My kryptonite

Just so you know that despite all the critical things I say, I believe the governor and his people are good and decent folk, gently reared, I share the following exchange.

Next week, I'm to be the governor's guest at the annual pre-State of the State briefing luncheon. Cindi and Warren will be there too, along with editorial types from elsewhere in SC. It's a standing ritual. So Joel Sawyer writes to ask me:

Hey, Brad…saw you'd RSVP'd for the lunch next week. Can you remind me again on your food allergies? Thanks.

Joel Sawyer
Communications Director
Office of Gov. Mark Sanford

So I wrote back as follows:

First, please don't bother. It's more trouble than it's worth. I have a lifelong habit of just grabbing a bite later.

But in answer to your question, my main allergies are to:
milk — anything with even a trace of dairy products, from butter to cheese to ice cream
eggs — which means no mayo, and other things that may not be immediately obvious
wheat — which bars anything from a bakery, and less obvious things such as gravy thickened with flour (or cream, of course)
chicken — and no, I don't know which came first, this or the egg allergy
nuts — especially pecans.

See what I mean? I'm more trouble than I'm worth. Always have been, unfortunately.

Why, you may wonder, did I not just stick with the "Don't bother," and not go on? Because it's so blasted awkward. At a public occasion like that, I don't care it there's nothing I can eat (really; I'm used to it, and I'd rather not take risks on ingesting a hidden fatal allergen inserted by a well-meaning cook who thinks cream means quality). But I find it often bothers my host more than it bothers me that I don't eat. Also, others who don't know the score will see me pushing my food around or ignoring it entirely and think I'm being petulant or intentionally rude or something. Really. It happens. If I can avoid that by having at least something I can eat while pushing everything else around on the plate, that's all to the good. I don't mean to overdramatize, but my systemic weirdness does make dining in public more awkward for me than for most folks. (It has had larger consequences, such as keeping me from serving in the military — I could never have survived on K rations or MREs. It sounds stupid to people who don't live like this, but it's my reality.) I grew up not wanting to draw any attention at table, but knowing that the only way to avoid such attention is to let my host put himself out in my behalf, which is another kind of awkwardness. Then there's always the possibility that the host WILL put himself out for me, but fail in the effort (I can generally tell at a glance if I can't eat it), which is twice as awkward. But what am I supposed to do?

Of course, I could stay away from the luncheon, but it is a useful occasion. And if I don't go, what does that say? Anyway, I look forward to seeing the gov. I don't think we've spoken since this event last year. (Or maybe the one before; I forget.)

This post is just to let you know that I have no problem with putting my life into the governor's hands — or the hands of his staff. And that's something I wouldn't do if I had as low an opinion of the governor as some of y'all think I do.

Now Blagojevich — I'd never eat anything he put on the table.

25 thoughts on “My kryptonite

  1. Doug Ross

    Classified Internal Memo
    From: Joel Sawyer
    To : Governor’s Chef
    Subj: Warthen’s meal
    Add the “special ingredient” to the bacon.

  2. Bird

    Number 1. It would be easy to kill you — or at least put you in a coma.
    Number 2. You are barking up the wrong tree trying to elicit sympathy here.
    Number 3. I don’t care who your frickin’ attorney is.
    Number 4. Just stay home and write bulls*t. You’ll be better off in the long run.

  3. Dave

    It’s one thing for the renewed and escalated fighting in the middle east to be bringing us ever closer to the brink of world war. It’s horrible that our economy is on the brink of collapse and we have an incoming president who will do precisely the wrong things to get us out of trouble. Moral collapse, weird weather phenomena and a raft of Eco-tards bent on iron rule…all are terrible.
    But really…a life without ice cream?
    Your life truly isn’t worth living Brad.

  4. Bird's Exhausted Trainer

    Bird suggests you send Inspector Gadget [and the other mute goon] again to officially begin the ‘will you stop’ charade.
    What? They are both retired? See how long this has been going on?
    Brad’s life is worth living — but what a tangled web he allegedly weaves.

  5. York "Budd" Durden

    Posts from David and Lee are the blogosphere equivalent of non sequiturs. What do “Eco-tards” have to do with Brad’s food allergies? Off-topic, offensive, useless shit-stirring. And that’s what I have an allergy to.

  6. bud

    Dang Brad. No wonder you don’t like football. There’s nothing you could eat while watching a game. No chicken wings. No pizza. No milkshakes or sandwiches (unless they make wheatless bread). No nuts of any kind. And of course beer is out considering that many are made with wheat.
    Prediction: Florida-34 OU-31

  7. David

    York, the only thing wrong with you is you’re still angry I’ve had the courage and the intellect to challenge your silly liberal nonsense with reasoned and unassailable arguement. You’re allergic to good solid conservative wisdom, and you haven’t the maturity, sense or intelligence to make your case without epithet and vitriol.
    It must really suck to be you.

  8. bud

    “… good solid conservative wisdom …”
    Given the utter failure of “conservative” governance over the last 8 years this has to be the gold standard of oxymorons.

  9. Lee Muller

    Conservatism did not fail in the last 8 years, because it was implemented.
    Free markets only “fail” to deliver goodies to people who are unable or unwilling to pay the market price for them.
    The current economic problems of America are entirely due to socialist meddling, and corruption by Democrats involved in looting the mortgage banking industry. Obama advisors and staffers skimmed off $400,000,000 from FNMA and FMAC alone.

  10. bud

    Modern conservatism always fails because the logic behind it is flawed. You just can’t continue to rely on an economic model that suggests growth based on enriching a handful of wealthy people can ever sustain itself. Growth in and of itself cannot be sustained indefinitally but growth that is not equitably distributed is really not tenable. The George W. Bush years should lay this fiction to rest once and for all.

  11. p.m.

    Bud, Lee’s right. There is no such thing as modern conservatism. The Democrats are liberals, and the Republicans act like Democrats. Bush is a pretend Democrat, bud. Chew on that for a while.

  12. p.m.

    Bud, Lee’s right. There is no such thing as modern conservatism. The Democrats are liberals, and the Republicans act like Democrats. Bush is a pretend Democrat, bud. Chew on that for a while.

  13. Doug Ross

    You misunderstand the concept of conservatism when it comes to money. Conservatism says “let me keep what I earn”. Liberalism says “let me take what you earned and give it to someone else”.

  14. bud

    Doug, don’t confuse classic conservatism to the modern variety practiced by the lunatic fringe of the Republican party. They push for spending as much if not more than the liberals. It’s just on different stuff, mostly idiotic military crap.

  15. Doug Ross

    Then it’s not conservatism.
    As others have said the problem is with Republicans, not conservatives.
    Lindsey Graham is a Republican, not a conservative. There’s the difference.
    Mark Sanford is a modern conservative (with libertarian leanings) who cannot get the phony conservative Republicans in the legislature to act like conservatives.
    We reap what they sow.

  16. Lee Muller

    Socialism is the system run by a few rich looters at the top. Socialism is a retrograde political dictatorship cooked up by the ruling elites of Europe in an effort to stop the growth of the merchantile classes. Its first experiment was the French Revolution and the Reign of Terror.
    Free market capitalism is not only creates wealth at a rate not approached by the forced-labor systems, but it distributes the wealth more widely. The general population is more wealthy. Even the “poor” in market economies are wealthier than most people under socialism.
    Obama’s economic plan is not his – it is FDR Redux. It will not “work” to restore prosperity, because it is not intended to. The intent is for it to “work” to make more people poor and dependent on their socialist rulers, and keep those rulers in power.
    The quickest way to put a TRILLION DOLLARS into the economy is to just enact a tax cut and stop collecting payroll taxes. But the socialists don’t like that, because they would rather CONTROL where the money goes so they can control the most people. Spending on construction projects is the only way for politicians to shake down the contractors for campaign “contributions”. Tax cuts won’t generate graft money.

  17. Dave

    I was minding my own business, having some innocent fun with Brad. Yorks’ specious liberal premises, pinheaded rants, intellectual inadequacy and general impotence were the farthest things from my mind. This inconsequential joker wasn’t even in my scan, when here’ve comes, weighing in with his typical nonsense.
    Talk about a sh*t stirrer.
    Hey York: Your guy won, numbnuts! Rejoice in that why don’t you?
    A billowing ego and a peanut for a brain don’t make for a good look, Hoss. Your apparent IQ would skyrocket if you’d just not say so many silly things.
    Just sayin.

  18. Herb Brasher

    Here’s for Oklahoma. But either way, I feel upbeat. After all, my friend Cap A. must be groaning in his skin–here’s the guy who motivates the whole Florida offense with Philippians 4:19, or this time John 3:16 on his face. So much for us pansies who “believe in Jewish myths.” Missionary kids or just convinced Christians who have are motivated to excellence in whatever profession God has given them proving themselves as leaders, whether it’s a Tebow, a Colt McCoy, or a Graham Harrell. Rich must surely have a hard time proving that religion is such an awful influence on society, unless of course he, like Brad, hates football.
    But give me a break, I’m having fun tonight!

  19. Capital A

    Herb, I have no problem with Tebow expressing his beliefs and using those as motivation. In fact, my stance is to use whatever you believe to motivate you — just be able to express why you have those beliefs if asked about them. It seems to me that isn’t so different from what I have heard Tebow and you state. Instead of “John” and “3:16”, I might have written “Common” and “Sense” in my facepaint instead.
    Better yet, I may have written nothing as a football game should be about the game, and not religion. I understand evangelicals have a hard time grasping that concept, though…
    “I want to thank God for allowing me to score on that 67-yard touchdown pass, thereby proving he loves my team and me more than our opponent!” When athletes make thatimplication through their actions and words, I just laugh intead of taking offense. Hopefully, Peter, Paul…or at the very least…Francis of Assisi will be rootng for the Panthers on Sunday!
    My point is that just because you believe in Jewish fairytales, don’t expect the rest of us to suspend our collective disbelief.
    I was pleased by the outcome of the NC game as it proves the SEC’s continuing dominance over all other conferences. I just wish that the typically poor ACC officiating would not have hampered the flow and the pace of the game. A ban on ACC officials ever poisoning another national championship with their incompetence is something worth praying for!
    Congrats to the hated Gators, thanks for trying, Sooners, and hail to the SEC!

  20. Herb Brasher

    “I want to thank God for allowing me to score on that 67-yard touchdown pass, thereby proving he loves my team and me more than our opponent!”

    Cap, I’m not sure than Tim said that, and I’m pretty much sure he didn’t say or conclude the second half of your sentence, though I wouldn’t put my hand in the fire for others. There are some interesting Christians out there.
    Anyway, thanks for cutting us some slack. I’m a little more worried about the Dawkins’ types who talk like they would like to send us all to the gas chambers. Indeed, they might try someday, but I doubt they’ll be able to exterminate us.
    I wonder if Florida vs Southern Cal wouldn’t have been a better match up . . . .

  21. Capital A

    Herb, I was only teasing about that quote, though I think some college and professional athletes feel they do curry some favor with God due to their words or actions. They are only superseded in supersiliousness by the award-winning rapper or pop artist who thanks God at any number of awards shows just before launching into his or her acceptance speech regarding a scurrilous album celebrating any number of violent, lewd and misogynist acts.
    I don’t want to “send you to gas chambers” either. We all have a right to our beliefs and disbeliefs. Believe it or not, I even have defended vocally the right of Bible thumpers to streetpreach outside the Russell House.
    Southern Cal? Herb, the farther west and away from the Mississippi River you go, the less likely you are to find a worthy opponent. Stick with the SEC, sir!
    Besides, Southern Cal had an opportunity to demonstrate its prowess against an SEC opponent last year, but their officials used their influence to sidestep sure embarrassment at the hands of Georgia by sliding the “fighting” Illini into that spot. Anything to preserve illusions, I guess…


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