Colbert attempts to intervene in SC primary

Y’all will probably be confused as much as I am, but I’ll just pass this on without trying to understand it first:


Stephen Colbert Works with Democrats, Makes them Briefly Patriotic
NEW YORK CITY, SOUTH CAROLINA – Award-eligible pundit and 2012 Kingmaker Stephen Colbert has reached out to the South Carolina Democratic Party to help restore the non-binding referenda to the 2012 South Carolina primary. The South Carolina Supreme Court ruled in November that all referenda be removed from the primary ballot.

“Trust me, this was a measure of last resort,” said Colbert, Colbert Super PAC’s Chairman and Gangwar Consigliere. “I’ve always thought Democrats had only one skill: simultaneously being atheists and holier-than-thou. But apparently they also have legal standing in this case.”

Colbert has asked Chairman of the South Carolina Democratic Party Richard Harpootlian to petition his state’s Supreme Court for a rehearing of their ruling in Buford County v. S.C. Election Commission. He has also asked him if it’s alright to call him “Harpootie.” Harpootlian has agreed to the first request.

At issue is the court’s decision to remove advisory questions from the upcoming Presidential Preference Primary Ballots. Of particular interest to Colbert Super PAC is Question 4. The question, which has already been approved by the South Carolina Commission and included on sample ballots and some military absentee ballots , asks the people of South Carolina to choose between two options: “Corporations are people” and “Only people are people.” (For the sample ballot click here or see below).

“After the citizens of South Carolina declare once and for all that corporations are people, we can move on to other urgent issues facing our great nation,” said Colbert, “In 2016 I hope to include a question on whether Democrats are people.”

Colbert Super PAC, also known as Americans For A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, is an independent expenditure-only committee dedicated to following the Letter of the Law, and letting the Spirit of the Law find its own way home. It was founded by Stephen Colbert, who currently holds the rank of World’s Most Famous Living South Carolinian, and who will host the Colbert Super PAC South Carolina Debate to be held in January. It’s going to be a classy affair. Shrimp cocktail, the works.


For Press Inquiries Contact:
Alberto Rèalnamè
Communications Director, Colbert Super PAC

Yeah, I get that it’s a joke. But I got confused that Harpootlian was involved. But then, Colbert always works with the Democrats when he comes to SC, possibly because he can’t get SC Republicans to laugh at him. Or with him. I don’t know.

In any case, here is a link to Colbert’s proposed ballot.

8 thoughts on “Colbert attempts to intervene in SC primary

  1. `Kathryn Fenner

    Really, Doug? Because other than “Harpootlian”– a name that has tickled comedians at least as far back as Dave Barry, the record will show Jon Stewart, et al., making comic gold out of SC Republicans, not Democrats….

    Hiking the Appalachian Trail (God killed Michael Jackson just to distract from Sanford, but Sanford had to keep on talking), Andre Bauer comparing poor kids to stray animals, etc.

  2. Doug Ross


    Individual Republicans may be great comic fodder but the Democratic Party’s performance in getting candidates elected IS a joke. Other than Jim Hodges win that was based on the lottery and Inez/Jim Rex, what has the party accomplished in the past two decades?

    They allowed Alvin Greene to get on the ballot and win. There isn’t anything that tops that one.

    The Democratic Party in South Carolina is as meaningful as the Republican Party in San Fransciso.


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