Category Archives: Midlands

Clowning around with health care

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Maybe you can help me out with something. I was driving down Sunset Blvd. in West Columbia this morning, and sorta kinda saw something for a fraction of a second, and I’m not sure I know what I saw. If you saw it, maybe you can clear this up.

I was driving past Joe Wilson’s office, and as I whiffed by, happened to glance at a clump of three people (at least I think there were three) loitering on the sidewalk at the corner.  One was sitting on a bicycle. I don’t remember what the second person was doing. The third was holding up a sign that said “Stop Clowning around with our Health Care.” I think. We’re talking split-second here, and I turned away before any of it registered on my mind.

The person holding the sign was wearing a blue outfit with white designs on it from neck to toe. It may have been a clown outfit, but I’m infering that from the sign. He or she may also have been wearing clown makeup, but I have no idea at all about that, because his/her face was blocked by the sign during that tenth of a second or whatever it was.

As I drove on, a number of questions occurred to me:

  • Did I read the sign right?
  • Was the person dressed as a clown? Possibly not. The power of suggestion from what I think the sign said overwhelmed what other information was available to me.
  • Were the other people involved in the demonstration, or just curious passersby?
  • Was this person working for Joe Wilson, and saying President Obama was “clowning” with our health care? (If so, hasn’t Joe called enough attention to himself?)
  • Was this person protesting that Joe Wilson was the one “clowning around with our health care?” (I’ve noticed that one of the favorite epithets hurled at Joe from leftist bloggers is “ass clown,” for some reason) If so, he or she was going to a lot of trouble to send a confused message. You’d have to stop and talk to find out, which not many are in a position to do at that stretch of road at that time.

I was in a hurry to get downtown just then, but I went back that way later to check. No one there. No clown. No guy on a bike. No third person who barely registered. All gone. Must have been a drive-time thing. Or my imagination. I wonder what I saw, and what it was supposed to mean?

Anyway, right after I saw them, as those questions were going through my mind, I reached a stretch where orange roadwork cones were jamming the traffic into one lane. I found myself behind a big white pickup truck. It had a bumper sticker on it with a message that there was no mistaking:

OBAMA

SUCKS

Such is the state of political discourse these days in the 2nd District…

Is Columbia’s impasse over the homeless at (or at least near) an end?

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Does this mean what I think it means — that after Columbia city council has resisted and undermined every effort by other community leaders to meaningfully address the city’s homelessness problem, we may finally be on our way to a comprehensive solution?

Columbia is getting out of the homeless services business, laying off two employees and outsourcing its winter shelter operations to the University of South Carolina for $500,000 a year.

The three-year agreement means the shelter, which city officials promised in 2007 would only be used for two years, will remain open until at least 2012.

USC will not operate the shelter past 2012, opting instead to partner with the Midlands Housing Alliance, a group of business leaders and service providers that plans to build an $11.6 million homeless shelter on Main Street….

Perhaps by surrendering control, the city has accomplished what Congress did with BRAC — given up on something it was politically incapable of handling, and letting someone else make the right decision. This BRACish approach was tried before, and then the council grabbed the issue back with dire results. Maybe it will work this time…

Or am I reading this wrong?

Shop Tart may have the answer

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No, not the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything. Anyway, we know the answer to that … it’s 42.

But the Shop Tart may have the answer to my dry cleaning question. I’ll have to look into it, although I take stuff to the cleaners more often than once a month, so it might not work for me, based on her math. We’ll see.

Also, I’m not sure I want to look be “fabulous,” or even look that way. I’ll settle for clean and neat. My needs are simple.

Get garage a new clock, Mayor Bob

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Ran into Steve Benjamin at breakfast this morning. He mentioned that he’s resolved to work on his penmanship after this blog shared his notes from a meeting last Friday. He also asked what I’d thought about his presentation. I told him he can’t go wrong with me talking government restructuring, but I wondered how it resonated with the voters. He said he’d been getting pretty good feedback on the overall topic. Not the “strong mayor” part, but the part where he pitches consolidation of Columbia and Richland County.

I found that interesting, but I have a burning new issue for this contest between Steve and Mayor Bob: The clock in the little guardhouse where they take your money on leaving the city parking garage at Assembly and Lady is always wrong — and always wrong in a way that favors the city’s coffers, not the driver leaving the garage.

The regular latecomers (among whom I may be counted; I’m still sort of on newspaper hours) at the place where eat breakfast most days know that when it gets past 9:30, it’s time to finish your coffee and skedaddle. Why? Because the garage, which is free in the early morning, starts charging at 10. And the latecomers tend to be retired and unemployed folk, so we don’t like coughing up that buck. (On the days that I come earlier, I park on the street and leave before 9, because that’s when Lovely Rita starts checking the meters.)

Not that I mind paying the buck occasionally. Gaming the system is one thing, but the service has to be paid for by somebody, right?

What bugs me is that the clock the garage goes by is always set several minutes ahead. I’ve had to pay at 9:57 and 9:58. I grumble, but I pay.

Today, I had a double shock. I got up from reading the paper and drinking coffee at 9:42. I was on the 6th level, so it took awhile to get to my truck and thread it down through all those levels. Then, when I got to the gate, it was down. It was only 9:51.

I asked the lady if the time for closing the gate had changed. She said it had. I asked, “What time is it now?” meaning, What’s the new deadline? She took the question both ways, answering, “It’s 9:55, and the new time is 9:30.” I double-checked: The time on my truck was still 9:51. And my truck is within a few seconds of being perfectly aligned with my Blackberry, which is perfectly synchronized with the U.S. Naval Observatory official time. At least, I think it is. Let me go check…

Oops. Somehow my phone was almost a minute behind. I’ve fixed it now. (I also checked against Zulu Time, and interestingly, the Naval Observatory time seems to be lagging by about a second. Not that I’m going to worry about it. I’m channeling Phileas Fogg enough here today…)

Still. That makes the clock in the garage three minutes fast. There was a time when there was an excuse for this — you couldn’t instantly check to see what the real, official time is. If one clock was faster than the other, you could argue which was right. No more.

I don’t mind the city moving the time to 9:30. Given the city’s fiscal problems, I’d vote to do that. In fact, I wouldn’t object it the city went to charging 24 hours. I don’t know why they don’t do that now, unless it’s just a matter of saving on personnel.

But if the understood time is 9:30, you shouldn’t get charged at 9:27. That’s all I’m saying.

See the unbelievably petty stuff that people who don’t have jobs obsess about?

Notes from the Benjamin campaign

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benjamin-notes

Quite literally…

This morning when I met with Steve Benjamin and Jack Van Loan at The Gourmet Shop, Steve started doodling on his legal pad to illustrate benjamin-notes2the problem with Columbia’s current system of government. As you may be able to better see at right in the low-res action photo from my Blackberry, he drew two boxes. The one on top showed how in the current system, forces push from every direction, and the result is you go nowhere. He was suggesting that with a strong mayor system (the box below), you can focus political energy to move forward.

Then later, he stared illustrating all sorts of other concepts. The list to the right center shows what he thinks a leader needs to do in Columbia. At the bottom is a series of questions elaborating on the building and articulating a vision things.

Anyway, always come to bradwarthen.com for the best stolen documents from political campaigns…

OK, the truth: I asked Steve for the page, and he gave it to me. I like to try all sorts of content on the blog…

But is not being a “yes man” a good thing or a bad thing, job-searchwise?

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Jack Van Loan, continuing to promote Steve Benjamin’s candidacy for mayor of Colatown, is hosting a serious of informal meetings with the candidate and folks Jack hopes will support him, or at least offer constructive feedback.

I was one of the guests for coffee this morning. As I’ve done with Vincent Sheheen and everyone else, I made it clear from the outset that I was just there to collect info, that I have NOT decided whom to support. I like Steve, but I also like Mayor Bob. They said fine, they understood.

Anyway, perhaps because of that statement on my part, but probably also based on knowing me over the years, Jack said something at the end of the meeting that got me to thinking about my own situation. I forget the exact context. I think he was saying he hoped Steve would get support among people who think for themselves. Anyway, here’s what he said:

This guy is the last guy in the world if you want a “yes man.”

He was indicating me when he said it.

I thanked him for the compliment — and coming from my friend Jack, I knew it was a compliment — but then I thought, Is it a good thing for people to think of me that way? Is it good, in particular, for prospective employers to think of me that way?

There’s no doubt that it’s accurate. It’s not that I’m not a team player — I am very much a team player, vigorously so, once I’ve made up my mind to be on the team. But I may take some persuading.

A couple of nights ago, I watched the Jim Carry vehicle “Yes Man” (which by the way was a lot better than I thought it was going to be). The idea was that a very negative guy resolved to start saying “Yes” to life, “Yes” in all circumstances, and it made him more open to life and happier — until it started to catch up with him.

I’m not a negative guy, certainly not the way the Carrey character was. But I do question, and challenge, and need to be persuaded if you want me on board. Once I am on board, I’ll be your fiercest ally. Under certain circumstances, I’m thinking that could be invaluable to the right employer. But do the employers themselves think so?

Today’s job fair: Sweatin’ at the museum

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Today's job fair at the S.C. State Museum. (Don't know whether all these folks are job-seekers; some may just be visiting museum.)

Today's job fair at the S.C. State Museum. (Don't know whether all these folks are job-seekers; some may just be visiting museum.)

Well, the job fair at the State Museum today was a great success, if you measure it by turnout. The place was packed during the noon hour. I had meant to go earlier (it started at 11), but I wanted to swing by the Bauer thing at the State House, so I think I was probably there at the peak.

By the time I got in from the jammed parking lot I was already pretty sweaty, even though I didn’t put on my coat until I was inside. Looks like I’ve got another candidate for the cleaners (sorry, bud, but I don’t know any way to job hunt except in a coat and tie). And for all the sweat, it wasn’t as productive for me. I think the employers at the Fort Jackson one I went to probably came closer to having openings that I might be suited to. Better yet, that one was less crowded, and it was easier to have a normal conversation with the folks at the tables.

This one was a madhouse. I guess some civilians hesitate to go to something on the Fort, but they definitely didn’t hesitate to show for this one.

Not much else to say, except to share my Tweets from while I was there:

This job fair has some of same names as Ft. Jax one: Aflac, Richco sheriff, others. Much bigger turnout…

I’m ruining another jacket milling about sweatily at job fair. A dry cleaner’s dream…about 4 hours ago from web

Toys not as good at this job fair as the last one. All I have so far is an unexciting keyring from Carmax.about 4 hours ago from web

Mary Kay and Avon going head-to-head at the job fair…about 4 hours ago from web

Maybe I’ll come back to job fair later. Can’t have tete-a-tete w/ prospective employer in this madhouse…about 4 hours ago from web

And Tameika would make three

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Am intrigued by the prospect of Tameika Isaac Devine running for mayor:

… and I find myself wondering, what would be the effect?

We were already looking at probably the most closely contested race since Mayor Bob beat Patton Adams two decades ago, with Steve Benjamin bringing a gun to what is usually a knife fight (or maybe a slap fight, at most).

Several times in the story, Ms. Devine suggests that she still likes her ally Mayor Bob. Which causes me to wonder whether a Devine candidacy might actually have the effect of helping Coble, as it would split the anti-incumbent vote — as well as the presumed “black” vote. And could that even be the strategic intent.

There are other considerations as well. Tameika origninally won citywide office at the head of a coalition of unusual suspects, such as Rusty DePass and other conservative business types. So what dynamics would her candidacy introduce?

Whatever happens, Columbia voters are going to have some interesting choices for once. Who knows? Maybe even some of them will turn out for a change.

Goldfinger II: The Golden Death Mask

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I’m not usually one for the whole “news of the weird” shtick, and I leave “Dumb Crook News” to John Boy and Billy. But this is wild enough to pass on, for what it’s worth:

They apparently thought they could hide their identities by spray-painting their faces gold, Richland County sheriff’s deputies said.

But one of two men who targeted the Sprint PCS store on Sparkleberry Lane last month died a short time after the armed robbery — possibly from the paint fumes, deputies said Friday.

Deputies identified the dead robber as Thomas James, 23. His last known address was in Columbia, court records show.

“It’s the damnedest one I’ve ever had in 34 years,” Sheriff Leon Lott told The State on Friday. “We’ve had robbers paint their faces before, but we’ve never had one die as a result of that.”

Didn’t these guys ever see “Goldfinger?” Did they not learn anything? And no, we’re not talking “skin suffocation” here, but still one should have gotten the message, Not a good idea.

The sheriff isn’t sure whether the paint job was intentionally, or incidental as a result of a “huffing” session. I wonder whether the victim of this insanity knew himself which it was. What a waste of life; what insanity.

Becoming a Madman

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As I may have mentioned, I’ve done some freelance work recently for folks in the advertising/public relations world, and most recently somemadman friends at a local agency have been letting me use an empty office at their digs, which is really nice.

Even nicer, they invited me to be their guest at a reception given Wednesday (at least I think it was Wednesday; my days are swimming by so) by the Midlands chapter of the American Advertising Federation at Gallery 701. I saw lots of folks I hadn’t seen in awhile, such as a former editor at The State who was laid off with me and is now doing PR work, and newer acquaintances I’ve been getting to know in my new, still largely unformed incarnation.

Fortunately, there were name tags (all of life should have name tags; I’m terrible with names). And these being creative ad folk, there was a participatory theme to the tags. As you can see, they were imprinted with the words “Join. Belong.,” followed by a blank. I was told to fill in the blank with a verb.

Some chose upbeat messages such as “Enjoy” or “Celebrate.” One went existential with “Be.” I was all business. I have one clear goal and aim that I want everyone to associate with me, so I went with that. Maybe a real Madman would have been more subtle, but not me.

Anyway, as they used to say in my former profession, a good time was had by all, and I appreciate being invited.

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Do you have a dry cleaner you trust?

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Lately, I’ve had a streak of bad luck with my dry cleaning. First, the collar of my good blue blazer got messed up — lost its shape, become all puffed up or something (hard to describe). I took it back, and they kept it for awhile before telling me there was nothing they could do about it.

Then, they shrank the pants of a seersucker suit. Maybe the jacket, too, but definitely the pants. I just had them taken out a year or so ago and they fit perfectly just before I took them to the cleaners. Now the waist is tight, and that pulls the cuffs up toward my ankles.

Both the blazer and the suit are from Lourie’s, and therefore irreplaceable. Not that I have any money for buying new suits anyway.

Now, my OTHER seersucker suit needs cleaning. It was really steamy warm at Bud Ferillo’s house the other night when I was there for the Jim Rex fundraiser (which I still need to blog about, I just realized), and you know, even in seersucker, if it gets hot enough a gentleman will perspire. It was a very Old South experience.

But I’m afraid to take it to my usual cleaners.

Do you have one to recommend, one you really trust?

Steve Benjamin’s announcement

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FYI, here’s the official word I got from Steve Benjamin today:

Dear Friend,

I am running for mayor of Columbia, and I want you to be among the first to know.

In the city elections just eight months away, we will face a clear choice – change or more of the same in Columbia.  As a business leader, a resident of Columbia for over twenty years, and a member of dozens of community boards, I have dedicated my life to bringing about real and dramatic change in my community.  That’s what I intend to do as the next mayor of our state’s capital city. I’ll focus on bringing people together, and, when necessary, blowing past the bureaucracy and holding people accountable.

I hope you will join our campaign to change the way our city does business.

The single most important priority right is creating and attracting jobs. With all that Columbia has to offer, we should be doing better than the rest of the country when it comes to jobs – not trailing behind. And we can’t be content with just creating jobs in one part of the city. Every neighborhood is important and has a role to play, and each neighborhood deserves our attention.

My plan will turn Columbia around by focusing on the basics:

•    Making sure Columbia is open and friendly to business and to create new jobs for the future.
•    Bringing accountability, transparency and fiscal responsibility to City Hall.
•    Cutting wasteful spending and turning our city’s deficit into a balanced budget.
•    Getting our first responders the resources they need.
•    Teaming up with law enforcement to crack down on gang violence and keeping our families and businesses safe from crime.
•    Listening to the needs of every community in our city.

I will be a strong mayor, demanding results and accepting responsibility for what happens in our city.

I invite you to visit us online by clicking here. Be sure to sign up to receive campaign developments and strategy updates. Our full website is in the works and will be unveiled soon.

I look forward to sharing my ideas and vision with you over the coming months, and I welcome your input, your suggestions, your prayers, and your support.

Thank you, and let’s get to work.


Steve Benjamin

For more information, here’s what The State had on Steve’s candidacy today, and here’s the column I wrote on the subject shortly before I left the aforementioned newspaper. I made James Joyce allusions and everything…

Jake on the missing governor

From my files -- Jake Knotts at his endorsement interview in '08.

From my files -- Jake Knotts at his endorsement interview in '08.

Tonight I dropped by a Lexington County GOP confab at Hudson’s BBQ (last time I was there, it was to see Mike Huckabee when he still had a shot at the presidential nomination), and pretty much every member of the county delegation was there except for the two Nikkis (Haley and Setzler).

It was very hot — SO hot that even a seersucker suit was too much, so I went out and left my coat and tie in the car. Then, when it was all over, and the lawmakers had answered constituents’ questions about legislation and such, I went up and asked Jake Knotts about our missing governor.

I asked Jake because, near as I could tell from the reporting at thestate.com, he was the one who raised the hue and cry about the governor running off to who knows where in a SLED car last Thursday — leaving his security detail behind.

The senator said “when he didn’t show up the next day or the day after that, I called Chief Lloyd” at SLED. He said he raised to Reggie Lloyd the idea that it seemed improper for Jake — a former cop — to be driving around in a cop car equipped with blue lights when “he’s not a sworn officer.”

The senator also kept returning to the point that the governor was gone “on a Father’s Day weekend, and his wife says she didn’t know where he was.”

Further, Jake believes the governor was remiss in his constitutional responsibility by not notifying the lieutenant governor of his absence. And unlike the folks in the lt. gov’s office, the senator is completely unsatisfied by the governor’s chief of staff, who is not an elected official, saying he knows where the governor is.

Jake says he and the governor have had their differences — which may count as his understatement of the evening — but the gov had never done anything to concern him to this extent. “I’m really serious about his mental state,” he said, adding that he knew that the governor had had a rough time — with the stimulus battle, with seven years in office “with little to show,” with having gone 0 for 10 on his recent vetoes — and if he “wants to go on a sabbatical, I have no problem with that,” if “he turns the helm over to the lieutenant governor.”

Just FYI, folks, Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer, unlike the governor, is a political ally of Sen. Knotts. He kept praising Andre for not bucking his security (security which the governor believes the lt. gov. shouldn’t have, but that’s another battle he keeps losing). I said something about how I certainly feel better knowing someone other than Andre is driving. That wasn’t exactly the point Jake was trying to make, but he didn’t argue with me about it.

Jake made the point a couple of times that, if only for sake of emergency preparedness and Homeland Security issues, someone official should know where the governor is, which is one reason for him to have SLED agents with him. “The people of South Carolina’s security shouldn’t be jeopardized because the governor doesn’t want security.”

When I asked Jake to give me his updated contact numbers in case I needed to reach him later, he gave me four of them, adding, “And I guarantee you my wife knows where I’m at.”

Summing up the situation, Sen. Knotts said of the missing governor, “He’s suffering from the same thing he suffered from with the Senate — lack of communication.”

The senator added some remarks about how he’d like to see the governor turn things around and be more successful with lawmakers in his last years in office, but expressed doubt that will happen: “He’s done built that fence too high now.”

Anyway, for what it’s worth, that’s what the guy who was apparently the first official to ask, “Where’s the governor?” had to say about it tonight…

Health & Happiness today

As mentioned earlier on Twitter, today it was my turn to do Health & Happiness again at Rotary. For you non-Rotarians, H&H is when somebody gets up and talks about the health and personal news of club members, and tells jokes.

If you’ll recall, last time I did it was the first Monday after my last day at The State, and I led off with:

Did you ever hear the one about the guy who had to do Health and Happiness on the first working day after he got laid off?

And, to use the phrase of Kenny Bania on Seinfeld, on that occasion I killed. In fact, I got a standing ovation — although, truth be told, that was more an expression of support over getting laid off rather than because my material was so good.

Nevertheless, it set a high standard in my mind, so I couldn’t just go out there with some jokes copied from a “clean jokes” Web site (an accepted and time-honored H&H tradition). I needed new, original material. Or at least, new to my audience.

So I recycled some stuff from the last few days on the blog and Twitter. I used the IQ test anecdote for instance. It went over well. No standing O, but lots of plaudits nonetheless.

Anyway, in keeping with my rule of not writing anything without sharing it with as wide an audience as possible, here’s the script I worked from, which I threw together this morning:

Health and Happiness 6/22/09

Remember when our speaker last week asked, “Are you a negative person?” No one replied. So how many of you were like me, repressing the urge to answer, “What’s your POINT?” … [said with an angry, paranoid tone] ARRRGGHH …

Hey, y’all – check out my shiny left thumbnail …

Can’t see it? Well, if you’re nice I’ll show it to you after the meeting.

How many of you have been to Columbiana Mall lately? Well, somebody has, because I had trouble finding a parking space there Saturday … That’s gotta be a good sign for the economy, right? …

Anyway, I was there Father’s Day shopping for my Dad — walking through the Mall, minding my own business, when all of a sudden this pretty girl with an exotic accent grabs hold of my hand and starts buffing my left thumbnail, while giving me a sales pitch about cosmetics from Israel, from the Dead Sea.

I was completely unable to stop her. Men are not equipped to handle such situations. I felt like Barney Fife in that episode when Barbara Eden is doing manicures at Floyd’s Barber Shop. He’s all suspicious at first, saying “Not my trigger finger!” but before she’s done he’s saying Aw, go ahead – do my trigger finger …

But I finally got away. And as I’m walking, I post something on Twitter about it. Before I could leave the mall, I got messages back from two other victims. One was a fellow guy who confessed to buying several products. Another was Sunny Phillips, whom you may know as a Republican fundraiser. She reported, “she just wouldn’t let it go. She tried to stop me again on the way back up the other side 10 minutes later, even calling out for me by name!”

My former colleague Mike Fitts wrote to me, “Yes, they’re ex-Mossad agents (you know, the Israeli secret service) who’ve gone into the Mary Kay business, I’m pretty sure. Three minutes in, I told them where the explosives were hidden.”

Here’s what I’m thinking, as I contemplate my one shiny nail:

If The State had these ladies selling advertising, I’d still have a job!

But I didn’t buy anything, that time… Not that I’m bragging on my sales resistance…

Back to our speaker last week – remember how she talked about how older people fall for those e-mail scams…. You know, “Dear sir, I am the Interior Minister of Nigeria, and I’m trying to give you five million dollars…”

And I knew what y’all were thinking: Those dumb old people, falling for that…

But I wasn’t thinking it – no sir, not after my IQ test…

Have I got time to tell about my IQ test?

You know those quizzes people are always taking on Facebook — like “which ‘Friends’ character are you,” or “what’s your real nationality?” Well, I took one of those one day recently, and as I was taking it, a dialogue box popped up saying that some of my friends — one of them closely related to me — had “challenged” me to take an IQ test.

Well, this hit me in one of my weak spots. One of my few skills is that I’m good at tests. Whether it’s the SAT or a current events quiz or whatever, I tend to score way over what you would think by looking, say, at my high school transcript. I play way over my head. Some people have a natural ear for music; I test well. Just one of those things.

Add to that the fact that I was recently laid off, which makes me additionally vulnerable — all that much more eager to show off, if only to myself. You know, the “I’ve still got it” phenomenon.

So I bit. I went to take the test. And boy, did I do well. The questions were so easy as to arouse one’s suspicions under most circumstances. Sort of on the level of, “answer this correctly and you win a free dance lesson.”

One was how many states are in the U.S., and only one of the multiple-choice answers was anywhere near 50. OK?

But instead of thinking, “Hey, wait a minute — what kind of scam test is this?” I’m going, “Man, I’m really acing this! What kind of IQ do you get with a perfect score?!?”

Then, when I’m done with the test, and I’m all eager to see my score, I get a page that tells me I just need to do one thing before my score will post on Facebook — type in my cell phone number, and tell who my service provider is.

Which … I did.

First of all …

my extremely high IQ score never showed up on Facebook.

Second, I started getting these text messages on my phone. Really stupid, irritating text messages, saying stuff like “Which male celebrity from ‘The Hills’ is dating Paris Hilton?” That’s a direct quote.

I would have protested, except that, you know, I didn’t want to tell anybody how I had let myself in for this.

Anyway, earlier last week the Verizon bill came. And I had been charged $29.97 for 3 “Premium text” messages. Yes, ten bucks apiece. So now I knew what I IQ was: it was 29 point 97.

So I got on the horn to Verizon and got them to block all such messages subsequently, which they agreed to do. Of course, by this time one or two more had come in, which will be on my next bill, no doubt. And there’s nothing I can do about it. Because, you know, I had signed up for them.

When I got off the phone, I reported to my wife that I had taken care of the problem, going forward. All done. All fixed. Don’t worry about it.

She asked, how in the world I came to get such messages?

I said, “How about if we just leave it at, ‘I’ve taken care of the problem,’ and not delve into that?”

But she persisted, and I went on to explain…

and she agreed with me that yes, I had certainly flunked the IQ test.

Imagine there’s no traffic; it’s easy if you try…

Earlier this morning I got into one of those blue-sky conversations with someone else who dreams about a light rail system for the Midlands, and it reminded me of this post from last year, in which I quoted in turn from a column I wrote back in 1998 on the subject:

Imagine: Say it’s a few years from now, and you live in Lexington and work in Columbia. You drive the mile or so to the station and leave your car in a parking lot. You take your seat and ride the old Southern line that parallels Highway 1 into the city. Call it the A line.
Despite all the stops, you get downtown in less time than it takes to drive, while getting ahead on work or (better yet) reading the paper. You change trains at the Vista Center station near the new arena and conference center.
Say you work where I do, near Williams-Brice Stadium (and why wouldn’t you; this is my dream, after all). You take the C line down one of the very tracks that used to frustrate you in your driving days (if you can’t beat the trains, join them). You get off within a block of work.
A few hours later, when you have a lunch appointment in Five Points, you take a quick ride back up to Vista Center, then through the underground stretch beneath the State House complex and the USC campus on the eastern reach of the A line.
Need to shop after work? Take the C all the way out to Columbiana, or the D along Two-Notch to Columbia Mall. (Where does the B line go? Out toward Lake Murray, which means it runs between 378 and the Saluda River, right by my house.)

The amazing thing about that original column is that it was written years before I had the chance to ride on the NYC system, which is the one I love the most, because it is the most extensive I’ve ever been on. The systems in Atlanta and Washington are nice, but the NYC system is such an organic part of the city, with such magical properties — you descend into it, and moments later you emerge into a different world.

In the last few years I’ve gone out of my way several times to go to New York mainly to ride the subways. I like to do other stuff — walk across the Brooklyn Bridge, for instance. But the key to everything I do is the transit system.

This morning, Nathan Ballentine wrote on Twitter that I-26 was “backed up like a parking lot” to Lake Murray Boulevard. How much better to be able to spend that time on a train reading the paper, coming in from Irmo, or the Northeast, or Lexington. And then to get around from Five Points to the Vista to wherever without having to hunt for convenient parking?

It would be wonderful. And it’s worth dreaming about, and enduring the scorn of those who keep saying it will never happen. Imagine there’s no traffic; it’s easy if you try…

Saturday’s top (afternoon) stories

Sorry to be a bit late with this — hey, it’s the weekend. Let’s pretend today that the stories I’m selecting are for the front page of an afternoon paper. I really miss those. Here goes:

National/International

  1. Ahmadinejad Claims Victory — Today’s lede story. The Iranian regime claims it won; the reformist opposition says it cheated. It’s hard to think of a scenario more likely to feed further strife, and there it is.
  2. N. Korea to Weaponize Plutonium — And if we try to stop them, they promise to take military action. This would be a good lede candidate, under the Buzz Merritt principle of “Is my world safe?,” if not for Iran.
  3. Obama to cut $313 Billion in Health Costs — The president says he’ll cut back on hospital reimbursements to pay for expanding coverage.

State/Local

  1. Gorilla escapes — Certainly not a lede story, but high local interest. I’d run it with that picture that was in the paper (but not online, oddly) showing the thin shaft of bamboo that amazingly supported the ape in his escape (bamboo is strong stuff). Plus a file mug of the erstwhile fugitive on the jump page.
  2. Sanford on Fox 46 Times — Note my emphasis. The fact that he used ETV studios for his anti-stimulus national TV appearances (for which ETV was reimbursed) is not as interesting as the fact that he took the time to appear on Fox 46 times in his effort to prevent his state getting this money. 46. That’s four more than the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything.

OK, that’s only five stories, which is about one short for a proper front page. At this point, if I were playing the role I did at the Wichita paper back in the mid-80s, I’d ask the other editors to make suggestions for something to flesh out the page — preferably something local, something that fits in the interesting take-note-of category (like the Sanford story).

Oh, wait, I just remembered this is a p.m. paper. That means I’d have access to this breaking story today: Morning Fire Closes Bi-Lo — Not big enough to be worth the front by tomorrow morning, but it adds that local immediacy for which afternoon papers were once celebrated, and which I miss.

Don’t EVER hire city manager

Adam Beam, Twittering on Columbia budget, reports, “Mayor Bob Coble: We will not hire a city manager in next year’s budget.”

Here’s an idea: Don’t ever hire one. Let Charles Austin be the last. Use this opportunity to switch NOW to a strong-mayor form of government. Go from things being run by an unelected official with seven bosses to having one, ELECTED official running the city, and accountable to all of its voters.

There’ll never be a better time than now.

Adam also reports, “No picnic for Columbia employees next year to save taxpayers $10k.”

I say, let ’em have their picnic. But give ’em a boss who answers directly to the voters.

So should I do the “Hitler” gig, or what?

My agent is out of town at the moment, so I thought I’d ask y’all what I should do with this offer that came in the mail:

This September, Workshop Theatre will present its opening show of the season, the hilarious musical by Mel Brooks, “The Producers”…

… At the end of the first act, there are auditions for the individual who will play Hitler. We thought it would be fun to invite well-known members of the community to make cameo appearances during the run of the show as individuals auditioning for that part. It is not necessary that you be able to sing or even carry a tune.

We invite you to have your fifteen minutes [maybe five?] of fame on Workshop Theatre’s stage by making an appearance in “The Producers.”

It’s tempting, especially since I saw that video that Burl shared, which I feel gave me new insight into the character of der Führer. But I can sort of hear my agent’s voice saying, “Mark my words: Do it, and you’ll be typecast.”

But I’m leaning toward taking it. Directors aren’t exactly beating down my door, and so far, my calendar’s pretty open in September and October.

Hey, folks, can’t you talk about this on a BLOG?

Y’all know how dismissive I was about Facebook a few months ago. Still am, to a great extent. It just seems like a lousy way to communicate, compared to blogs. I mean, I’m ADD enough without constantly being interrupted by the face that someone I knew 30 years ago is going to the supermarket today, or some such. And Twitter is worse, in this regard.

But now I see that Facebook is capable of fostering sustained thought, and serious discussion. This is a revelation to me. But I find myself wondering: Why not just have this discussion on a blog? After all, that’s where it started, with this item by Adam Beam on The State‘s “Metro Desk” blog:

For $250, you can be Charles Austin’s friend

The Columbia Urban League is hosting a retirement tribute for former Columbia City Manager Charles Austin June 15 at the Columbia Metropolitan Convention Center.

The Urban League is sending out letters to community leaders, asking them to join the “Sponsorship” category with a $1,000 donation. The money gets you a nod in the program and eight reserved seats. Donors of at least $250 become “Friends of Charles Austin” and get two tickets.

The money, according to the letter, will support youth leadership programs at the Columbia Urban League.

Austin served as Columbia’s police chief for more than a decade before becoming Columbia’s City Manager in 2003. He retired in January after one of the worst budgeting crisis in the city’s history. He will remain on the city’s payroll as a consultant through June 30.

That fostered a Facebook discussion of admirable depth and seriousness, with none of the pointless digressions that you find too often in the blogosphere. Maybe it’s the nature of the Facebook community, being based however losely on the concept of “friends” rather than random strangers. I don’t know. In fact, I don’t even know if y’all can go read it unless you’re “friends” with these particular people. I suppose I could copy the whole discussion here, but it’s really long.

Here’s a sample, from our own Kathryn Braun Fenner, that illustrates how this discussion dealt with some pretty sensitive topics with both frankness and civility:

I have already come perilously close to being seen as racist, if not having crossed that line, when I have suggested in the past that some of the black community’s emperors have no clothes. Perhaps it would be better heard from someone with darker skin.

I believe the way to progress as a multi-racial society is to move toward colorblindness–judging on the content of character, etc., and that cuts both ways. I support some affirmative action, but only insofar as it does not “Peter Principle” unqualified people into places where they merely reinforce truly racist perceptions. [See, e.g., Charles Austin]

The mostly white power elite know what the deal is–they are paying “tribute” fees to the black power elite. Nelson Mullins wants to show off that it is a Platinum level sponsor while Parker Poe only ponied up Gold level, ergo, Nelson Mullins is the friend of the black man (!). Like I said, there are some talented African-Americans who have achieved a great deal against not insignificant odds, like some of us in this discussion, who are never feted in these events. Then there are the usual suspects.

Harrumph.

Other participants include Kevin Alexander Gray, Bob Amundson, Rhett Anders, Debbie McDaniel, Dan Cook, You, Iris W. Olulenu, Aiyetoro Laura Olulenu, Ernest Wiggins and Catherine Fleming Bruce.

Mind you, I’m not endorsing all the opinions expressed in the discussion. It’s dismissively harsh toward my friends with Columbia Urban League (I was on the board for 10 years). And once or twice it’s too harsh toward Charles Austin, who is a really good guy, but a terrible city manager. But his honor is quite eloquently defended, also — without blinking at his failures running the city. On that point, here’s Kathryn again:

Whoa–what do you mean Charlie doesn’t have any honor left?!?!?

He didn’t steal. He didn’t lie. He didn’t commit any crimes or ethical violations. He just was too nice to fire incompetent people, and didn’t know what he was doing. He tried to “live” his faith, and found that you can’t run, or at least he couldn’t run, a city like a Sunday School. I think that’s plenty honorable.

…and how exactly are we going to hold “folks accountable at the ballot box”? I’m not going to vote for Joe Azar over Bob Coble. Steve Benjamin has payday lender issues and hasn’t formally announced yet. Who’s running against Sam, and is it right to kick him out? Tameika is up, too–is she responsible? Who’s running against her–someone better?

Charlie was accountable and he resigned. Pretty honorable all told. Not perfect, could have done it sooner, should have done it sooner, but he did ultimately do the right thing. He’s essentially getting severance, which is dubious under current conditions especially, but not unwarranted under the circumstances of his long, and for the most part, excellent service. He basically deserved and got an honorable discharge. Being promoted beyond your competence and doing your best, honestly, and failing, is not in any way dishonorable!

He didn’t even torture anybody!

So it’s a good discussion all around.

And what I want to know is, why didn’t this discussion happen on a blog?