1:30 p.m. Wednesday, May 3. This a tale of corruption in the editorial offices of The State. An unseemly tale, but not without redemption. This tale has its heroes. Your loyal correspondent, for instance, remained untainted. But oh, there were so precious few who did.
As you can see by this undeniable photographic evidence, William Bell, candidate for the Republican nomination for commissioner of agriculture, came into our sanctum sanctorum bearing gifts. He had carefully timed his appointment to the very moment when his strawberries had reached perfect ripeness.
Well, we tried to ignore the fruit, and conduct a professional interview. I learned quite a bit. For instance, did you know that strawberry growers in South Carolina pretty much sell all their product at roadside stands, and never trade with the supermarkets — which tend to get their produce out of state. Seems wasteful to me. I also learned that Mr. Bell, being a diversified and public-spirited farmer, is well versed in many aspects of agricultural practices and policy. In fact, we did not find it easy to choose between him and incumbent Hugh Weathers. (But we did, as you can see.)
When he had concluded his interview, the Tempter offered to fetch some more buckets of berries from his car. I politely declined. He said — the Tempter is clever this way — that he was driving straightaway to Greenville, and they would go bad on the way. My Mama taught me at an early age that it was a sin to waste. What a fine moral dilemma this presented. I reluctantly agreed to accept the additional berries.
I then assuaged my conscience by issuing a decree that the berries would be distributed to the newsroom. Those 140 or so omnivorous souls could enjoy the bounty of the fields without corruption, since they are not involved in editorial endorsements.
Sometime later, I returned to the editorial reception area to find that even the initial buckets were gone. Relieved that I would not be tested, I asked the two ladies who work in that part of the department whether they had all been distributed and consumed by the news folk so quickly. They said no, they had not been given to news. The ladies did not look at me, but continued with their work. I asked, Where then are the berries? Gone. In an undisclosed location, to keep me from giving them away.
They did not even seem to feel guilty about this. A third woman, whom you may know, laughed upon learning that the berries had been stashed. I should not have been shocked. For is it not written that woman is sorely challenged in the matter of fruit ethics?
Magnanimously, I let it drop. But I want it known that not a single luscious morsel touched my lips. I was never able to find them. And I am told they were quite sweet.
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