Making machine-gun bacon with Ted Cruz (now THAT’S what I’M talkin’ about…)

The Ted Cruz presidential campaign hasn’t received a lot of attention from this blog, and that’s for a simple, obvious and perfectly fair reason: He just hasn’t been trying hard enough.

Other candidates have done whatever it takes to get our attention. Lindsey Graham has conscientiously shown us multiple ways to destroy a cell phone. Donald Trump has demonstrated his seriousness by outDonalding himself, in spades.

Finally, Sen. Cruz has shown he cares about the real issues. He has provided us with video of himself cooking bacon by wrapping it around the barrel of an assault rifle and firing off several magazines of ammo — and with pretty fair accuracy.

Meanwhile, Chris Christie is trying hard, offering to punch a national teacher’s union in the face. Big talk, but so far no video! No cigar, Chris.

I’ll continue to bring you the campaigns that care enough to show us something really cool, something that would have made the boys in my 9th-grade class at Bennettsville High School say, “GOTTAWMIGHTY!”…

How about it, Jeb Bush? Whatchagot?

9 thoughts on “Making machine-gun bacon with Ted Cruz (now THAT’S what I’M talkin’ about…)

  1. Brad Warthen Post author

    Idle thought of the day…

    How about if I run for president as the guy who promises, paraphrasing Jimmy Carter, “I’ll never embarrass you.”

    I’ll offer myself as the Dignity Candidate. I’ll never appear on The Daily Show or plead with big-bucks donors to support me. I’ll never play the saxophone or discuss my underwear preferences. I’ll never dumb down my views to be popular. I will not deign to dance at an assemblage such as this, as it would be insupportable.

    Campaign slogan: “He won’t do anything Mr. Darcy wouldn’t do.”

  2. Bryan Caskey

    ha ha…very funny guys…ok jokes over bring out all the real candidates now…guys no stop staying in character…not funny any more guys…please

    Wait. These are the real candidates?

    Come on, jokes over. This isn’t funny anymore.

  3. bud

    How about it, Jeb Bush? Whatchagot?

    From the NY Times:

    “I’m not sure we need half a billion dollars for women’s health issues,” Mr. Bush said during an interview with a leader of the Southern Baptist Convention on Tuesday. Well, today he said he was opposed to women’s health issues.

    (That got Hillary’s attention.)

    His claim earned a rebuke on Twitter from Hillary Rodham Clinton’s campaign: “You are absolutely, unequivocally wrong.”

    The clown car known as the GOP presidential campaign is the gift that keeps on giving.

  4. Bryan Caskey

    By the way, since I’ve elected myself to to be the resident gun guy here, I have to do the pedantic thing and point out that a “machine gun” has to be capable of going fully automatic.

    And I don’t see Sen. Cruz doing that in the video, nor do I believe the rifle in his demonstration is capable of full-auto. Accordingly, I’m docking the Senator from Texas ten points for misuse of the term “machine gun”.

    Not that any of y’all care.


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