Someone sent this to me with the heading, "because you could probably use a laugh these days." It is attributed only "from a friend:"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.
SARAH PALIN: As a Mayor and Governor of Alaska I have fought against and stopped the good ol’ boy chickens attempts to cross the road . It appears I have not fully succeeded. Where’s my gun?
DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road with what is certainly weapons of mass destruction, perhaps nuclear. We must bomb the chicken before it attacks us and destroys our American way of life!
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe a chicken crossed the road, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road to verify the crossing.
BILL O’REILLY, FOX NEWS: Another left-wing pinko chicken has crossed the road, probably looking for another government relocation handout. Get over it buddy, as far as I’m concerned, you’re on your own.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2009, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2009. This new platform is much more stable and will never need to reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
I don’t know how to add to that, but I’ll try:
HERBERT HOOVER: What? How did it get over there? I thought I put it in the pot.
CHICO MARX: Why a chicken?
Hey, that’s all they left me to work with…
Related Posts
BRAD WARTHEN: I don’t know. I have always liked the chicken. But I like the rooster also. The chicken has a remarkable history. But the rooster is more like me than you would think. Wouldn’t it be awesome if the chicken AND the rooster could walk across the road together?
LEE MULLER: I used to be a chicken farmer. And I also worked on building the road. The chicken crossed the road to get away from the socialist illegal immigrant.
Idiot!
BUD: After eight years of standing on the wrong side of the road, it’s time we get the rich people to buy the chicken a car.
HERB BRASHER: It was God’s will.
No malice intended…
DOUG ROSS: The chicken didn’t pass the PACT so why was he promoted and allowed to cross to the other side?!
🙂
This isn’t original but it’s always been my favorite…
SC NATIVE: To show the possum that it really could be done.
Good stuff, Doug.
But nothing tops “AL GORE: I invented the chicken.”
If it was a Mexican chicken it was probably crossing illegally to find a job.
Excellent Brad! The chicken crossed the road because after so many years of being paid well, he heard that he could start a business and find cheap labor on the southern side of the road.
Ah, but at what point in the egg’s development did it gain the right to cross the road? If the Iraqi chicken has now crossed the road, what does that portend for the Afghani chicken? Did someone test that chicken repeatedly while still a chick to determine if he had sufficient knowledge to cross the road safely. If that one homeless chicken crossed the road are we about to experience thousands of homeless chickens flooding across the road toward us? Did Yoda say, “Cluck you may little chick, but cross the road you will”?
Doug, my kids would probably say that there is too much Calvinism in that statement to match Dad’s Arminian streak. Here’s my very uncreative take (guessing what my kids would say about me):
Herb Brasher: It was looking for the middle of the road, but couldn’t figure out where the middle was
Doug Ross: The road shouldn’t have been there to begin with. It was a waste of the taxpayer’s money to build it.
Karen McLeod: It heard that Obama was holding a rally on the other side.
Brad Warthen: I don’t know, but if I can get you people to discuss it, it’ll buy me some time to find another topic for the blog.
This is why Brad needs to hold an election night meet-up at some local establishment. I’m sure it would be more fun than the McCain after-party.
Police prepare for election night riots by Obama followers, especially if he loses.
http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/police-prepare-for-unrest-2008-10-21.html