Here’s yer ‘choice’: Git or else

Not showing up for the GOP candidate’s debate for superintendent of education tonight was elusive write-in candidate Zeb Hatfield.

However, I did manage to track down Mr. Hatfield for a brief interview at his secluded hideaway in the sandhills. I was only able to get this one photograph before he got his flintlock smoothbore musket loaded. That’s his campaign consultant on his shoulder — nothing unusual about it; that’s exactly where you’ll find most such critters during interviews.

I asked him what he thought about his opponents. He dismissed Bob Staton as a "suit." He allowed as how Karen Floyd was "rat purty," yet "too slick by half." He said Mike Ryan had spent "way too much time in the Yankee Army to be trusted." He said he didn’t know enough about the other two to say for sure why he didn’t like them; he just knew he didn’t.

As he was ramming the wad home in the musket, I tried to pin down his views regarding EFA, EIA, PACT, EAA, NCLB and PPIC. He said he reckoned if I hung around about half a minute longer, he’d "larn" me to go "pokin’ fun at folks who couldn’t read or write a lick by spellin’ out nasty words rat to they faces."

I asked him something about his views on "choice" as I backed toward my vehicle. He said he’d give me a choice: I could either GIT or taste lead.

After two debates, I had thought I was getting the hang of moderating. But there are just some folks that refuse to be moderated. Mr. Hatfield is one. I chose to git.

2 thoughts on “Here’s yer ‘choice’: Git or else

  1. Brad Warthen

    All right, all right. Here’s the REAL story on the above picture… I was looking on the AP wire to see if any photos had moved from the debate tonight, and I ran across this instead. Here’s the actual AP caption:

    Barney Barnwell waits with his opossum "George" just before his induction into The Southern Legends Entertainment Performing Arts Hall of Fame, at the 15th Annual Plum Hollow Bluegrass Festival held in New Prospect, S.C., Saturday, May 27, 2006. Barney Barnwell & The Plum Hollow Band also performed during the festival. (AP Photo/Spartanburg Herald-Journal, Tim Kimzey)

    I like my version better, though.

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