Category Archives: Total trivia

Ahmadinejad and libertarian think-tanker: Separated at birth?

Combo

As I was quickly glancing at some mail before tossing it, my eye fell upon a mug shot of Joseph L. Bast, president of The Heartland Institute. Trying to place the face, I looked up a mug of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

In light of my heightened interest in all things having to do with twins these days, I couldn’t help wondering:

Separated at Birth?

Just think — if Mahmoud had come up in a tie-wearing culture, he’d be telling us not to worry about depending on petrodictators for our energy. Hey, wait a minute…

Top Five movies adapted from TV (original cast)

This is a category that kept popping into my head back when I was doing this post and this one. With "Sex and the City" fans all atwitter about their gal pals being back, I thought first, "would a Sopranos reunion on the big screen be a good thing?" I decided not, as a large part of its appeal was its serial, episodic nature, day-in, day-out, life goes on (except for those who are whacked).

But this raises the question, "Can any TV series yield a movie worth the price of the popcorn (which, when you think about it, is a pretty high standard)?"

And the answer is yes — just look at "Serenity." So I compiled this list. Admittedly, it’s a pretty restrictive list, and doesn’t contain any movies that would make even a Top 100 list from among films in general. And I’m not allowing movies inspired by TV series, but with a different cast — a la "The Untouchables," or "The Addams Family." So the list is what it is. And what it is is an excuse to urge you to see "Serenity" if you haven’t. The rest is just a nod to the Top Five art form, in keeping with the Nick Hornby standard:

  • "Serenity" — I saw this without having ever seen "Firefly," upon which it is based, which means I was like most people in the known ‘verse. "Firefly," probably the best sci-fi series ever, lasted less than a season. I now own the whole catalog on DVD, including several episodes never aired. How to describe it? Basically, it’s a classic western translated to outer space (in the vein of the "Outland" remake of "High Noon," only wittier), complete with the residual tension of the Civil War thrown in. The protagonists are a motley ship’s company built around a captain and exec who were Browncoats (rebels) back in the war. Their side lost to the Alliance, which rules all the core planets in the settled universe, and their ship (a Firefly-class relic named "Serenity," after the pivotal battle in which the Browncoats lost the war) bounces around the frontier fringe planets (where Alliance authority is shaky), making an iffy living off of smuggling and other shady enterprises. There are all sorts of cool little side notes in this future world, including the fact that their Old West diction is laced with Chinese-derived profanity — when they’re not resorting to such everyday epithets as "gorram," and "ruttin’". The characters are a lot of fun, especially Jayne the mercenary, and Kaylee the mechanic. And the best news of all is that you can see and enjoy "Serenity" without ever having seen the series, and it gives nothing away. But after you see the movie, you’ll want to see the series. Oh, one more thing — the Browncoats are essentially libertarians who just want the authoritarian Alliance to leave them alone. But I enjoyed it anyway. It was shiny.
  • "The Simpsons Movie" — It lived up to the standard set by the series, which is all you can ask.
  • "The Blues Brothers" — This one’s kind of obvious, to the point that I’m almost embarrassed to include it. Everybody picks this one.
  • "The Naked Gun" — A fitting translation of "Police Squad," it is what it is (just to thoroughly overwork a phrase).
  • "Batman (1966)"  — Give me a break on this, too. I was 12 years old, and it was everything I expected.

As you can see, a very restrictive category. I would have included "Wayne’s World," but I wasn’t going to allow more than one SNL spinoff (and as long as I’m being absurdly pedantic, I probably shouldn’t have included either of them, since a skit is not a series). "Star Trek" fans would probably have included one or more of those films, but I was never really into that ‘verse.

Hey, does Juan pick coffee in the woods?

Speaking of the Lieberman-Warner Act — and if you recall, we were doing that earlier, if only peripherallyNrdclogo_2
— I got a release today from the NRDC supporting said Energy Partyesque legislation. But before I could dig into all the highly persuasive arguments, I got distracted by the NRDC logo. Before I had focused on it properly, my brain went, "Hey, isn’t that Juan Valdez?"

But it wasn’t. It was just a logo that suggests the "mountain-grown" logo to the extent that it causes the casual observer to do a double-take. And once the observer does look more closely, he sees that instead of Juan Valdez in front of some Colombian mountains, it’s actually a bear in front of some trees. Which, just to impose a digression on a digression, would seem to create less-than-savory associations regarding bears and what they do in the woods, but I’m sure the NRDC knows what it’s doing.

LogoMeanwhile, I inadvertently discovered that apparently Juan Valdez is no longer associated with a certain big-name
American grocery-store coffee brand, but has branched out. So good luck to Juan with his new business, especially as it does not conflict with my own (that’s a digression to the third power, for those keeping score).

Now and Zen

Yesterday, my wife and I went on a walk with one of our daughters on the Cayce segment of the Riverwalk. As we were heading back toward our car, we heard the Giant Zipper sound of a very large tree starting to fall, accelerating as it tore down through surrounding vegetation, then landing with a muffled Crump!

Curious to see the source, we started back up the trail roughly in the direction of the sound (the foliage was too dense for the direct approach), but we met a man coming from that direction, and he reckoned that the tree was about 100 yards from the path, well out of sight. So we gave up and left.

When led us to an epiphany, one which I must remember to mention to my friend Hal French over at USC:

If a tree makes a sound in the forest but no one sees it, did it really fall?

When you know the answer to that, Grasshopper, it will be time for you to leave the blog…

Low-def license plates

What do y’all think of those flat, fakey, counterfeit-looking S.C. license plates — not that I’m trying to influence your decision or anything.

The first few times I saw one, I thought, "Wait a minute…" and went out of my way to pass the cars bearing them, so as to look at them from the side and confirm the fact that the things are completely two-dimensional, and do indeed look like something somebody ran off on a $29.95 inkjet printer — you know, one of those they sell you because the replacement cartridges cost more than the machine itself.

Out of sheer self-respect, a convict might ask the parole board NOT to release him if he thought people out on the street might think he had anything to do with producing anything so sorry-looking.

Or maybe I’m overreacting. What do you think?

Obama answers Hillary’s shot with a PBR

Obama1

Barack Obama, not to be outdone on the regular-guy front by Hillary’s boilermakers, strode decisively into a Raleigh bar tonight and ordered a Pabst Blue Ribbon.

As a result, he won the North Carolina primary. That is, you can’t prove that’s not why he won. If only he’d mastered the intricacies of Yuengling while there was still time in PA…

He also demonstrated that he could hold his brew by resisting a pitch from a perky saleswoman who wanted to sell him new kitchen countertops for the White House. Really.

Unfortunately, while the candidate was catching up on his drinking, his rival went and stole the Indiana primary — apparently. Obama, apparently feeling mellow, conceded that contest to her before it was even over.

So the madness continues.

Tomorrow, his campaign plans to work on his bowling. Once he cracks 100, they’ll teach him to bowl and drink beer at the same time, and then he’ll be unstoppable…

Obama2

Talk about your cheap thrills…

Robert and I were just brainstorming about his cartoon for tomorrow, and we were looking for parallel phrases, different ways of describing the same thing — specifically, the pandering proposal by John McCain (and now Hillary Clinton) to lift the federal gasoline tax for the summer.

One way of saying it was "Cheap tricks," and we were looking for another, and for some reason my brain kept going "Cheap tricks and other delights." I knew this wasn’t right, but it seemed like it was close to some phrase I half-remembered from the ’60s, and I was having a hard time coming up with the precise wording, which is unusual for me. I kept thinking, "Big Brother and the Holding Company," but I knew I didn’t have it right. So I went to Google to try to figure out the correct wording for what I was thinking of.

Turns out I not only had the "cheap tricks" part wrong, I was confusing it with another, very different, album.

Of course, the Big Brother et al. album was "Cheap Thrills," with the classic R. Crumb cover. But I kept searching the illustration for the other part, the "cheap thrills and…" But there was no "and."

So I searched again, for "and other delights." Of course. Herb Alpert. Since I was in junior high at the time, this cover was burned pretty deeply into my subconscious. In fact, now that I realize it’s that cover, I realize that the image is all tied up in my mind with the image of the "Take it off; take it all off" Noxzema girl (see video below).

But it’s kind of weird that I couldn’t conjure it up correctly without looking it up.

The Final Countdown: Millionth page view likely coming up Friday

Folks, for what it’s worth, and whatever it means, this blog will most likely have its millionth page view sometime tomorrow. That’s Friday, May 2, 2008.

Or Saturday at the latest.

I won’t be exactly sure when we’ve hit the mark. I’ve got two counters going — the one you see in the upper right hand corner of your screen (at 997,549 as I type this), and the internal dashboard one in TypePad (at 996,986). The one you see is consistently running about 500 or 600 page views ahead of the internal one. I don’t know whether to believe either of them, of course.

Still haven’t decided how to celebrate. I won’t be able to tell who the millionth visitor is, but maybe I’ll award some arbitrary prize to the first person who leaves a comment after the first counter ticks over, or after both of them have, or something.

One thing I DO know is that the big moment is likely to come when I’m too busy to notice it, Fridays being my worst days of the week.

Anyway, I’m still open to celebration suggestions…

Aunt Joy’s Cakes

Here’s another excellent example of the places you can go when you combine an attention deficit problem with the magic of hypertext links.

I was reading the comments on this post, and decided to answer some points Peter brought up. In particular, I took issue with this assertion:

From the problems at Corrections, Health and Human Services, Commerce
and others, the blame ALWAYS stays at the agency and never seems to
rise to the governor….

In part, I said:

As for Corrections, please tell me what problems you think there are
that stem from the administrative side. The problem with Corrections is
deep, profound, fundamental, and lies with the Legislature. It is this:
That our lawmakers embrace locking people up when it is unnecessary,
and refuse to fund Corrections sufficiently to imprison that many
people effectively and safely, much less do anything in the way of
rehabilitation.

It’s an enormous waste of money to lock up nonviolent offenders,
people who pose no physical threat to the citizenry. In their own
perverse way, lawmakers agree with this equation. So they lock them up
anyway (because of some atavistic urge they have to do so), and just
don’t appropriate the money. The results are predictable.

Or were you suggesting there is something wrong with what Ozmint and
Sanford have done with the situation handed them? Personally, I don’t
see any failings on their parts that pose even a measurable fraction of
the systemic problem our laws create. (Ozmint’s greatest sin is
refusing to criticize the underlying situation more forcefully and on
the record, although he has recently begun to crawl out of that shell.) Here’s a column I wrote about that problem , back in 2005. Things have not changed since then…

There’s more, but I won’t bore you further, but will move on to the fun, ADD stuff.

Looking for links to support my assertions without having to go into even greater detail (yes, my comment was, unfortunately, much, much longer than that — as was Peter’s let me hasten to add), I ran across this old post.

I found myself rather frustrated in reading the comments on that one, because … well, for the usual reason that I get frustrated. I had simply noted that something Jon Ozmint had said was like something the Captain had said in "Cool Hand Luke." I thought that was cool in and of itself. For me the connection is the thing. It releases dopamine in my brain or whatever.

But to some of my correspondents, to whom everything has to be this big black-vs.-white argument, preferably of the ideological variety, my pointing that out was some kind of huge, bleeding-heart whine for the poor criminals or something. Such people ascribe to me an affinity for relevance that I don’t possess.

So, to prove to them that it WAS like what the Captain said (yes, we’re talking Strother Martin here), I went looking for the appropriate clip, and here it is. Now this next part is not my fault, because the YouTube page suggested it under "Related videos." It’s the scene in which the girl whom Dragline dubs "Lucille" washes the car. I had to go ahead and look at it for research purposes.

And then I got to wondering about the um, actress who portrayed "Lucille" with such compelling force. Turns out her name was "Joy Harmon," and she also portrayed a 30-foot-tall woman in "Village of the Giants," which is not to be confused with the 50-foot-woman Maureen Dowd recently referred to.

Now here’s the icing, as it were. Turns out that Wikipedia refers to Joy Patricia Harmon as "a baker and former American actress." It also says she wore a bikini in the famous "Cool Hand Luke" scene, which we know she did NOT do, but then everybody says Wikipedia gets things wrong. (Come on, safety pin — Pop!)

A baker?, you’re thinking. Exactly. So I had to read a little further, and I discovered that after she retired from washing cars and being abnormally tall, Ms. Harmon started a business in beautiful downtown Burbank, and it’s called "Aunt Joy’s Cakes." Really. She started the business because "The demand for her delicious treats became too great for her to do alone in her kitchen." (You hush now; Dragline doesn’t want you talking that way about his Lucille.)

So now you know. And now you see how pointless it is to argue against government restructuring.

And I get this pooge WHY exactly?

Most people get a lot of e-mail that they delete immediately, and I am surely no exception. In fact, I get so much that I have several accounts, as a way of sorting and triaging — a published one for the world (which I get to as soon as I can, and race through as quickly as possible, which involves a LOT of instantaneous deletion), an internal one for gotta-know-this-to-get-the-paper-out-today-type business, a couple of private ones (one of them for e-bills, which I do my best to ignore) and so forth.

But sometimes I pause with my finger over the "delete" key, just long enough to think "Why did I get this?" Some of the messages in this category are cool. For instance, I’ve somehow gotten on a lot of e-mail lists for commercial artists and photographers, which I forward to my daughter who’s majoring in graphic arts. Still don’t know why I get them, though.

Then there’s the stuff that’s kind of work-related, but I still don’t know how I got on the list. For instance, this one today (from a source I get messages from daily):

***MEDIA ADVISORY***
RNC Chairman Mike Duncan to Speak at Fayette County Republican Party Reagan Day Dinner

WASHINGTON – Republican National Committee (RNC) Chairman Robert M. “Mike” Duncan will deliver the keynote address to the Fayette County Republican Party Reagan Day Dinner.  The dinner will be held on April 26 at 6:00 p.m. in the Griffin Gate Marriott’s Paddock Tent to benefit the Republican Party of Fayette County.  Details are available on the party’s website: www.fayettegop.com.

WHO:                RNC Chairman Mike Duncan
WHAT:              2008 Fayette County Republican Party Reagan Day Dinner
WHEN:              Saturday, April 26, 2008 6:00 p.m. EDT

And all the way down, I’m thinking, Fayette County where? What state is this even in? Only at the very end to I get my answer:

WHERE:            Griffin Gate Marriott
                         Paddock Tent
                         1800 Newtown Pike
                         Lexington, KY 40511

Admittedly this comes from the Republican NATIONAL Committee, so I can see why I’m on their list. But what kind of doofus sends out a release nationally that doesn’t tell editors in the 49 other states that there is no way that they will EVER be interested in this. I mean, you know, I’m assuming that the purpose is that you would want editors to pay SOME attention to your releases at some point in the future, right? If not, why send out the damn’ things?

Yeah, I know, y’all don’t care about this. And even for me, it’s just one of a hundred or so petty irritations that I’ll endure today in my never-ending quest to inform and entertain thousands of Kansans. I mean, South Carolinians.

Dayhawks

Today’s column may seem a little weird, even by my standards. But it could have been weirder. I did, after all, resist the temptation to make this my second paragraph:

It was just like Edward Hopper’s "Nighthawks." Except that it was in the daytime, and there was just one customer instead of three, and it was in a small town rather than an urban setting, and the counterman was a woman. Other than those things, it was just like "Nighthawks."

…not to be confused, of course, with the Gottfried Helnwein version.

Just two shopping days left until Husband Appreciation Day

Get ready, ladies; the big day is coming up Saturday!
Husband
I was reminded of the advent of Husband Appreciation Day — actually, informed of it for the first time ever
— by this promotional e-mail from a Fort Mill photographer named Stephen Hollis (and Stephen, if you don’t want me sharing the photo at right, I’ll take it down, but I figured you wanted folks to see it).

This is a real holiday, ladies! At least, I can find numerous references to it on the Web, as being the third Saturday (of course; what other day could it be?) in April. I’ve been unable to find out the origin of it so far, though. (Apparently, it dates back at least to 2003.)

The picture offers some lovely gift ideas for you ladies to consider, but don’t be limited by it. There are plenty of other possibilities (many of which are way better than a lousy blog post about us). Surprise us.

How clueless is Brad? Check his brackets

Brackets

Y
es, it’s that time of year when I truly do what so many of you think I do every day — offer my assessment about something that I know nothing about. In this case, the NCAA basketball tournament. Here’s last year’s effort. Above is an actual, undoctored photograph of the one I completed earlier today. (To keep me honest, you might want to print this one out, if you’re really that suspicious.)

I assure you that, once again, I’ve gotten through an entire season without watching, or checking the paper for the results of, a single game. No, wait — after hearing how excited my in-laws in Memphis were about a game between U. of Memphis and Tennessee, I did check the next morning to see how it came out. But I don’t remember which one won. I’m thinking it was UT, but then how did Memphis get seeded so high if that’s so? Whatever.

And no, I’m not going to go look up the answer, which would spoil the purity of my system for making predictions. I generally give the advantage to three kinds of teams:

  1. Schools that I or someone in my family have been associated with at some time or other (Like Fred Thompson, I’m a Memphis State grad, from the days when it was called Memphis State.)
  2. Catholic schools, or schools with Catholic-sounding names (I don’t know about St. Mary’s, but any school named for the Mother of God has to be good for at least one round, don’t you think?)
  3. Schools that were roundball powerhouses back when I was in college, as near as I can remember.

Oh, and I have one other rule — all things being roughly equal, bet on Duke. I did that for several rounds this year, getting them into the Final Four, but didn’t take them all the way.

Anyway, you’ll see that this year, I gave the most emphasis to Rule 1. Only time will tell if I was right.

Did the Chicken Curse stop Obama?

Why didn’t Barack Obama put it away last night? Well, you can look to all sorts of causes — he had been too far behind in Ohio and Texas to do more than almost catch Hillary Clinton; some of her criticism of his supposed lack of experience had had an effect in recent days; he was on a streak of unfavorable news that outweighed his streak of wins, etc.

But here’s an alternative theory: On the very day of the vote, the chairwoman of the S.C. Democratic Party endorsed him. Here’s what Carol Fowler said in a release from the campaign:

    “South Carolina Democrats have told me repeatedly that their greatest concern is that we nominate a candidate who can win in November, and who will help us build the Democratic Party across our state.  I have observed the presidential campaigns for more than a year, and there is no doubt in my mind that the Obama campaign has what it takes to bring us a Democratic president.  Senator Obama and his team have already made significant organizational contributions to the SC Democratic Party, and I expect their good work to continue through the fall campaign and into his administration.
    “Senator Obama has proven, through a lifetime of advocating for middle class families and workers, his unique ability to create change that matters in the lives of Americans.   He has proven his ability to win in the so-called "red states" like this one, and has brought countless new voters into the process.  The people of South Carolina chose change by a decisive margin on January 26th, and I’m proud to stand with voters across the country who have backed Barack Obama to win in November and to lead our country in a new direction.”

Maybe the Democrats in Ohio, unlike the Democrats in S.C., didn’t care to "nominate a candidate who can win in November." Or maybe, just maybe, it was… dare we say it … the Chicken Curse? Did a gratuitous, out-of-nowhere, five-weeks-plus-after-the-fact endorsement from a party chair from the home of the Gamecocks just have way too much bad mojo riding on it for Obama or anyone else to overcome?

The Curse has, of course, been more or less proven to have effects beyond the football field upon people or endeavors with incidental Gamecock connections — including in the realm of presidential politics. Most experts point with great confidence to the moment when Gary Hart’s chances turned to dust — it was when he decided to engage in monkey business with a former USC cheerleader.

There are those — strict constructionists, I suppose you might call them — who maintain that the curse is limited in its scope, that the cursed must have a brush with someone who has had direct contact with USC athletics, or (and these would be your hyperfundamentalists) just with the football program.

But these things are little understood by science. I think there’s more to it. If the effects can extend beyond athletics, might not the cause as well? Maybe you can get it just from association with anyone who has ever taught at USC, or driven through the campus. Or bet on a cockfight — and in South Carolina, that broadens the field considerably.

In any case, it’s not to be fooled with.

How are Mark Sanford and Ed Koch connected?

No, the governor doesn’t go around the State House asking, "How’m I doing?"

This is a factoid — actually, a couple of factoids — I picked up today, apropos of nothing in particular. It seems that Bill Rauch, the mayor of Beaufort, is married to the governor’s sister.

Bill Rauch retired to Beaufort after serving as press secretary to former New York City Mayor Ed Koch, Rudy Giuliani’s predecessor.

Maybe all of y’all knew this, but I didn’t. I just love meaningless stuff like this. Even though neither of them is originally from here, that is SO South Carolina — everybody related to everybody.

No word yet on how any of the above might be connected to Kevin Bacon.

bud, do you STILL think Hillary is Mary Ann?

Total trivia from blogs past, but it has at least symbolic meaning. Never mind why I was looking at such an old post (another one of those things where TypePad told me it was getting fresh hits, and I couldn’t figure why), but in skimming through the comments on "W is Gilligan; Al is Mr. Howell," I ran across bud’s proposed "Gilligan’s Island" cast:

Gilligan – George W. Bush
Skipper – Dick Cheney (or Karl Rove)
Mr. Howell – George H. W. Bush (or John Kerry)
Mrs. Howell – Barbara Bush (or Teresa Kerry)
Ginger – Condi Rice
Mary Anne – Hillary Clinton
Professor – Al Gore

Most of those are pretty much on-point (as long as we think of a Brian Dennehy sort of dark, menacing Skipper, rather than the Alan Hale version), except for the two unattached females on the island. Condi as Ginger? I don’t think so. Condi’s more of a female version of the Professor.

But the one that still gets me the most is Hillary as sweet, unassuming little Mary Ann? I’m just not seeing that.

bud, or anyone — care to update that cast?

‘… on the day of the California primary.’

    This blog post takes place between 11 a.m. and noon on the day of the California primary.

Is anyone besides me flashing on that intro (OK, so I paraphrased) from every episode in the first season of "24" today? Probably not. It’s probably just because I only saw that season recently. Not being a tube watcher, I had never seen it until I rented it a couple of months back.

Of course, I’m not going to bring it up without some editorial observations:

  • I was really disappointed by "24." I had heard for years that the series was high-quality stuff, but there was nothing special about it in my book. Its central conceit — that everything takes place in real time — is undercut by packing an entire conventional TV action-genre episode worth of extreme action into each hour. Come on. A guy doesn’t run out and have a physically exhausting shootout running around through a bunch of warehouses, in which his best friend is killed, while the hero is slightly wounded while simultaneously carrying on an extremely nerve-wracking, frustrating attempt to track down his endangered wife and daughter on his cell phone — and then do it all over again the next hour, and then again 22 more times, without a moment’s rest. It’s so absurd that you cease to think of these as real people pretty quickly, and just morbid fascination keeps you watching. A true-to-life, high-quality series that showed real time would have hours of relative tedium in which the plot isn’t advanced at all, but character would be revealed in ways that would keep you interested. You might even have the hero catch a couple of hours of snooze time while things went on elsewhere.
  • Before long, I got really, REALLY irritated with Jack’s wife and daughter for seeming to go out of their way to make stupid decisions that placed them in completely unnecessarily dangerous positions. (Eventually, I just started fast-forwarding through those parts, which had no point other that to step up the viewer’s anxiety without advancing the main action.)
  • I felt positively violated by the completely cheesy, completely unnecessary horrible thing that happened at the very end of the last episode of that season.
  • Speaking of manipulation: How about the way one episode goes to great lengths to show you that a certain character, despite suspicions you may have had, is really decent and even noble — then, in order to surprise and shock you thoroughly, that person turns out to be the embodiment of evil later on. We’re not talking the shades of gray that make a character real. We’re talking about wild, extreme, completely inexcusable swings from cartoon good to cartoon evil, just to shock you, the viewer.
  • But it wasn’t bad enough to keep me from watching the second season, which went a lot faster since I was fast-forwarding through the parts with the daughter (even though she was portrayed by Elisha Cuthbert; being cute didn’t make her character any smarter).
  • That second season contained the most absurd compression of highly complex plot developments yet seen. Within an hour (OK, within two), Jack is pulled out of seedy inactivity back to active duty; cleans up and shaves; is called in to interrogate a guy, shoots him, cuts his head off; takes the head in a bag to another guy to get into that guy’s good graces; locates, gains the trust of and completely infiltrates a terror cell, and heads out with that cell to commit an act of terror on his own headquarters… Come on, people — in real life, he MIGHT have been able to accomplish the cleaning up and shaving part, but probably wouldn’t have been able to get through L.A. traffic to the office. And infiltrating the terror cell, even though he had previous contacts with it? A year, if he was lucky. Maybe if you see these things a week apart from each other it helps with suspending disbelief. But one after another as a way of turning off the brain on a weekend? Forget about it.
  • This is the scary part. Dennis Haysbert was SO good as a presidential candidate — WAY more presidential than either Ronald Reagan or Fred Thompson, to mention other actors who played or tried to play the part — that it was spooky. Without telling us a thing about his background or positions, he came across as a guy who would actually win the California primary and then the presidency, with none of this uncertainty we face today. A Nixon-in-68 type campaign of total control of media access to the candidate, having him speak only rehearsed lines, could put a guy with that kind of presence into the White House. My only consolation is that nowadays it’s hard to imagine controlling access to a candidate to that extent.
  • Oh yeah, one more thing: Jack’s in trouble over torture (and cuttin’ guys’ heads off and stuff) and the series is supposedly being revamped as a result. OK, whatever. If the series had been more credible, I’d take that more seriously. Who, besides Tom Tancredo, actually sees Jack Bauer as being for real?
  • Oh, and did you know that "24" is now, like, totally committed to fighting climate change? I am not making this up.

Now you see why I blog. I just barely scratched the surface of things I wanted to say about a TV series that I don’t really think is all that interesting. Imagine what I could write about "House." Or "The Sopranos." My advice: Don’t get me started.

But can Ah-nold whup Chuck?

Ahnold

N
ow that the GOP nomination has come down to a simple, pedestrian question of whether Mitt Romney canMccain_2008_arnoldwart
spend enough on California TV ads to raise his chance of getting the nomination above snowball-in-hell status (I picture Ritchie Rich just shoveling the cash out of his swimming-pool full — or am I thinking of Scrooge McDuck?), all true, plainspoken, vicariously macho men find themselves wondering the following:

  • Maybe Mike Huckabee’s an also-ran in the pantywaist, artificial world of politics, but in nature, red in tooth and claw, couldn’t Chuck Norris whup Ah-nold without breaking much of a sweat?
  • Why has Jerry "The King" Lawler remained silent, letting Ric Flair hog all the glory?
  • If Gary Cooper were alive, and took on the whole lot of ’em, all by his lonesome (which you know he would if it came right down to it), would he prevail?
  • Is it just me or does Rudy Giuliani, who took on all Five Families and just missed getting whacked by a single vote on the Commission, actually look happier now that he’s given up? And what does that mean for America future, when a quitter is happier than a scrapper? Could Gary Cooper ever have been happy if he’d quit? I don’t reckon so.

Huckabee_2008_norris_wart

Happy Elvis Day!

Jelly_donut

C
hris Roberts no longer works for this newspaper, but every year on this day, that former colleague somehow gets through the crack security of our isolated campus, and the motion detectors protecting my sanctum sanctorum itself, and leaves a jelly donut on my desk.

So it is that I never forget Elvis Presley’s birthday — which, as I’m sure you know, is today.

Yes, folks, it’s time to take a breather from our earthly striving and try to get in touch with our essential Elvisness.