I saw the above spare-tire cover on a vehicle parked in a Food Lion lot over the weekend. In case you can’t read it clearly (it’s not the best angle; I shot it from the Lizard’s Thicket drive-thru queue), it says:
GO OUTSIDE
WORST CASE A BEAR KILLS YOU
Now if I had put that on my vehicle, it would be an ironic warning. I would be responding to all those people who urge us to spend time outdoors by pointing out what a terrible idea that is.
I don’t think that’s what this driver was doing. This was a forest-green (I think) SUV with a rack on the roof for carrying skis or some other kind of adventurous gear that Hemingway would have bought at the original Abercrombie & Fitch (the macho, outdoors version of a century ago, not the clothing store you know from the mall).
Yeah, I know I’m reading a lot into it, but that was my impression. To me, this driver was being ironic about people like me, and saying essentially, What the hell? Do you want to live forever? Go for it!
But I’m not going for it. I like sitting right here in my home office, except when I’m out taking a walk around the neighborhood. And I’ve seen zero bears around here in the 27 years we’ve lived here. Lots of deer (and of course plenty of copperheads) but no bears.
Anyway, I thought about posting the picture after I shot it Sunday, and forgot, but I was reminded a couple of days later when an email notification pulled me over to look at a couple of videos on Inez Tenenbaum’s Facebook page. You can see a still image from one of them below.
Yes, those are three bear cubs exploring the area around Inez and Samuel’s woodpile. The Tenenbaums live up in the mountains these days. I wish they didn’t so I could see them more. But we don’t always get what we want.
And now I’m going to be worrying about them, just a bit. No, there’s nothing scary about these cubs, as you see them here. And their innocent, but greedy, curiosity is even cute and engaging. Here’s what Inez had to say in her caption to that video:
These three bear cubs have gone through the recycle box in our patio but did not find anything to eat!
Harmless, right? But see what she said in posting another clip of the cubs that same day:
These three bear cubs ate the bird seed on the patio and are making their getaway. Their mother tore down the feeder—again!!!
Yeah. The mama bear. The one that tears you apart if she finds you showing an interest in her cubs. Although I do appreciate her trying to improve the character of her offspring by removing temptations from their path. But look at how she did it — she tore it down! Very bearlike.
Anyway, my point is, stay inside! And if you must go out commune with nature, be careful!
That’s all for now. I’ll get back to you when I have another report on copperhead movements in the vicinity…
Screenshot
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