I hope Marvin the Martian will forgive me for paraphrasing him with such liberty.
But that’s what came to mind when I saw my latest job tip.
As I’ve told y’all, back when I was unemployed, I signed up for all kinds of services that would give me a heads-up on jobs that would be a good fit for me. Or rather, on jobs that some software decided would be a good fit for me. Which is where the entertainment value lies, which is why I don’t take the trouble to get off these email lists.
Today, the very first tip that CareerBuilder.com gave me was “Head of Investor Relations.” Which cracked me up by itself. Applied to me, that is. But then, giving it a chance, I clicked on it to find the nugget, the correlation, that caused this tip to come to me. Perhaps, I thought, it was investor relations in a field that otherwise was just me all over. Here’s what I found:
[The company in question] is the world leader in the design, development and manufacture of arc welding products, robotic arc welding systems, plasma and oxyfuel cutting equipment and has a leading global position in the brazing and soldering alloys market.
You read that, and immediately my mug pops into your head, right?
Somewhere, there’s someone that job description was written for. And I hope they find each other, and are very happy. But it ain’t me, babe.
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It’s a short trip from industrial welding robots to crazed plama cutter-wielding killer robots. You should probably get in there while the getting is good.
That doesn’t strike me as off-base at all. You don’t “sell” something because you are an expert–you are the mediator between the expert and the novice. My dad, who only has a bachelors in Chemistry, edited the work of nuclear physicists–because he knew just enough to make some sense out of it, but not so much as not to see the points of confusion. You can explain to general readers the arcane points of politics–well, not as arcane as Cindi, but….
OK, I’ll acknowledge that the “relations” part isn’t stupid. Public relations, media relations, all cool. My eyebrow went up at the “investors” part. Still, I suppose I could swing that, depending on the field. But I don’t think many people look at me and think, here’s a guy who’s going to make me want to invest in arc welding…
You would be ‘splaining the products to the investors–bring it down to their level of comprehension.
You read up, talk to the wizards, and translate into intelligible concepts. Why not?
So what you’re saying is that I can do anything that involves communicating anything. I appreciate the confidence.
So that leaves only one hurdle — the job is in Cleveland, OH.
I forgot to mention that factor, which played into my “why are they sending this to me?” reaction.
You’ve convinced me that I’m perfect for the job. But they’re going to really have to come across with the moolah to get me to commute that far…
Cleveland is surprisingly cool, FWIW.
You are a communicator; you communicate–it’s like what Sam Waterston said when they’d ask him why (before Law and Order) he’d been in so much crap, “I’m an actor. I have to act in what’s offered to me.” Fortunately, you have a great job here!
Funny you should mention Waterston. Someone once compared me to him, suggesting either that I looked like him or had a presence somewhat like his or something. It seemed to come out of left field, but I remember it…
“Cleveland is surprisingly cool, FWIW.”
In temperature only.
I liked it. It is a well-preserved example of those lovely late 19th century Great Lakes cities.
Yeah, you do have a touch of the Waterston about you–your hair, build, clothing choices (he really was awesome in I’ll Fly Away)
CareerBuilder is way off base. When I was looking, I got an email about Insurance Salesman. If they took a look at my resume, it didn’t have sales experience. I reckon that they were looking for anybody that had a pulse.