Lately, I’ve been bringing a Styrofoam cup of coffee in to the office with me most mornings, and I’ve noticed a disturbing phenomenon — tiny coffee-colored beads of "sweat" pop out on the sides of the cup during our morning meetings.
This is indicative of a lack of structural integrity, it would seem to me — coffee actually leaching through the cup, like tritium through soil.
The question this suggests is, What is leaching from the cup into the coffee?
Today was the most dramatic manifestation of this phenomenon I’ve yet observed. During a meeting with
folks from Providence Hospital, the tiny beads turned into huge drops that started running down and filling up the ashtray I was using as a coaster. (Sorry about the poor, Loch Ness-monster-quality focus in the picture. I was trying to shoot it without my action being noticed, because I didn’t want Sister Judith Ann thinking "this wacko’s taking pictures of his coffee," and hauling me back to Providence’s psych ward — if it has a psych ward. Diagnosis, Dr. House? Styrofoam poisoning.)
Finally, I had to excuse myself to go fetch my "Office Space" mug.
So, what can Styrofoam, ingested this way, do to you? Does it affect the brain? If so, that would explain so much about this blog, wouldn’t it? All of my detractors — and quite a few of my friends — would go away satisfied that at last, they had found the one factor that accounted for a vast range of previously inexplicable behavior.