Earlier today, in order to get my hands on an article I remembered from 1996, I created an online account with The New Republic. Almost immediately, as tends to be the way with these often counterintuitive interactions, I had a question about said account. I soon received this reply:
Please do not respond to this message. [that’s always my favorite bit with such messages]
We have received your recent inquiry and will process your request promptly.
We are pleased to be of service to you.
Subscriber Services Department
This message created in me the almost overwhelming impression that I was, in fact, not dealing with a sort of middling-liberal magazine, but was instead doing business with the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation, creators of the exasperatingly ground-breaking product, Genuine People Personalities. Although the Guide is supposed to be fictional, I also sometimes suspect that John Edwards got the GPP that he’s using on the campaign trail from Sirius. (If that last bit seemed gratuitous, it was. I had nothing that needed saying about Mr. Edwards, but bud is keeping count of the number of times I bring him up, and I feel the need to be a good blog host and keep him entertained.)
In any event, this contact comes at a good time. The British consul out of Atlanta has expressed a desire to call on me next week, and so I’m hoping between now and then, Sirius can install one of those beverage machines that emits something that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea. If I served anything better, the Brits would suspect me of not being a real American, and as with bud, I hate to disappoint.