What other conclusion am I to draw from this shocking news?
Sons and daughters of any future UK monarch will have equal right to the throne, after Commonwealth leaders agreed to change succession laws.
The leaders of the 16 Commonwealth countries where the Queen is head of state unanimously approved the changes at a summit in Perth, Australia.
It means a first-born daughter of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge would take precedence over younger brothers.
I’m not going to tell my Episcopalian friends. I mean, when you consider how their offshoot got started, and now the Brits are all like, “Never mind.” Embarrassing.
Speaking of which, there was some good news that came out with the above:
The ban on the monarch being married to a Roman Catholic was also lifted.
So at least there’s that. In fact, that’s rather good: My path to the throne is now cleared. I mean, if they’re going to trash tradition with regard to succession, all bets are off, and my family tree should pass muster as well as anyone else’s.
Next, maybe they’ll let Tony Blair back in, despite his conversion. I’d be so happy to ask him to form a new government, once I’m king. (There’s that little matter of an election in the way, you say? Not necessarily, after I’m on the throne. If you’re gonna dream, dream big.)
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And if I think a bit harder, maybe there’s even something good in letting girls succeed.
I mean, it wouldn’t be entirely necessary in my case, since I have two sons. (Although their older sister would likely welcome it.)
Where it would particularly help would be in the next generation of the Warthen dynasty: So far, all my grandchildren are girls. (And the younger ones already think of themselves as princesses, of the House of Disney.) Would a lack of males in that generation lead to civil war in my realm? ‘Tis a consummation devoutly to be avoided. I must think of the welfare of my subjects. Begone, and let me ponder…
Perhaps… perhaps… change can be a good thing…
I’m confused. I can understand that one of your children can now marry into the royal line, but how did you get in there?
But if you do, would you please extend health care to the former colonies?
I seized power in the inevitable chaos that resulted from the change in the succession rules.
Never waste a crisis. I’m going to have that properly translated into Latin by my scribes, and put it on my royal crest.
Google translate says “Nunquam egestas ire dissipandam sit bona,” but that doesn’t look quite right.
Well, I had high school Latin, but all I remember was 1) Gallia Est Omnis Divisa in Partes Tres, which I think was probably important for Asterix and Obelix to know.
and 2) Habeat scabium quisquis ad me venerit novissimus, which I always thought was pretty sensible advice, but I’ve still had to deal with athlete’s foot. Anyway, the sentence was on the second page of our fist-year Latin textbook, and it stuck.