Editor’s note: Since the routine went over fairly well at Rotary today, I went ahead and updated this post with a video version. Enjoy. (FYI, as I type this I’m still waiting for YouTube to finish processing it, so it may be a few minutes before the clip is actually available to view.)
As the impeachment process gets under way, it looks as though much will hinge upon the fact that the governor didn’t tell the lieutenant governor he was going to be incommunicado — something that on its own seems pretty unremarkable, given the relationship between these guys. If Mark Sanford had told Andre Bauer anything it would have been remarkable, much less turn his limited power over to him.
But the reasons for this are not immediately apparent to folks who haven’t followed these guys professionally. So it is that that, as part of my Health & Happiness presentation at Rotary today, I’ve decided to help my fellow Rotarians understand. I will ask them to imagine, along with me, what the conversation would have been like if the Gov had told the Gov Lite:
Why the governor didn’t tell the lieutenant governor he was leaving the state:
GOV: Ummm… Andre.
LT GOV: Andre?
GOV: Well, yes, that’s your name, right?
LT GOV: Well, yeah, but I didn’t know you knew it. You’ve never called me by my name before.
GOV: Well, don’t get used to it. I just…
LT GOV: What can I do for you?
GOV: Well, I…
LT GOV: … because I’ll be glad to do it for you, especially if it involved governatin’. I can flat do some of that, no matter what they say.
GOV: Yes, well, be that as it may…
LT GOV: Should I get my robe? I’ve got me a humdinger of a robe for official stuff. It’s purple and everything. It’s right over here in the closet…
GOV: No. No, that’s fine. I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to be out of the state for a few days…
LT GOV: Where you goin’?
GOV: That’s beside the point.
LT GOV: What? You come all the way over here to tell me you’re goin’ somewhere, and won’t tell me where it is?
GOV: It’s irrelevant.
LT GOV: Where’s that? Africa or someplace?
GOV: Look, I’m just going to go now. Do me a favor and distract my SLED detail…
LT GOV: What? You don’t want ’em to drive you? Hey, I know! I could drive you! I’m a real good driver…
GOV: No. Nonononono… Umm… Think about it – if you go, who will be in charge of the state?
LT GOV: Oh, yeah. I’ve gotta stay here and be in charge. Hey, I like the sound of that! Tell you what – if you don’t want the SLED detail, can I have em?
GOV: No.
LT GOV: Awww, why not?
GOV: It would set a bad precedent.
LT GOV: Now, whoa, hang on, no point saying I’d be a bad president; give me a chance to be a bad governor first.
GOV: Sure, sure. And good luck with that.
LT GOV: Hey, don’t worry. I’ve got your example to follow.
GOV: Yes, well, umm – sorry to bother you…
So now I hope you see why he didn’t tell him.
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I don’t see why Mr. Sanford would object to Mr. Bauer doing any “governatin'” because he hasn’t done any in 8 years. And if Mr. Sanford doesn’t like government, well this was a platinum chance to get the government really messed up, while having a great alibi for himself (that old Appalachian trail sure is nice).
Aside from thinking that Andre Bauer is a dumb redneck, what else do you think prevents him from being a good governor?
He’s got a better shot than most at being the next governor. Seems like he must have something going for him.
I saw the performance live this afternoon. Good stuff. Thought it was hilarious. Even caught Pastides laughing.
Absolutely hilarious – actually rolling on the floor laughing my *$$ off.
Brad, you missed a calling. It’s calling again; please answer.
Politics aside, you’ve managed to convey yourself as two completely different personalities in this clip.
Muchos Kudos. NOW you’re into something good.
Brad, you obviously don’t think Bauer is a sharp guy (neither do I). This leads to an interesting question. You have had (I believe) the opportunity to interact with all ten of the announced candidates for Governor. How would you rank them in terms of raw smarts (squishy term that that is)? Ranking in tiers will be fine. This has nothing to do with policy agreement, just mental horsepower.
Karen, Karen, Karen-I had thought you understood: “Governor” Sanford doesn’t believe in anyone’s doing any governatin’–it’s pure-T evil–just ask the guys on C Street– free-market’s just another word for God, not nothin’ left to lose. I’m not sure they see that the end result is anarchy, but government is the enemy!
Brad–a little Roux rinse, spray tan and a navy blazer, and you could definitely pass for the Governot. You even managed to make your face seem rounder when you played Andre–perhaps if this newspaper thing doesn’t pan out, you could try a more secure field like theatah!
Truth in Comedy!
Brad,
I dare you to apply your comedy genius and imagine a conversation between Robert Ford and Jim Rex.
Would you deliver the same routine in front of Bauer and Sanford?
Actually, Doug, I just did.
And it occurred to me that either of them could have been there at the meeting. You never know who will turn up. But I didn’t have a really viable backup plan. I had pulled a couple of lame jokes off the Internet in case I needed them to rescue myself in case this was a total bomb (as it happened, I ended the presentation after this skit, so as to leave ’em laughing), but I was pretty well committed to doing this no matter who was there — particularly since I posted my script here before the meeting.
I felt a little funny doing it in front of Harris Pastides (our main speaker Monday) as it was, given that I heartily endorse his new civility push, and I wasn’t sure how he would see my presentation fitting with that. But I had pretty much passed the failsafe point by the time that had occurred to me. I was going to do it, and do it all-out (there’s nothing worse than a potentially funny routine presented in a half-hearted manner), no matter who was there. Just as last time I did H&H, and I had a Joe Wilson line in it, and fully expected him to be there (he was, but he left before the meeting began) …
As for Ford and Rex — I suppose so, if either of them becomes governor. God forbid, in Ford’s case (and fortunately, the state’s voters will also forbid). The thing with Ford is the enormity of the opportunity, if he ever attained a prominence that would make the routine worthwhile.
The problem with Rex is the opposite. Even though he holds statewide office, his image is so vanilla, where’s the comic opportunity? Obama presented a similar problem until he became a front-runner, and the very fact that he was such a polished speaker without objectionable idiosyncrasies became something that could be lampooned. Fred Armisen finally got a handle on that on SNL, late in the campaign.
Maybe if Rex gets the nomination, or comes close, we will have seen enough of him that I could find something to hang a gag on, and people would be familiar enough with the references to get it.
This skit I did works, to the extent that it does work, because people are familiar with Andre as an eager-beaver hard-working pol who has a sort of country-come-to-town persona. They’re also familiar with Sanford’s aloofness. They may not know the extent to which he holds Bauer in utter disdain, but they know enough for that angle to work in context.
Of course, I didn’t try to do actual impersonations. I kept it at a sort of early SNL level. Remember when Chevy Chase would do Ford with zero attempt to look or sound like him, but play on the clumsiness image? And while Dan Akroyd actually tried to sound a little like Jimmy Carter, and they made a vague effort to suggest him visually, it was nothing like the later stuff in which they have transformed Phil Hartman and Darrell Hammond and Amy Poehler to actually LOOK and SOUND like political figures.
I kept mine somewhere between Chase and Akroyd, as I thought anything more real was beyond my powers. And I have no makeup people.
Now if I could come up with a good John Courson skit, I may actually attempt a voice impersonation… But how many people would get it?
I’ll do your make-up any time. I can’t do prosthetics, but I’ma whiz with the other stuff.
I don’t see where your skit was not civil. You poked gentle fun at public people’s carefully cultivated personae. You didn’t call Sanford a whiny, manipulative liar, or suggest that perhaps others had, and I’m not entirely sure that’s not civil if done in an editorial, as opposed to shouted from the floor.
That was funny!
Please, God, give me a governor who offers very little comic opportunity. Someone you can’t hang a gag on. Someone serious — maybe even capable. An adult. Is that so wrong?
To really play Andre’ well, you’d have to have a young 20 something blonde as an accessory………….
Deb–
That old?
Brilliant!
That was pretty good. You even got the governor’s awful fashion sense down to a tee. I had one of those tan blazers back in ’85.