This one will really get me into trouble, but the trouble won’t start until tomorrow, because for once, I’m not outnumbered by females at my house. I’m home alone at the moment, with one of my sons coming over later. My wife and daughters are all out of the state — one’s even out of the country — so here goes…
The other night I was at this black-tie affair at which Darla Moore was being honored, which is only right, because she’s done quite a bit for her home state in recent years. Anyway, when it was her turn to speak, she made a big deal about being a woman — even though I would have known she was a woman right off, without her calling attention to the fact — and that she was among the few ever inducted into the Business Hall of Fame who was not a white guy.
Which is true. OK, fine. Then she kept going on about it, telling an anecdote about a previous inductee — it seems that somebody writing about over a century ago praised her for founding the indigo industry in our state in these terms: "Indigo proved more really beneficial to Carolina than the mines of Mexico or Peru were to Spain." That was fine, but then he made the mistake of adding, "was a result of an experiment by a mere girl."
Darla really teed off on that, allowing as how if she had been around when he wrote that, he’d have regretted it. She kept repeating it, packing maximum irony into "mere girl" each time she said it. The ladies in the audience seemed to like this, while the men tolerated it the way we always do when ladies go on like this. We’re used to it.
Here’s the thing: Darla Moore was there because of what she’s done, not because she was a woman. Eliza Lucas Pinckney would also have been there for what she did. From a man’s perspective — and that’s the only one from which I know how to write — it seems to take away from the accomplishment to go on and on about gender. Like you’re a token or something, when you definitely are not. Tokens don’t found agricultural empires, or give their alma maters $25 million at a pop.
One other thing: Eliza Lucas Pinckney was born in 1722, and moved to South Carolina in about 1738. Her experiments with indigo took place "in the late 1730s." So she was what — between 15 and 18? To me, that’s a mere girl. And the fact that she was a mere girl, and her mama had died and her father had had to run off and leave her there almost as soon as they moved to the plantation (he’s the one who sent her the indigo seeds, from way off in Antigua where he was serving in the British army), make her achievement all the more impressive.
I say all this not to put down Darla Moore. I’m just saying I don’t think I’ll ever understand the impulse from which such comments arise.
Oh, I can explain them intellectually. I can give the very same explanation most women would give about such things: It’s a man’s world, a woman has to work harder to gain acceptance, she has to overcome expectations and gender roles, etc.
But I still don’t get it. It seems that once you’ve overcome such obstacles, long ago, and you’ve more than made it in this world, such things would lose their power, and it wouldn’t occur to you any more to bring them up. The fact that she — and so many other powerful women — do bring them up, and often, just seems odd to me. Does it seem that way to other guys?
I think it’s kind of a woman thing, like enjoying "click flicks" or something. And I don’t think it arises from the ostensible causes. I think it arises from the differences in the way women perceive and interact with the world, as a result of physiological difference — no, not those physiological differences, I’m talking about differences in the brain.
I think it’s easier to see that with a related phenomenon — the way successful women are always turning and helping out younger women coming behind them, and the younger women sort of seem to expect that, and it’s a big social thing with lunches and mentoring sessions and seminars and so forth and so on. Nobody in the white-collar world makes anything of this, it’s just so common and all very out in the open and expected. And it’s very much a female thing.
Yes, I realize that the feminist explanation is that guys — white guys, at least — never needed such support system, and that’s why it all seems a little odd, and even unseemly, to us that anyone would be reaching around them trying to boost up people like them instead of just people in general. We’ve been indoctrinated to know that we’re not supposed to do that, and besides we don’t need to do that, yadda-yadda.
But I suspect that while such causes are present, there’s something deeper, something inherent, going on. It’s the same thing about how when boys play games, it’s all about rules and keeping score and competing, while girls tend to emphasize the social aspect, and want it to be about everybody having a good time and getting along. I’ve read about this, and I’ve seen it in real life. Guys tend to go out for a sport because they like it or think they’re good at it (or because they think girls might see them doing it). Girls — my daughters anyway — tend to only go out for teams that their friends are going out for. It’s frustrating to see a girl with ability quit a team because her friend quit a team, and it’s very hard for me to imagine doing that. But on a when it’s happened, after a debate or two I’ve just had to swallow and accept that.
And note that the reason it’s frustrating is that I want the girls to do well; my raising this issue isn’t some anti-female thing; it’s just an I-don’t-get-it thing.
I’ve probably made enough trouble now. I’ll move on …