So if I’m running one of the major political parties in this state (which is what might happen to me if I’m very, very bad in this life), as I read this, I’m thinking, That’s it! We’re having our primary today!
By KATHY BARKS HOFFMAN
Saturday, August 18, 2007
LANSING, Mich. – Michigan Democrats and Republicans are moving closer to holding a closed presidential primary, the first joint primary in 16 years, on Jan. 15, people familiar with the negotiations said Friday.
If Michigan goes ahead as planned, its primary would leapfrog over the recently moved South Carolina Republican primary, as well as many others.
On Friday, top-level Democrats in Michigan discussed whether to have a primary or a caucus, with opinion leaning toward holding the mid-January primary, according to those in on the negotiations who asked not to be identified because the matter is not yet resolved.
They say a primary would make the state more relevant in choosing the presidential nominee, although backers of presidential candidate John Edwards prefer a caucus.
A Jan. 15 primary would put Michigan ahead of the South Carolina Republican primary, which last week moved up to Jan. 19, and the Nevada Republican and Democratic caucuses, also scheduled for that date. It also could give New Hampshire more impetus to move up its primary to keep its first-in-the-nation status, and may encourage Iowa to hold its caucuses in 2007….
This reminds me of one of my all-time favorite stories in The Onion, which basically involved putting into writing a thought I had had every time I’d seen an ad for razors in the past 30 years (please pardon the deleted expletives):
F___ Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades
By James M. Kilts
CEO and President,
The Gillette Company
February 18, 2004 | Issue 40•07
James M. Kilts
Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the f___ing vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That’s three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I’m telling you what happened — the bastards went to four blades. Now we’re standing around with our c___s in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we’re the chumps. Well, f___ it. We’re going to five blades….
That’s private enterprise for you (or at least, a reasonable satirical facsimile of private enterprise)! If we had somebody like that guy running the parties in S.C., we wouldn’t be getting pushed around like a bunch of chumps by those other states.