I saw Rusty DePass yesterday, and he stopped me to tell me that while my Health and Happiness routine at Rotary on Monday didn’t get what I would call big laughs, he thought it was hilarious.
I appreciated that. I don’t know what was wrong Monday. I mean, I got some laughs, but it was very low-key. The biggest laugh I got was after one of the lines I got from Herb Brasher, I said, “Come on! That was funny!” I said it with such vehemence and frustration, that it really cracked them up.
Maybe it was because a lot of people were missing, this being mid-summer, and we just didn’t have critical mass. I don’t know. I looked in that direction once and saw Kathryn Fenner laughing. At least, she looked like she was laughing, but I couldn’t hear it. It was like a mime laugh.
See, now? THAT was funny… Maybe I should have used it.
Anyway, running into Rusty and getting his kind feedback reminded me that I didn’t thank y’all for your input — particularly that of Herb (and his friend Larry) and Doug Ross, who returned from the wilderness just in time to give me the “Famously Hot” idea. (Which actually got one of my better laughs, although it was slightly delayed. Maybe it would have been bigger if I had paused longer after the punch line.)
Here are my prepared remarks:
Been looking through the news for some humor. It’s tough finding anything funny. I see Michele Bachmann is almost leading the GOP polls for president of the United States. Of course, she’s still a distant second to Mitt Romney. You know, he’s the guy whose most notable accomplishment was starting a health care system in Massachusetts that he can’t talk about in front of Republicans…
See? The topical stuff isn’t funny. So I’m going to intersperse it with some words of wisdom that my friend Herb – Kathryn knows Herb — said he got from HIS friend Larry:
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
Back to the topical…
As you know, I work over at ADCO with Lanier Jones. ADCO is the agency that came up with “Famously Hot.” The last few days, one of the readers on my blog – that’s bradwarthen.com – has suggested that we change that slogan. He just wants to change the first word. It would still start with the same letter.
I see that China, which holds all that U.S. debt, is now watching what’s happening in Washington and thinking WE have a really fouled-up political system. The bad news is, they’re right.
By the way, in case I’m not being clear enough, I refer to those children in Washington, a.k.a. our nation’s leaders, playing games with the full faith and credit of the United States of America.
And no, I wasn’t even trying to be funny about that…
More from Larry:
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, “In an emergency, notify:” I always put, “DOCTOR.”
Back to the news:
South Carolina Democratic Party Chairman Dick Harpootlian – by the way, try fitting “South Carolina Democratic Party Chairman Dick Harpootlian” into a headline sometime, and you’ll see why the press will miss Ken Ard when he’s gone…
Where was I? Oh, yeah… South Carolina Democratic Party Chairman Dick Harpootlian said something that puzzled me the other day. He was criticizing Nikki Haley for saying, when she signed the voter ID bill, that if anyone had trouble getting a photo ID, she would personally drive them to the DMV. I don’t see any problem with that. I mean, it would be nice, right? It’s not like she’s Andre Bauer.
Oh, and for my Republican friends here today:
Look, I wanted to make some jokes about Democrats in office, but hey, gimme a break: This is South Carolina. I couldn’t find any.
OK, some more from Larry:
I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I ad-libbed a few times. Such as, when I saw Boyd Summers laughing about the no-Democrats-in-office gag (although he, too, may have been doing a mime laugh), I said, “See? Boyd Summers gets it. Ladies and gentlemen, Boyd Summers — chairman of the Richland County Democratic Party. Boyd, you need to work a little harder…”
Thanks again for your help, folks! Your material was good. Maybe it was the delivery.
I like my humor fresh–not pre-packaged and reheated. I was audibly laughing, but not for too long–you probably missed the sound portion of the broadcast….
Thought it was great but must politely point out Richland dominated by Dems.
No mime laughing. I was belly laughing
I think these were better than the one of mine you picked (and cleaned up):
It’s been brutally hot in Columbia lately. I saw Glenn McConnell walking
down the street and he was wearing his Confederate uniform with the top
two buttons undone.
Senators Jim DeMint and Lindsey Graham have become political allies in the
fight against raising the federal debt ceiling. In a related story, Riverbanks
Zoo has started to put lions and zebras into the same pen due to what they call
an “obvious shift in the balance of nature”.
The Columbia Red Cross has been actively seeking donors with O negative blood
recently. Nikki Haley immediately volunteered to help out the Red Cross.
Not as a donor, but as an aide in collecting donations based on her
significant leadership experience in bleeding the government dry.
As a committed opponent to President Obama’s health care bill, Senator
DeMint refused to accept the free colonoscopy that the bill offers to
all citizens. DeMint said he didn’t need any government assistance
with the procedure because he had plenty of Tea Partiers who would
crawl right up there and take care of it for him.
Well, whatever. It didn’t look like much was coming in, so I didn’t want to see you left high and dry. (Though maybe some dry British humor would have helped?–I’ll ask around.) Glad to see some of it was useful. I sent Larry the link here.
On comparing SC Governot Nikki Haley’s driving skills to Andre Bauer.
I saw a white Caddilac Escalade SUV weaving in and out on Highway 378, then turning onto Corley Mill Rd. She is an agressive driver; only flicking on the turn signal after she has made her lane change.
The Caddy had legislator tags and the number on the tag was her House District.
Changing the “Famously Hot” slogan is my favorite one. Sorry I wasn’t there.
You could have incorporated your machine gun lighter if you wanted to go the physical comedy route.
Larry said that he feels famous now. Come to think of it, so do I, but maybe infamous is the more correct word. Maybe I’ll be able to contribute something some time that even gets Kathryn to laugh.