Well, I have a front page, but if I’m ever going to have a full virtual newspaper, it must have a sports page, right?
Right.
So it is that I thought I’d share this wonderful Monte Python skit. Maybe you’ve seen it, but I never had. At the end of a long day, I looked it up tonight, having read about it this morning in a book review in the WSJ, to wit:
In a blissfully funny, vintage Monty Python sketch, there is a soccer game between Germany and Greece in which the players are leading philosophers. The always formidable Germany, captained by “Nobby” Hegel, boasts the world-class attackers Nietzsche, Heidegger and Wittgenstein, while the wily Greeks, captained by Socrates, field a dream team with Plato in goal, Aristotle on defense and—a surprise inclusion—the mathematician Archimedes.
Toward the end of the keenly fought game, during which nothing much appears to happen except a lot of thinking, the canny Socrates scores a bitterly disputed match winner. Mayhem ensues! The enraged Hegel argues in vain with the referee, Confucius, that the reality of Socrates’ goal is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, while Kant holds that, ontologically, the goal existed only in the imagination via the categorical imperative, and Karl Marx—who otherwise had a quiet game—protests that Socrates was offside.
What, you were expecting Gamecock football? Perish the thought. You want that, go elsewhere…
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Iiiii-manuel Kant
Was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger
Was a boozy beggar
Who could drink you under the table
David Hume
Could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel,
And Wittgenstein
Was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.