Why can’t I sell my truly AWESOME ad ideas?

This is me (or rather, a reasonable facsimile) making a pitch to an unappreciative client.

You know, I’ve been trying hard to learn to be an ad man. I watch the TV show religiously. I try to dress sharp (even if my sartorial style is a bit more Bert Cooper than Don Draper). I don’t get home until late because I stop at any gathering where free highballs are served. I’ve thought of changing my name to Dick Whitman.

So why is it I have so much trouble pitching my truly awesome ad ideas? Here are some of my recent rejects:

I’m particularly proud of the sensitive way I addressed a delicate public health problem in that last one…

OK, seriously, folks — Kathryn Fenner shared with me this post — “TOP 48 ADS THAT WOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TODAY” — knowing I’d be interested. Some of the examples were pretty cringe-inducing, such as this one. Others… well, others weren’t bad at all. In fact, I don’t think this one below should have been on the list at all: I don’t know about you, but my most memorable Christmas present ever was the Daisy 1894-model air rifle, which I found tucked into my new sleeping bag spread out in front of the tree…

5 thoughts on “Why can’t I sell my truly AWESOME ad ideas?”

  1. Norm Ivey

    What? No “A Buck Well-Spent on SpringMaid Sheets”?

    My BB gun was a Crosman Powermaster 760 (Santa, 1972). One of the top 3 gifts of all time. The other two were were my Tyco HO Santa Fe train (Santa, 1968) and a starter stamp collecting kit (sister, 1971). I no longer have the Crosman, but the other two are on the shelves behind me.

  3. Nick Nielsen

    The scariest part is that I remember seeing a good many of those ads in Life magazine, Time, and many others when I was growing up.

  4. Jesse S.

    Somehow I can’t look at that Chase and Sandborn ad and not think, “Chase and Sandborn: It restores Vigor!”.

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