Just a really quick one:

Here’s a quick one, before your weekend:

1. Struggling U.S. Economy Drags Down The World (NPR) — Gee whiz, NPR! Do you think you could freak us out any more than that?
2. U.N. to investigate Syrian massacre (CNN) — And, perhaps more to the point, a senior U.S. diplomat has hinted at U.S. military action if things keep deteriorating, with or without international participation. (Which is to say, no matter what the Russians say.)
3. Cyberattack against Iran was the work of U.S. and Israeli experts, officials say (WashPost) — Obama not only got bin Laden, he also apparently gave the thumbs-up for Stuxnet. He’s quite a wartime president, it seems. Assad should worry.
4. US nuns reject Vatican criticism (BBC) — Mostly out of the spotlight (except for the way it has borne on the Obamacare debate), there’s been a growing tension between the nuns and the bishops, between the nuns and the Vatican. Just taking note of it here…
5. Zimmerman’s bond revoked (The Guardian) — Judge says he wasn’t straight with the court about his assets. He has 48 hours to surrender.
6. House ethics panel faces scrutiny (The State) — This is old, but it wasn’t a breaking story anyway. It’s a nice setup on what to watch for as the renewed Haley probe progresses. We’re seeing transparency play out in dramatic new ways in our General Assembly, and in a backhanded way, we have our governor to thank for it.

Bet you thought you’d never see another one. Well, I like to defy expectations, so here’s your top news at this hour:

Been awhile since I’ve done one of these. Let’s see if I still have the knack:

1. Sponseller’s body found with self-inflicted gunshot wound (thestate.com) — As discussed previously today.
2. Dow Closes Above 13000 For First Time Since 2008 (WSJ) — More good news, unless your name is Mitt Romney.
3. House slam-dunks Haley’s ports veto (thestate.com) — One member votes her way — Ralph Norman.
4. Romney: ‘Mistakes’ have hurt my campaign (WashPost) — Gee, do ya think? Tonight we’ll see whether Santorum will beat him on his home turf. And then, this thing is really wide open.
5. Senate confirms Haley’s pick to head DHEC (thestate.com) — The story says it happened “Thursday,” but it means “Tuesday.”
6. Third Ohio school shooting death (BBC) — Meanwhile, it’s being reported that the shooter chose his victims at random. “This is not about bullying. This is not about drugs.”

Hang on a sec while I whip together a page here….

I’ve told you about a lot of this already, but just to take a moment to prioritize things:

1. EU agrees to Iran oil embargo (The Guardian) — Seems like a fairly significant development, even though no one else is leading with it at this hour. There are caveats, of course — an agreement “in principle.”
2. McCain Backs Romney After Santorum’s Surge in Iowa (NYT) — This puts Santorum roughly in the Romney position of four years ago — as the “conservative” alternative to the more mainstream candidate.
3. Bachmann exits race as she entered it (WashPost) — I think the headline means, “by babbling in an eccentric manner about Obamacare.”
4. US weapons ‘wish list’ revealed (BBC) — It includes lasers and heat beams, so you know it was really compiled by red-blooded Americans. Yeah, boy…
5. Kodak Preps for Chapter 11 (WSJ) — Come to think of it, I haven’t bought any film in a while.
6. LA bishop with secret family quits (BBC) — I guess he was confused by the “Father” title.

Here’s what’s available to us at this hour:

1. Iran warns U.S. Navy: Stay out of Persian Gulf (WashPost) — Which has got the Navy like, shaking with fear, I’m sure. Nevertheless, this bears watching.
2. Iran tensions send oil prices soaring (The Guardian) — In case you didn’t care before, maybe you care now…
3. It’s caucus day, and the spotlight is on Romney (WashPost) — Yeah, everybody’s talking about it, but I can’t really lead with this, because it hasn’t happened yet. Nothing to tell…
4. Gingrich Calls Romney a Liar (NYT) — … nothing you’d want your children paying attention to, anyway.
5. Dow Rings In 179-Point Gain (WSJ) — Nice start to the year. Not to wish ill on the Republican field or anything, but let’s hope the trend continues…
6. Judge: Black church rightful owner of KKK store (AP) — In a related development, Man bites Dog.

Here’s what we have on this relatively slow news day, the eve of the Iowa caucuses:

1. USC makes history with win over Nebraska (thestate.com) — I told you it was a slow news day. And how is it 11 wins in a season when this is post-season? But congrats, by all means. Good for the village.
2. Iowa, the Early Decider, Still Hasn’t (NYT) — I’ll be glad when this one is over, and we can start paying full attention to actual primaries.
3. ‘Lonely’ Jon Huntsman Won’t Be Solo In N.H. Much Longer (NPR) — The reason we haven’t seen him around here is, he’s really taken up residence up there.
4. Police say body believed to be suspected Rainier gunman found (AP) — I hadn’t been following this, what with the holidays and all, and now it’s over. Maybe. So maybe he wasn’t a real-life Rambo.
5. Child killed in crash caused by drunk driver, police say (thestate.com) — There’s a local horror story. My God… Family’s driving to church on Sunday morning, and a drunk kills their 6-year-old girl? That’s what the cops are saying.
6. Google revamps search home page (BBC) — A little news you can use. Often.

Here’s your Christmas Eve eve news:

1. Justice rejects S.C. voter ID law (WashPost) — Looks like the SC GOP got some early coal in its stocking.
2. Obama in tax victory over House (BBC) — That’s the way the Beeb sees it, anyway.
3. Bomb Blasts Hit 2 Security Facilities in Syrian Capital (NYT) — The NYT says 30 killed; other sources go higher.
4. Leaders honour Havel at funeral (BBC) — I felt like he got short shrift earlier in the week, with all the Kim Jong Il stuff. We should note the passing of a good guy.
5. UK recession nears as services shrink (The Guardian) — Not good. Sorry, but I can’t run over there and help with some spending this time…
6. Crossing the Delaware, More Accurately (NYT) — Nothing like a fun history piece. Well, history is fun to me, at least.

Here are the highlights:

1. Sarkozy and Merkel Push for Changes to Europe Treaty (NYT) — A lot of shoes would have to drop for it to happen, but perhaps the intent will calm things down.
2. Ratings agency warns euro nations (BBC) — But have they acted in time?
3. Moscow protest after Russia vote (BBC) — Hundreds shouted “Down with Putin!” Hey, wait a minute — can they do that?
4. Critics target cost of Guard troops on border (WashPost) — Is it time to bring our boys back from the Rio?
5. Found: Earth-Like Planet That Might Be Right For Life (NPR) –I wonder whether there are any jobs there. And before we have a celebration, consider that at the same time…
6. Astronomers find biggest black holes ever (The Guardian) — I suppose the previous record was held by the Greek national debt…

Let’s see what we have today…

1. Global Stocks Soar as Central Banks Act (WSJ) — This is basically two big stories — the central banks around the world (the Federal Reserve, the Bank of Canada, the Bank of England, the Bank of Japan, the European Central Bank and the Swiss National Bank) getting together to act, and the markets’ reaction to it.
2. Britain shuts embassy in Tehran (The Guardian) — Not only that, but the Beeb reports, UK to expel all Iranian diplomats…
3. A Defiant Cain Pledges to Stay in the Race (NYT) — He reassessed, and this is what he came up with.
4. ‘Hopeful’ Clinton in Burma visit (BBC) — From our good news department, dawn appears to be breaking in a dark corner of the world.
5. Billy Graham Hospitalized in Asheville (Charlotte Observer) — The evangelist possibly has pneumonia.
6. Rita Jenrette: No sex on Capitol steps (WashPost) — First they say there’s no Santa Claus, now this. But here’s the rich part: Rita is now remarried to an Italian aristo, and is called the Principessa Rita Boncompagni Ludovisi. No, really.

Is it that time already. Here ya go:

1. Iran protesters storm UK embassy (BBC) — Which isn’t really quite the thing, is it? Iran expresses “regret,” which is semi-decent of them. Progress of a sort, I suppose…
2. American Airlines Files For Bankruptcy (NPR) — Hard to say how this augurs for the economy overall. I seem to recall airlines do this even when the rest of us have decent jobs. Don’t they? Practically business as usual.
3. Panel questions DHEC board on Georgia port permit (AP) — They all say Nikki didn’t put pressure on them. But what of that? As Cindi wrote, that’s not really the point here…
4. Cain says he is reassessing his candidacy (WashPost) — Do tell. Ya think? Tell me something I don’t know. And other dismissive cliches…
5. Newt Gingrich surges in South Carolina (The Guardian) — And even the Brits are taking notice, and playing it up.
6. Myanmar Reforms Impress Some Skeptics (NYT) — An assessment of the situation on the ground, on the eve of Hillary Clinton’s visit.

Still feeling a bit logy after gorging myself last few days, but here’s something to get the brain juices flowing:

1. Syrian troops have killed hundreds of children – UN (The Guardian) — Report alleges crimes against humanity.
2. Egyptians crowd polling stations (BBC) — A lot of questions, but a lot of hope. Oh, and be sure to check out this interesting graphic feature over at the Beeb.
3. Dow Surges 291 Points (WSJ) — You see, some days the traders are convinced that Europe is going to get its act together, and the market goes up, and other days they decide Europe is hopeless, and the market goes down. This is a “Europe is going to get its act together” day. I’ll let you know if I notice any discernible pattern, such as M-W-F or T-Th, or whatever.
4. Black Friday Sales Suggest A Strong Cyber Monday (NPR) — You know, it seems that with online stuff, we’d just know, instantly, how it’s going, and not have to wait for numbers to be compiled. You know what I think? I think that, instead of sophisticated algorithms, the Web is run by little guys with arm garters and green eyeshades who live inside your computer. Don’t get me started on Cyber Monday.
5. Andre Bauer endorses Gingrich (thestate.com) — Nothing can stop him now, eh?
6. Lana Peters, Stalin’s Daughter, Dies at 85 (NYT) — There are real people who stumble, through no intention of their own, through the epic events of their century just as the fictional Forrest Gump did. The erstwhile Svetlana Stalina was one such person.

Oh, and right after I finished putting this together, this came in:

Herman Cain reveals Ginger White to accuse him of a 13-year affair

After being criticized for his slow response to sexual harassment allegations, presidential candidate Herman Cain on Monday refuted a story that has yet to come out.

“It was pretty simple,” Ginger White told an Atlanta TV station in an interview set to air at 6 p.m. Monday evening. “It wasn’t complicated. I was aware that he was married. And I was also aware I was involved in a very inappropriate situation, relationship.”

The former Godfather’s Pizza CEO told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer that a story will break Monday night in which a woman is “going to accuse me of an affair for an extended period of time.” An Atlanta television station, Cain explained, asked him for comment.

Fox 5 Atlanta is also hyping the story, saying in a promotional video that the woman in question accused Cain of a 13-year-affair.

Cain told CNN, “It is someone that I know, who is an acquaintance who I thought was a friend.”

The GOP presidential candidate later elaborated on their relationship, saying she was a “friend, because not having a job, et cetera and this sort of thing.” He said it was “premature” to talk about how long he had known the woman, and that his wife had not met her…

But Herman Cain is sort of last month’s news by now, right?

Here are some quick headlines:

1. With China in mind, Obama sends in the Marines (WashPost) — To Australia, that is. Last time we sent them there, it was to counter the Japanese. Now, it’s China. This is why I increasingly like Obama, who just quietly and without fuss constantly projects U.S. power far more aggressively that W. ever did. A cool customer. Gung ho, Mr. President. Interesting move. Bears watching.
2. Suspect is charged with trying to kill Obama (WashPost) — One thing the world will never stop doing, apparently, is churning out dangerous nutjobs. He had driven with a rifle all the way from Idaho in a Honda to kill “the Antichrist.”
3. Mass arrests at Occupy protests (BBC) — That’s the national story. Locally, the 19 Occupy Columbia protesters arrested last night were released from the Richland County jail.
4. Late Slide Hits Stocks (WSJ) — More European worries, and lack of confidence in deficit negotiators.
5. Haley calls Citadel response to ReVille complaint ‘unacceptable’ (Post & Courier) — The gov weighs in on child molestation scandal.
6. Pakistan ambassador offers to resign (The Guardian) — The furor was over “claims that he crafted an offer to US officials to rein in the Pakistani military and intelligence agency in the wake of Osama bin Laden‘s death.” Sounds like the kind of guy it would be good to keep around.

Been in a meeting all day and am now at a Starbucks in Charleston. Here’s a quick look at the headlines:

1. Supreme Court to Hear Case Challenging Health Law (NYT) — So I guess we’re gonna settle this, huh?
2. Jordan calls on Assad to resign (BBC) — How do you say “pariah” in Arabic?
3. Troops feel more pity than respect (WashPost) — I was glad to see this story documenting something that has been bugging me: America has forgotten how to relate to its warriors, and treats them — absurdly — as some sort of victims. We need to have long talk about this.
4. Merkel: toughest times since WWII (The Guardian) — And when the Germans say this, you should snap to Achtung!
5. The Citadel addresses allegations against ReVille (WCIV) — You know who hipped me to this going on this afternoon? Nancy Mace, the first female cadet to graduate from the Citadel. Good to have sources.
6. NBA players reject league’s latest offer (WashPost) — For those of you who were in suspense.

Not my usual headline style, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to type 11/11/11, since it will never come again. Now, the news:

1. Italy’s playboy politician exits (WashPost) — At least their scandals are more interesting.
2. Greece swears in unity coalition (BBC) — Bringing an end to political wrangling.
3. Markets Rally as Italy and Greece Move on Austerity (NYT) — Good to know.
4. SEC disciplined employees over Madoff probe (WashPost) — That’s for failing to stop him for years and years.
5. State revenue to grow by nearly $1 billion (The State) — This is a day old, but it’s important, and I didn’t have it last night.
6. USC halfway to its fundraising goal of $1 billion (thestate.com) — Knowing the state will share little of its billion with higher education, USC goes out and gets its own. God Bless the Child that’s got his own…

Here’s what I’m seeing right now:

1. A Shaken Italy Is Poised to Name a New Government (NYT) — While markets, on tenterhooks, watch.
2. Riot as legendary US coach sacked (BBC) — I find that it helps my sense of perspective to view anything this American, and this bizarre, through a British lens.
3. Penn State Protests Upset Families Of Alleged Victims (NPR) — Meanwhile, from a planet where sanity and perspective reign…
4. DHEC approves deal to allow widening for Georgia port (AP) — And Vincent Sheheen unloads on DHEC, Haley.
5. U.S. Delays Decision on Pipeline Until After Election (NYT) — Not that I was holding my breath waiting for it to happen, but everyone seems to think this delay is a really big deal, so here you go…
6. Perry tries to recover from gaffe (WashPost) — Perry has three good reasons not to quit the race: He’s conservative, he talks tough, and, um… there was another one lying around here somewhere…

Here’s what I have right now:

1. U.N. Finds Signs of Work by Iran Toward Nuclear Device (NYT) — Surprise, surprise, Sgt. Carter!
2. Cain Says He Won’t Drop Out Of Presidential Race (NPR) — Hey, that’s just like what Silvio Berlusconi was saying yesterday! He says this as a second accuser steps forward.
3. Italy’s Berlusconi vows to resign (BBC) — How do you like the way I set that one up?
4. Philly boxing legend Joe Frazier dies (Philadelphia Inquirer) — Don’t know about you, but that was news to me: I thought he was our boxing legend.
5. Haley heads to California to raise cash, speak (Post and Courier) — Because, you know, that’s where we, the people SC, need her to be.
6. Riverbanks Zoo announces record-setting gift (thestate.com) — Thought you might like a bit of good news.

Here are the headlines, such as they are:

1. Asteroid to Pass Close to Earth Tuesday (WSJ) — There’s no danger, say the astronomers, so nothing to worry about, as long as the boffins have done their sums right. But I’m leading with it because the freaking thing is passing between us and the moon, and it’s as big as an aircraft carrier. Which raises the question, what do we do about one with a slightly different trajectory? OK, I admit it. I didn’t want to lead with Herman Cain.
2. Woman says Cain groped her; he denies it (WashPost) It was somewhat graphic. How should I describe this on a family blog? OK, baseball is usually safe… Streaking past first base altogether, he went straight for second base, and had rounded second heading heedlessly for third when he was thrown out. Yep, that’s what she said happened. Fortunately, there’s no video to review. As our standards decline, we’ll probably have that with the next scandal.
3. Berlusconi stakes future on vote (The Guardian) — Last week it was Greece. This week our morbid fascination focuses on the Italians and whether they will be the ones to act as a millstone for our foundering economy. Meanwhile, Italian “Bond rates are being driven to levels that earlier forced Greece, Ireland and Portugal to seek bailouts.”
4. JACKO DOC GUILTY (NYPost) — Thought it best to go tabloid with this one. Also, it reminded me that I was working for these guys when all of a sudden they dropped their interest in Mark Sanford to concentrate on the death of the King of Pop.
5. Murdoch paper spied on hacking lawyers (BBC) — Meanwhile, the guy who took so long to pay me for that work gets into the stuff a little deeper. See how all stories are related, if you look at them right?
6. You mean, he got PAID for that? (bradwarthen.com) — Mark Sanford makes his first appearance as a paid commentator on Fox. Note how this relates to item 4, which relates to item 5. Oh, and the fact they were talking economics relates this to item 3, which, being about Berlusconi, clearly relates to item 2.

And item 1 relates to everything else here because today’s news is rather unearthly.

There, I did it. Sort of. As I used to tell my friend and colleague Charlie Pope in the ’80s (and he has reminded me many times since), I always wanted to put out one edition of the newspaper with just one story that tells ALL of the days news, in keeping with the principle that all things are related. As I used to tell Charlie, “It’s all in the transitions.”