Category Archives: Community

My lame routine at Rotary today

On Friday, I got the call asking me to fill in at today’s Rotary meeting with Health & Happiness — which as you may recall means coming up with jokes.

I stressed about it all weekend, because with me, the members expect topical, original material — and I just hadn’t seen much to laugh about recently.

But I had to come up with something, so here’s what I came up with:

As y’all know, I generally try, in my own poor way, to offer y’all a little humorous commentary on the passing parade of current events.

I prefer doing that to falling back on the tried and true method of googling “clean jokes” on the Internet. Since I AM a writer, that just always feels like sort of a copout.

But folks, we are suffering a severe shortage of current events humor, particularly in the political arena. You may not have noticed, because it struck quite suddenly. We were enjoying a huge political comedy bubble in this state, but recently the bubble burst.

So it is that after the recent election, from my point of view, there’s not much to laugh about in the news.

There was a lot of stuff that was ALMOST funny, but it generally fell short of the mark. For instance:

There was good news and bad news in the U.S. House elections. The good news is that the hapless Democrats are no longer in charge. The bad news is that the Republicans ARE going be in charge. We, the people, just can’t win, and it’s not a bit funny.

Being a guy who gets his news via the written word, I thought for a brief time that there was some comic possibility in the name of the man who would be our new speaker of the House. Imagine my bitter disappointment when I heard on the radio that B-o-e-h-n-e-r is pronounced “BAY-ner.” What a loss to comedy! (Pause.) I’m going to give you a moment to think about that one…

Moving on, Alvin Greene also disappointed us. He gave it a good run, but fell just a BIT short of winning his election, so now we don’t have Alvin Greene to kick around anymore. Of course, now he says he’s going to run for president. I mean, he’s doing his best for us, and I appreciate that, but he’s completely lost the strategic advantage of surprise, and I’m concerned that he might not be able to cinch the nomination this time.

Then there’s Christine O’Donnell, the former teenage witch. We had a lot of fun with her during the election, and she promised to be a hoot and a half once she got to the Senate. And that was looking good, since she had that can’t-miss Tea Party kingmaker, Jim DeMint, backing her. Apparently, neither his magic nor hers was working. Maybe she SHOULD have joined that coven, after all.

Here’s how bad it’s gotten on the political humor front: I heard the other day that Gov. Sanford was seen actually hiking the Appalachian Trail – or thereabouts, anyway. No detour to, say, Patagonia. I mean, when you can’t rely on Mark Sanford, what are you gonna do?

Now, I don’t want to leave y’all feeling hopeless. There are some promising developments on the horizon:

First, South Carolina still has the first-in-the-South Republican presidential primary, and it’s only 14 months away. So there’s all sorts of potential for tomfoolery in the days to come.

Next, Nancy Pelosi isn’t fading away, but seems poised to come back as the new minority leader. This will at least please South Carolina Republicans. You may have noticed in the recent election how they LOVE saying her name, over and over, whether it’s relevant to the subject at hand or not. Say “good morning” to a Republican running for Congress, and he’ll say “Nancy Pelosi.”

Oh, and how about the way she resolved the fight between our own Jim Clyburn and Steny Hoyer over the meaningless post of minority whip? She made up an even MORE meaningless position for Mr. Clyburn as a consolation prize. THAT has potential. I launched a contest today on my blog to come up with a fitting title for that post. I’m leaning toward “Once and Future Whip,” or maybe “Whip Wannabe.”

Finally, I see that our new governor-elect has named her transition team, saying she chose its members based on their success in their chosen fields. Then I saw she had named her husband to the team. Now, that fact in and of itself doesn’t quite rise to the level of “funny,” but it has promise. And I promise YOU that I will keep an eye on that situation and report back if anything develops.

Anyway, bottom line, I told y’all this wouldn’t be funny. So let me close with this little story I pulled off the Internet:

A politician, a clergyman, and a Boy Scout were passengers in a small plane that developed engine trouble. The pilot announced, “We’ll have to bail out. Unfortunately, there are only three parachutes. I have a wife and seven small children. My family needs me. I’m taking one of the parachutes and jumping out!” And he jumped. Then the politician said, “I am the smartest politician in the world. The country needs me. I’m taking one of the parachutes.” And he jumped. The clergyman said to the Boy Scout, “I’ve had a good life and yours is still ahead of you. You take the last parachute.” The scout shrugged and said, “Don’t need to. There are two parachutes left. The smartest politician in the world just jumped with my knapsack!”

How did it go? Well, let’s put it this way — I got a big laugh on the joke I pulled from the Internet. But I wasn’t disappointed. The small laughs I got in response to the rest was the most I was hoping for.

It definitely wasn’t like the times that I KILLED. But I didn’t totally die, either…

Way to go! We’re No. 18! (I think)

4 Replies

I don’t remember what I was looking for, but over the weekend I inadvertently stumbled on this Web page listing the teams from the recent Walk for Life, with what I take to be their total amounts raised.

And as I skimmed down the alphabetical list, I saw that “Brad’s Bloggers” had the highest total — $982 — up to that point in the alphabet. (We were 22nd on the list.)

Hey, I knew we had done pretty well — largely thanks to Doug Ross — but this intrigued me enough to run down the whole list and see how many teams raised more than we did.

And there were only 17 teams that did better, out of more than 300 teams. (I counted twice. One time I got 314, the next time I got 304. So I just decided to call it “more than 300,” because I’ve got work to do.)

How about that? And we got a late start. Just think what we could do next year, if we’re just a little better organized.

Anyway, here’s my list of the top 20 teams (if I missed anybody in my quick skim, I apologize):

The Pink Posse — $19,741
Pink for Michelle — $3,900
Steps for Steph — $3,728
Cancer Crushers — $3,715
Keenan Suggs — $2,531.65
Team TWC — $2,522.50
Irmo/Lexington Curves — $2,270
SCBT — $2,105
Positively Pink — $1,730
Lizard’s Thicket — $1,620
Edens & Avant — $1,540
University of Phoenix Columbia Campus… — $1,153
KICK — $1,137
SCANA Legal/Legal Regulatory/Environmental Team… — $1,100
Richland One SNS Boob Buddies — $1,071
Mt. Herman Walkers — $1,005
The Ta-tinis — $1,003
Brad’s Bloggers — $982
Richland One – Forest Heights Deb’s Team… — $900
Crusaders for the Cure — $885

What I didn’t say to Rotary today

8 Replies

The agenda got overcrowded at today’s Columbia Rotary Club meeting, and Health and Happiness got squeezed out — which was kind of a relief to me, because I hadn’t come up with anything funny. Instead, this is what I had prepared:

Health and Happiness

November 1, 2010

I initially asked President Robin to make room for me on the program today so that I could do Health & Happiness on the day before the election, because I thought I’d have all sorts of political humor in my pocket.

But as the day approached, I realized this was no time to joke around. The stakes in tomorrow’s election are too great for that.

I’m not going to make any endorsements here today. If you want those, go to my blog, bradwarthen.com. But I thought I’d share some general observations about voting responsibly that I’ve picked up in 36 years of watching politics very closely.

Recently, someone on my blog commented on how young the candidates for governor are. Well, they seem REALLY young to me: Vincent Sheheen is about 3 years older than my oldest child. Nikki Haley is about the same age.

Once, governors were OLDER people. The first time I interviewed a serious candidate for governor who was younger than I was was in 1994 – it was David Beasley. That was a shock. But I’ve had to grow accustomed to it.

The youth of the candidates reminds me just how long I’ve been writing about this stuff. My first experience with covering a gubernatorial campaign was in Tennessee in 1978, and I came home to South Carolina, initially as the editor supervising the political writers, in 1987.

Let me share some of the things I’ve observed, and learned, and figured out over that time. Some of them may seem a little counterintuitive; they may run against conventional wisdom (as if there’s anything conventional about wisdom). Others are just common sense, but please bear with me while I share them anyway.

All of my career, particularly my time as an editorialist, there was one noncontroversial position that newspapers across the country embraced without fear of contradiction: Urging people to vote. You’ve all heard the pious pronouncements: No matter how you vote, go vote; it is your duty!

Well, I have over time developed a heretical notion: Not everyone should vote. And if you are so disengaged, so uninterested, that you need ME to urge you, coax you, twist your arm to get you to vote – well, you shouldn’t be voting. Yes, turnout is low in this country, and that’s a shame. But we don’t need MORE voting so much as we need better, more thoughtful, voting. If you doubt me, I point you to the nomination of Alvin Greene in the recent primary.

Fortunately, the members of this club tend to be the kind of people who SHOULD vote – you are engaged and involved in your communities. You keep yourselves informed.

But as you DO vote, please consider the following:

First, don’t vote on the basis of campaign promises. Not because the candidates won’t KEEP the promises, but because they almost certainly WILL. And there is no way that a candidate can predict what sort of situations he will encounter in office, much less predict what the wise course will be in advance. Wise leadership should never be bound and shackled by the kinds of promises people make in an effort to get a majority of people to vote for them.

So, if not promises, what SHOULD be the guide? CHARACTER. Listen to the candidate’s words. See if they are consistent with his or her actions. Note the way his or her mind works. Take heed of how candidates interact with other people, including their opponents.

Next: Study what the candidates have actually done in the past, more than what they’ve said about the future. Examine their personal and professional records, certainly. But especially scrutinize their records in public service. This is going to be the most controversial thing I say today, given the current anti-incumbent fever, but you shouldn’t vote for anyone for HIGH office whom you haven’t had the chance to observe dealing with the pressures of lower office. Because there’s no human endeavor quite like service in a political position, and until you’ve seen someone perform in that arena, you have no idea how they will perform in the job for which they are currently running.

Don’t, under any circumstances, base your judgment upon the candidate’s political party. I would say NEVER vote for anyone who belongs to a political party, but that would sort of limit your choices. So I ask you to consider a candidate’s suitability in SPITE of his or her affiliation. You have an obligation as a voter to THINK FOR YOURSELF; do NOT surrender that to a party. Parties are enormously destructive things that inject all sorts of evils into our politics, not the least of which is intellectual dishonesty. Parties demand, REQUIRE, that their adherents agree with the stupidest ideas put forth by members of their party, and reject out of hand the very best ideas put forth by members of the other party. They are, as a result, strangling the deliberative process that is the heart of our system of representative democracy.

Since you can’t really avoid candidates who belong to parties, look for the ones who seem uncomfortable in that role, who sometimes actually agree and work with folks in the other party. Those are the ones who have not been ruined by the affiliation.

That’s as far as I’m going to go. For more, please check out bradwarthen.com.

And thank you for listening. I know it’s rather presumptuous of me to stand here and give advice, and you’re all very kind to listen. Good day.

After the meeting, the head of the H&H committee came up to me and said he was going to redo the schedule so I can be on later this month. I said OK, but that will be way late to use what I had prepared for today, and right now I’m not anticipating seeing much of anything funny in the election results. I mean, if Nikki wins I’m going to be depressed about politics altogether, and disgusted with the electorate for having done something extraordinarily foolish. And if Vincent pulls it out and wins, I’m going to be very happy for South Carolina and proud of the electorate for having paid attention finally… but I don’t think I’ll see anything funny in that.

But you never know. Comedy has a way of rearing it’s silly head when you least expect it.

The State decides it, too, is 55 percent for the sales tax referendum

23 Replies

A couple of days ago, I was talking with a good friend — a very conservative Republican leader, a longtime close ally of Mark Sanford — about politics and mentioned the proposed penny sales tax increase for transportation in Richland County. He said, derisively (but in a friendly way), something along the lines of, “And you just think that would be GREAT, don’t you?”

Well, no. As I explained to him, I’m probably about 45 percent against it. But I’m more than 50 percent for it, when all is weighed and measured. So I’ve gone out of my way to help support the effort to pass it — now that I’m not a newspaper editor any more, and am in more of a position to stand up for things I believe in instead of just writing about them.

But I know that I SEEM like a pro-tax guy to someone who is strongly anti-tax and has powerful feelings on the subject. The thing is, I’m about as neutral as a guy can get on taxes. I look at a particular tax in a particular situation, and I look for logical reasons to take a particular position on it — raise it, lower it, eliminate it, place or remove restrictions on it, whatever.

At no point does any sort of personal FEELING about taxes enter into it. I guess because I never really feel personally put-upon, but look at it from 30,000 feet in terms of whether it makes sense as policy. (In fact, one reason I like this tax is that I, as a Lexington Countian who doesn’t pay Richland County property taxes but spends most of my waking ours in Columbia, taking advantage of the amenities here, would have to pay my share of it. That’s fair.) Sometimes I decide a tax proposal doesn’t make good policy sense. Sometimes I decide it does. The penny sales tax on Tuesday’s ballot in Richland County is one case that, when you balance all the pros and cons, makes sense under the circumstances.

My primary concern here is making sure we have a transportation system for folks who can’t afford to own a car (which is sort of the definition of poverty in this country). I don’t like that the mechanism is a sales tax (except for the part about people like me, from outside the county, paying it), but until someone waves a magic wand or does a brain transplant on the Legislature (just don’t use the one from that “Abby Normal” guy!), we are going to have an overburdened sales tax.

You know why that is? It’s because of some of the ANTI-tax people. In this state, anti-tax sentiment has tended to center on property taxes and to some extent the income tax. So basically we’ve pushed down on those (especially the property tax, and most especially the tax on owner-occupied homes), creating upward pressure on sales taxes.

Which is just fine with certain elements of the anti-tax movement in SC, because there’s a line of thought followed by a lot (although certainly not all) of its adherents: “Government is a thing that is hostile to people like me (white, middle-class people). Government exists to do one thing: take money away from people like me, and give it to undeserving people (usually black, poor people), either through direct payments (welfare as we knew it) or services for THEM and not for ME. A property tax is unfair because it penalizes me for working hard and sacrificing to buy a home. A sales tax is fair because THOSE PEOPLE have to pay it, too (never mind that the taxes on rental property are higher and are passed on as part of rent).”

So you end up with essential services, from school operations to transportation infrastructure, being paid for by the overburdened and unstable sales tax.

That’s not good, for a host of reasons. But that’s the way things are, and that is the reality that Richland County has to deal with. This is the option it has.

As you know, I continue to advocate strongly for comprehensive tax reform. This state badly needs to get on a sounder, fairer, better-balanced fiscal footing. (One of the great ironies of politics in SC is that we’ve now gotten to where EVERYBODY, including Vincent Sheheen and Nikki Haley, are for comprehensive tax reform — but we still haven’t gotten it.) But I understand that Richland County does not have the power to make that happen, and has to deal with the situation before it.

And this sales tax is a sound, practical way to get the job done.

But I know all the arguments against it. And BECAUSE I know all those arguments, and I know my former colleagues at The State, I did not expect the paper to endorse the referendum.

It was looking like the paper wouldn’t endorse either way — with only Cindi and Warren left writing for the page, the number of endorsements overall have been curtailed dramatically — but it if did, it might be against. I had read Warren’s columns setting out the arguments for AND against, and figured that would be that. And I knew Cindi — her inclinations would set her against it. (She, even more than I, has had a “no tax increases until comprehensive tax reform” attitude that colors such decisions.)

But Friday, I was pleased to see the paper DID take the plunge on an issue it was truly torn over. And it ended up where I did — not crazy about it, but ultimately for it.

Here’s an excerpt from the endorsement, “Say ‘yes’ to transportation sales tax:”

We have multiple concerns about the plan on Tuesday’s ballot: The volatile sales tax already is being relied on too heavily — in our community and across the state. It’s already 9 cents on some items in Richland County. It’s difficult to swallow raising it even more in this down economy. Moreover, most of the billion-plus dollars the tax would raise won’t be used to fund our primary need — the bus system; two-thirds would be spent on road improvements and building sidewalks, bike paths and greenways.

Despite these concerns, we have reluctantly concluded that on balance it is in the best interest of this community, its quality of life and its economy. We believe voters should approve the sales tax, and also allow the county to borrow $200 million, which would be repaid using the tax, in order to get work started as soon as possible.

One appealing aspect of this plan is that people from outside the county would pay a projected 40 percent of the tax. But two things in particular tipped the balance for us. The first is the overriding need for a vibrant bus system to serve those whose lives and livelihoods depend on it, support the economy and provide a transportation option that helps reduce congestion, pollution and gas use.

The second is the broad support the plan has received. Thirty-nine well-respected citizens, including Columbia College President Caroline Whitson and Columbia Urban League President J.T. McLawhorn, sat on the commission whose study formed the basis of this proposal; many have been vocal in their support of the increase. In addition, a number of influential business people have galvanized behind this effort. These include some of this community’s more conservative leaders…

By the way, I had accompanied a delegation of referendum supporters — J.T. McLawhorn, Ted Speth and several others — when they went and made their pitch to the editorial board. That was a personal milestone, the very first time I’ve been in that room since leaving the paper, and my first time ever on that side of the equation. The full board was there (Cindi, Warren, Mark Lett and Henry Haitz). One of my fellow guests asked me, “Was Obama in this room?” I said yes, in the seat being occupied by Lee Bussell (another member of our delegation). John McCain had sat there, too, more than once. And Joe Biden, John Edwards, Joe Lieberman. George W. Bush. Ted Sorensen. Plenty of others had been in the room, but not in that particular chair like those. Lots of memories.

I didn’t say much. And the board didn’t ask many questions. I really didn’t feel it had gone that well, since I had reason to believe the odds were against us, and the meeting just didn’t feel (based on my long experience) like a game-changer. But then, I had never been in that position.

Afterward, Cindi and Warren gave me a tour of their new digs. They’ve moved out of our top-floor suite of offices (editorial is no longer a separate division reporting to the publisher, but under news chief Mark Lett) and are now in the part of the newsroom that used to be the morgue — library, I suppose I should say (“morgue” is a term that dates to the old days in newspapers, before that building was built). They’ve turned the area into offices, plus a little conference room, by making walls out of tall bookcases and cabinets. It’s nicer than I thought it would be.

Anyway, they didn’t say anything to indicate how they thought the meeting had gone. Until Friday, I had thought they had decided not to take a stand on it either way. (And in fact, I worried that the board meeting might have pushed them to take a stand, and the stand would be against. It was that much of a near thing.) So the Friday endorsement was a nice, welcome surprise.

Like me, my former colleagues don’t consider the plan one to jump for joy over. But all things considered, the right answer is “yes.”

It wasn’t me, but what a good idea

24 Replies

Once the clan had wandered back, in our several vehicles (12 of us, 3 vehicles), from Memphis after the big wedding weekend was over, my eldest texted me to ask:

Know anything about that sign in my yard?

To which I replied, in all innocence:

No, not that I recall.

Note that I did not add, “… at this point in time,” because it would have sounded too Watergatish. She wrote back,

Someone stuck a sign in support of the penny sales tax in my yard. No idea who.

Well, I continue to have no memory of taking any action to lead to that eventuality.

But it was certainly a good idea! So, nice going to whomever. And I’m taking it as a good sign, so to speak, that the item was still up in her yard when I drove by and took the above picture at 3:25 PM today.

How much do YOU text? And why?

13 Replies

There was a fascinating piece in The Wall Street Journal today, headlined, “Y U Luv Texts, H8 Calls.” Cute, huh? Anyway, the short answer to the implied question was, “We Want to Reach Others But Not to Be Interrupted.” But there was more to it than that.

There were some pretty incredible numbers in there:

For anyone who doubts that the texting revolution is upon us, consider this: The average 13- to 17-year-old sends and receives 3,339 texts a month—more than 100 per day, according to the Nielsen Co., the media research firm. Adults are catching up. People from ages 45 to 54 sent and received 323 texts a month in the second quarter of 2010, up 75% from a year ago, Nielsen says.

100 texts a day? Yeah, kids are pretty nuts about these things, but 100 texts a day? And that’s the average, rather than a pathological extreme? Come on.

Still, its undeniable that for the younger generations, texting is far more important than using the phone as a, well, phone.

That’s true even for an alter cocker like me — although “texts” aren’t my preferred medium. I’m far more likely to use my Blackberry to send an e-mail, or post a Tweet, or send a DM, or respond to a blog comment, than I am to use it to talk to anyone. Enough so that I’ve crippled my thumbs. (The pain is still considerable; I see a doctor next week.)

In total, I’ve sent out 2,702 Tweets since I started a little more than a year ago. That’s a lot, but hardly 100 a day.

Texting is undeniably useful, particularly for communicating under certain circumstances with people who have cell phones that are not “smart.” Last night, for instance, I went to a reception at Rosewood’s at the fairgrounds. When I was leaving that, I planned to connect with my daughter, who had brought her kids to the fair. I tried calling her, and couldn’t hear her over the fair noise. So I texted, “Where are you? I couldn’t hear…” She replied, “We’re @ the picnic tables under a tent right outside entrance to grandstand,” and I answered, “OK, stay there…”

Undeniably useful. But as a substitute for other forms of communication, no, I don’t think so. And how on Earth is it appealing for people who don’t have full QWERTY keyboards on their devices? Talk about tedious…

Kids don’t seem to mind, though. Which provokes a thought: Back in the ’60s, many of us thought we were SO different from our parents. And outwardly, perhaps we were. But this latest development suggests that kids today are actually, cognitively different from us. They’re wired entirely different, and technology has done the wiring.

And what are the social, cultural, political and personal consequences of that?

The comic stylings of Vincent Sheheen

3 Replies

You can tell a lot about a candidate by the way he delivers a joke. And what I can tell from this is that we really need to elect this guy governor, to distract him from any plans he may have to pursue a standup career.

But seriously, folks…

You do see some of Vincent’s character on display here in the beginning of his speech to the Columbia Rotary Club — his casual, self-deprecating manner. And there’s a certain contrast to be drawn to Nikki Haley (who will speak to Rotary next Monday).

Whereas the joke is at the expense of a theoretical “South Carolina politician,” the gentle, warmly mocking way that Vincent makes a serious point stands in contrast to the angrier, grab-the-torches-and-pitchforks approach to “South Carolina politicians” that one might encounter at a Haley event. How Nikki manages to fool her supporters into believing that the South Carolina politician is “the Other,” that she is not herself one, is beyond me…

Ultimately, the issue of who will replace Mark Sanford is rightly a question of character. So I thought it worth sharing a tidbit from which you can infer something along those lines.

If anything, Vincent takes the whole lollygaggin’, easygoin’ thing to the point of being a fault. It’s why, I expect, Dick Harpootlian wanted Dwight Drake to run — Vincent is perceived as such a nice guy, and Dick wanted someone who would GO AFTER the Republicans. (One problem with that is that Dwight’s a pretty nice guy, too. But nevermind.)

And yes, I DO plan to post something more substantive about his speech yesterday. It’s just that I’m running out of time today, and this short clip was right at hand…

And would ye be after havin’ a problem with this, now, paisan?

2 Replies

Heading out in the cool of the morning Saturday for the Walk for Life, I put on two layers — a black T-shirt I sometimes wear on the weekends, and a long-sleeved baseball-style undershirt over it — in anticipation of putting on yet a third layer (the official Walk for Life T-shirt) over that.

Which worked fine during the walk.

But later, when the wife and my daughter and a friend and I headed to the Italian Festival on Main Street, the sun necessitated stripping down to the first layer. And it didn’t even occur to me to think what that layer was.

I was reminded of it when I got in line to buy some food tickets so I could buy some Italian sausage with onions and peppers to wash down with my draft Peroni lager. Ernie Trubiano, former sports scribe at The State, was selling the tickets. Quoth he, “You got some nerve showing up here wearing that…”

He said it in a nice way, though — more marveling at my brazenness than getting in my face about it.

Gee, I wasn’t trying to start an international incident. But that IS one of my fave shirts. I got it at the best St. Paddy’s Day ever in Five Points, the one in 2007, against which all such gatherings shall henceforth be measured.

The best part of the shirt is the side you don’t see — the back is a mock Guinness logo with the words being about the St. Pat’s event. I’ll try to remember to take a picture of that and share it later. It’s awesome.

The Walk was great. I’m tired now…

14 Replies

Here are three of the 6,000 people who walked for breast cancer awareness this morning — Mark Stewart, Kathryn Fenner and Doug Ross.

Brad’s Bloggers. The Few. The Proud. Etc.

We had a great time. The weather couldn’t have been better. Afterward, I went to the Italian festival on Main Street, which was also awesome.

And then I took a nap. But I’m still kinda dopey.

But I wanted to be sure to thank Mark, Kathryn, Doug. And the following, who gave but were unable to walk with us:

David Knobeloch
Pat Dixon
Nick Nielsen
Buddy Johnson

Next year, we’ll do it again, and I’ll try to get an earlier start on the planning. Maybe we’ll have custom T-shirts; who knows?

But now, I’m feeling pretty good about the $932 we raised — $450 of it by Doug alone!

Tomorrow is the Walk for Life!

6 Replies

Those of you who are joining me, I’ll see you at the appointed place and time.

This post is to thank my team members, who among them have raised $892 for the cause!

Doug Ross
Kathryn Fenner
David Knobeloch
Pat Dixon
Nick Nielsen
Buddy Johnson
Mark Stewart

And especially Doug Ross, who came up with $410 of that on his own! Yep, Doug gives me a hard time here on the blog now and then, but he just earned the right to continue to be contrarian. He’s definitely a made man on this blog.

As are all of my teammates…

“Use to was:” Small town South Carolina

2 Replies

Dang it, I searched on Google Books for the quote I wanted, but you know how they leave out pages here and there? Apparently the page I wanted was one of those.

Anyway, there’s a page somewhere in John le Carre’s The Little Drummer Girl in which our heroine Charlie is being escorted through a bombed-out 1980s Beirut by a couple of young Palestinian-affiliated gunmen whom she, and the reader, find utterly charming. One of them speaks English with an odd tick: He throws “use to” in front of all verbs, giving his speech a strange poignancy at all times. At one point, he’s indicating where a certain landmark — I want to say a Holiday Inn, but my memory could be failing me (and maybe it wasn’t even in the book but in the movie, but good luck finding that; Netflix doesn’t even have it) — back before the city’s devastation, back when it was the Paris of the Mideast. Let’s say it was a Holiday Inn, in which case he would have said, “Holiday Inn — use to was…”

That line kept running through my head when I went home to Bennettsville Saturday for the funeral of “Teenie” Parks — my grandmother’s best friend, who lived next door to my grandparents and then my young uncle (only six years older than I) as he raised his family there, with Teenie taking the place for his kids of my grandmother, who died in 1969. There are people in B’ville who would ask Teenie how I was related to her, even though I wasn’t. We were all that close. Her husband Frank, who died in 1984, had grown up in the house that my grandparents lived in during my childhood and my uncle still lives in today. Then they sold the house to my grandfather and moved next door. From then on it was like one household; we walked in and out of each others’ houses as though the doors weren’t there. We were, as I said, that close.

The funeral was at Thomas Memorial Baptist Church, where I was baptized long before I became Catholic. It’s the scene of an incident for which I’m still remembered by some of the older folks in town — far more than for anything else, really. While at the visitation various folks made a point of saying what I hear so often, that “We miss you so much from the newspaper,” a couple of my relatives made a point of mentioning The Incident, and admonishing me not to repeat it.

(Here’s what happened: It was 1957, and I was four years old. Our preacher then, Mr. Thomas, was not the most accomplished homilist. He tended to drone and lose his train of thought. He was reciting a list of some sort in which towns in the Pee Dee were ranked. It went something like this: “Cheraw was first, Dillon second. Um, Marion was third. And Bennettsville was… it was… um… Bennettsville was, um…” I couldn’t take it. I shouted out, as loud as I could, “FOURTH!!!” The congregation, which had been as tense as I was, erupted into laughter, drowning out Mr. Thomas as he murmured “fourth.” I had not known I was going to do it; it was involuntary. Four, after all, was my favorite number because I was four years old. How could he not think of it? But now that I’d shouted it, the laughter of all those grownups overwhelmed me with embarrassment. I lay my head on my mother’s lap and pretended to be asleep for the rest of the service. Bottom line, to this day, I am known by some as the little boy who yelled “Fourth!”)

After the funeral, driving back through town on Main Street, I pointed out to my wife landmarks that once had been. That’s what put me in mind of the le Carre character. B.B. Sanders’ Esso station, where the proprietor would always lean into the driver’s window, while his employees swarmed over the car to check the oil and the tires and the water and wash the windshield, and ask us, “Y’all want a Co-Cola?” Use to was. Belk’s — use to was. The Bennettsville Department Store — use to was. Penney’s, Miller Thompson pharmacy, the dime stores, Bill Stanton’s daddy’s store, the movie theater, the A&P, the Harris Teeter. All “use to was.” The buildings are all still there, and most look fine from the outside. But they aren’t what they were. And there is almost no one walking on the once-busy sidewalks.

This morning, I almost got a parking ticket because lobbyist Jay Hicks sat across from me as I was about to get up from breakfast, and I stayed, and we started talking about a number of things. Eventually, we got onto the state of South Carolina’s small towns, especially the ones well off the Interstates. He spoke of Bamberg, and I mentioned to him how impressed I was the one time I visited Allendale — all those abandoned motels along 301, which died when the Interstates opened.

We talked about whether there was any hope for turning around South Carolina’s small towns, whether Nikki Haley (who hales from Bamberg) or Camden’s Vincent Sheheen is elected. We reached no conclusions.

And I spoke of visiting Bennettsville over the weekend. I didn’t mention the “use to was” part, because it would have taken too long to explain.

We have the best blood! (Or at least the best Red Cross)

2 Replies

Congratulations to our local Red Cross blood services. I just saw this release:

South Carolina Blood Services Region of the American Red Cross Ranked #1 in the Nation

Columbia, S.C.— The South Carolina Blood Services Region of the American Red Cross has been named the top performing region in the national Red Cross system. The South Carolina Region is one of 36 Red Cross Blood Services regions in the United States.

American Red Cross Blood Services regions across the country provide blood and blood products to more than 3,000 hospitals, making the Red Cross the largest single blood provider in the United States. The South Carolina Blood Services Region serves 54 hospitals in South Carolina and parts of Georgia.

The South Carolina Region was rated for high performance in areas including growth of red blood cell donations and distribution to hospitals, quality control, cost effectiveness and hospital satisfaction.

“We’re proud to be named the Red Cross Region of the Year,” said Delisa English, chief executive officer of the South Carolina Blood Services Region. “This accomplishment is only made possible by the tremendous support of our staff, volunteers, blood donors and blood drive sponsors who work hard each day to ensure blood products are available for patients in the South Carolina Region and across the nation.”

Every two seconds, someone in the United States needs blood. The American Red Cross South Carolina Blood Services Region must have 500 people give blood and platelets each weekday to meet hospital demand. Accident victims as well as patients with cancer, sickle cell disease, blood disorders and other illnesses receive lifesaving transfusions every day. There is no substitute for blood and volunteer donors are the only source.

How to Donate Blood

Simply call 1-800-RED CROSS (1-800-733-2767) or visit redcrossblood.org to make an appointment or for more information. All blood types are needed to ensure a reliable supply for patients. Blood can be safely donated every 56 days. Most healthy people age 17 and older, or 16 with parental consent, who weigh at least 110 pounds, are eligible to donate blood and platelets. Donors who are 18 and younger must also meet specific height and weight requirements.

About the American Red Cross

Governed by volunteers and supported by giving individuals and communities, the American Red Cross is the single largest supplier of blood products to hospitals throughout the United States. While local hospital needs are always met first, the Red Cross also helps ensure no patient goes without blood no matter where or when they need it. In addition to providing nearly half of the nation’s blood supply, the Red Cross provides relief to victims of disaster, trains millions in lifesaving skills, serves as a communication link between U.S. military members and their families, and assists victims of international disasters or conflicts.

# # #

First we have the national champion baseball team; now this.

Personally, I’m going to claim a measure of credit for this. No doubt the blood that I have given has contributed mightily, if only in terms of sheer quality of the blood collected here.

We still aren’t collecting enough of it, though, so get on down there and roll up a sleeve…