The Onion’s bold endorsement of SC native son John Edwards

Gary Karr, ex-reporter, ex-press secretary to Gov. David Beasley, brought this to my attention Friday (Tweeting, “I bet my friends @bradwarthen and@cindiscoppe are envious.”), but I didn’t have a chance to read it until Saturday night, backstage at “Pride and Prejudice” in Finlay Park. And I was busy then.

So I’m just getting around to passing it on to y’all.

Everyone knows what I thought of John Edwards way before the sex scandal, and any of you who remain among his admirers will no doubt be saddened to learn that my opinion has not improved. But then, I’m a stick-in-the-mud, and lack the bold vision of The Onion‘s editorial board.

This seems to mark a departure for that revered organization. They used to be satisfied just to be funny. This goes to a whole new level. It’s positively Swiftian. And it makes anything I ever wrote about the guy seem almost complimentary.

The core argument for the former U.S. Senator (and, we must not forget our shame, winner of the 2004 SC Democratic primary — y’all remember I told y’all to vote for Joe Lieberman, but did y’all listen?), begins as follows:

Mr. Edwards’ career has not been without its missteps. He has, like all of us at one time or another, made his share of mistakes. His opposition to a nationwide military draft, for instance. In addition, his support for the expansion of immigrants’ rights has angered this newspaper’s editorial board. And yet at each turn, Mr. Edwards has recovered in full, with two feet planted firmly on the ground and his dignity and political acumen intact. He is a man who has learned from adversity, knowing, as any former attorney does, that the strongest individuals are forged through trials by fire.

Furthermore, Mr. Edwards conducted a protracted extramarital affair with a younger woman while his wife was dying of cancer, and we like that he did this. Our reasons for liking that he did this are tenfold:

1. It was a brave thing to do, given the possible consequences

2. The woman in question was more attractive than Mr. Edwards’ wife

3. He did what he did without compromising his ideals, at least not to any illegal extent

4. He enjoyed himself, and good for him

5. The Onion believes sex is a natural and healthy biological function

6. Women have a weakness for men in powerful positions, and Mr. Edwards expertly exploited that weakness…

… and so forth. Be sure to read the whole thing. The logic is seamless, and who can say them nay? By these standards, there is no better choice on Nov. 6 than John Edwards.

Think about that as you watch tonight’s debate between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. It should make both of them look better.

17 thoughts on “The Onion’s bold endorsement of SC native son John Edwards

  1. Silence

    @ bud – lots of dogs travel in travel crates outside of vehicles, or in the back of a pickup truck. I think it’s less offensive to have the dog secured in a crate and strapped to the vehicle than to have them just up in the bed of the pickup, like so many people do? Wouldn’t you think?

  2. Bart

    bud says: October 22, 2012 at 12:55 pm
    At least Edwards didn’t put his dog on top of a car. Morally equivalent don’t you think?

    If one thinks, no actually believes that screwing another woman, fathering a child, lying about it, paying for the cover-up illegally from funds obtained under dubious circumstances, getting an aide to take the blame until the story broke down, expressing your never dying love for your wife standing beside her in public knowing she is dying from cancer while displaying a facial expression of concern and humility, betraying your children, and all of the other bad character flaws is equivalent to putting your dog in a carrier on top of the family vehicle, there are simply no words to adequately respond in a civil manner.

    Until this post bud, you had credibility. Now, if you post that at 11:00 pm, it is dark outside, I will open the curtains and blinds to verify.

  3. Brad

    I THINK maybe Bud was being ironic on that one.

    Of course, I’ve underestimated Bud’s strong feelings when it comes to pets before…

  4. bud

    Edwards was a piece of work. No doubt about it so I wouldn’t vote for him even though I do like many of his policy proposals. But as I’ve stated before I couldn’t vote for Romney regardless of his politics simply because he is capable of treating his own dog so cruelly.

  5. Bart


    Irony I understand when it is presented as irony. You have given bud cover all too many times in the past and if you want to give him cover for this one, please, go ahead, it is your blog.

    But, bud has been over the top too many times to even consider this is not a serious comment on his part.

    Sorry, not this time.

  6. Steven Davis II

    Brad – Nobody has stronger feeling towards pets than I do, I would probably grab a dog from a burning building before I’d grab a child.

    That said, this was just another dig at Romney by bud, even though Romney has ever tasted dog meat like our empty seat, sitting president (lower case intentional).

  7. bud

    Mark, Brad had to go and bring up John Edwards for whatever inexplicable reason on the day of the last POTUS debate. Now THAT is surreal.

  8. Bart

    Mark Stewart says: October 22, 2012 at 3:30 pm
    This has taken a turn toward the surreal.

    Mark, you are absolutely right. This is surreal. And it all started with bud equating what Edwards did with Romney and the dog on the car roof non-issue. I truly regret responding and allowing myself to even offer an opinion on an inane comment.

    Never again. This one was the last bud’s “straw that broke the camel’s back” for me. I can handle the exchanges between you and I and enjoy the back and forth, heated as it gets at times. (FWIW – the name is Bart Rogers)

  9. Steven Davis II

    Bart, don’t let bud’s stupidity get to you. He’s a troll just like BigT on FitsNews. He’s here solely to get under peoples skin, and does an excellent job at it. Brad needs to install the Ignore feature on this blog.

  10. Bart


    Thanks but not to worry. This was the last time I react to one of his nugatory missives. My fault for responding.

  11. Mark Stewart

    Steven offered up some irony. Too bad it came wrapped in cognitive confusion.

    Bud’s views are sincerely held and worthy of thoughtful consideration.

  12. Steve Gordy

    Hey folks, if you don’t like anyone’s comments on this blog, you can spend all day bashing them or go off and start your own.

  13. Silence

    @ SDII – I wish BigT was here! LOL. Also there’s a commenter on FITS with the name “BradWarthenSucks” which I thought was pretty funny.

Comments are closed.