Category Archives: Pooge

That’ll show ’em!

Sombrero

I
t’s not enough for some hard-liners that the immigration bill was defeated in the U.S. Senate last week. In some parts of the country, retaliation is the order of the day.

To get even with Mexico for having a lousy economy and forcing all its poor to stream across our border, the Oregon legislature has decided to start sending our politicians down there.

That should stop the flow of illegal aliens quicker than any old wall. Anyway, here’s the Associated Press caption to the picture:

Oregon Senate President Peter Courtney is joined by his wife, Margie, on the Senate floor in Salem, Ore., Thursday, June 28, 2007, after receiving a gift trip to Mexico from fellow Senators as the legislature works to wind up this year’s session.

This might be more devastatingly effective than the time we sent the Marines down to Montezuma’s place.

Ravenel problem taken care of

Well, we can rest easy now. Never mind that it’s more than disconcerting for the guy responsible for signing all state checks to be indicted on drug charges. It’s all taken care of.

No, I’m not talking about Ken Wingate being named as a sort of interim interim treasurer. That’s all very well and good on the part of the governor, but over in the Senate they’re talking about attacking the real problem.

It has come to my attention that Sen. Harvey Peeler has proposed a bill to require that all candidates for constitutional office be drug-tested.

The Senate can’t bring itself, after all these years and the last two indictments of such politicians, to face the fact that such purely ministerial officials as, say, the agriculture commissioner should not be elected to begin with, but hired — with all the resumes and interviews and reference-checking that process requires.

No, we won’t let the elected chief executive run the executive branch, but by golly, we’re gonna check and see if these jokers are puttin’ anything up their noses. Yessirree Bob.

Official Horse Sense, or “Dude! Where’s My Marsh Tacky?”

Do you remember the Marsh Tacky? If you don’t that’s understandable, because according to House Bill 3825, it "is an almost forgotten breed of horse in our State," despite their having played "a unique and pivotal role in the history of our State."

That may sound as though they came up with the idea to fire on Fort Sumter or something, but apparently all they used to do is run around wild on Hilton Head — a role now taken by transplanted Yankee condo owners.

Reps. Limehouse and Ceips proposed to do something about that by creating a registry to keep track of the feral critters, charging a fee to all Marsh Tacky owners to cover the cost of the service.

This was a sort of second-best approach for them. Last year their bill that would have made the Marsh Tacky the Official State Horse was sent to committee and forgotten, much like the poor Marsh Tacky itself.

You may not realize the full tragedy of this, but to the best of my knowledge, this leaves South Carolina without a state horse of any kind! This of course, is a great inconvenience to our State Cowboys.

But while that bill died ignominiously, the registry proposal actually got to the House Floor.

Unfortunately, Rep. Ken Kennedy sullied the bill with an amendment declaring that "The mule is designated as the official work animal of the State of South Carolina," and that caused this crucial legislation was defeated in the House. Bill’s like that just can’t reproduce, you know.

I apologize for having been so busy with DOT reform and cigarette taxes and the budget and the Confederate flag and presidential candidates coming through, that I failed to take the time to inform you about this crucial legislation before it was TOO LATE.

But here’s a full report now:

H. 3825

STATUS INFORMATION

General Bill
Sponsors: Reps. Limehouse and Ceips
Document Path: l:\council\bills\bbm\9926ssp07.doc

Introduced in the House on March 29, 2007
Last Amended on May 17, 2007
Rejected by the House on May 17, 2007

Summary: Marsh Tacky horse

A BILL

TO AMEND THE CODE OF LAWS OF SOUTH CAROLINA, 1976, BY ADDING SECTION 47-9-60 <http://www.scstatehouse.net/code/t47c009.htm#47-9-60> SO AS TO REQUIRE THE ASSESSMENT OF A FEE BY THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE FOR AN OWNER OF A MARSH TACKY HORSE TO REGISTER HIS HORSE WITH THE DEPARTMENT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PRESERVING AND TRACKING MARSH TACKYS IN THE STATE, TO REQUIRE THE FEES COLLECTED TO BE USED TO OFFSET THE DEPARTMENT’S COSTS OF MAINTAINING A REGISTRY, AND TO REQUIRE THE UNUSED PORTION OF THE FEES TO BE REMITTED TO THE GENERAL FUND OF THE STATE.

Be it enacted by the General Assembly of the State of South Carolina:

SECTION    1.    Article 1, Chapter 9, Title 47 of the 1976 Code is amended by adding:

"Section 47-9-60 <http://www.scstatehouse.net/code/t47c009.htm#47-9-60>.    (A)    The General Assembly finds:

(1)    The Marsh Tacky is a horse with a unique history in South Carolina.

(2)    The Marsh Tacky is an almost forgotten breed of horse in our State. Once existing in feral herds on the barrier islands and mainland of South Carolina’s Lowcountry, they have played a unique and pivotal role in the history of our State.

(3)    Modern development of this State’s barrier islands slowly forced the Marsh Tacky’s removal from these islands where their breed had lived for more than three hundred years. Once existing by the hundreds on Hilton Head Island during the 1940’s and 1950’s, they are virtually unknown to the present day inhabitants.

(4)    The pure Marsh Tacky now exist only in small numbers, and presently, there is only one known herd being carefully preserved in our State.

(5)    A registry should be maintained by the State of the Marsh Tackys in South Carolina to help preserve and track these historically significant breed of horses.

(B)    An owner of a Marsh Tacky may register the horse with the Department of Agriculture for the purpose of preserving and tracking the Marsh Tacky located in the State. The Department of Agriculture shall maintain the registry and record the name and address of the owner, the location of the horse, and any other relevant information about the horse, including any historical information available.

(C)    The department shall assess a fee of ten dollars for each horse registered with the department. The fees collected must be used to offset the costs to the department of maintaining the registry and any unused fees must be remitted to the general fund of the State."

SECTION    2.    This act takes effect upon approval by the Governor.

—————————————————————–

BUT The Ways and Means Committee wanted none of that. It decided instead to create a new designation. So it proposed to strike the original bill and replace it with this:

/SECTION   1.   Article 1, Chapter 9, Title 47 of the 1976 Code is amended by adding:

"Section 47-9-60.   (A)   The General Assembly finds:

(1)   The Marsh Tacky is a horse with a unique history in South Carolina.

(2)   The Marsh Tacky is an almost forgotten breed of horse in our State. Once existing in feral herds on the barrier islands and mainland of South Carolina’s Lowcountry, they have played a unique and pivotal role in the history of our State.

(3)   Modern development of this State’s barrier islands slowly forced the Marsh Tacky’s removal from these islands where their breed had lived for more than three hundred years. Once existing by the hundreds on Hilton Head Island during the 1940’s and 1950’s, they are virtually unknown to the present day inhabitants.

(4)   The pure Marsh Tacky now exist only in small numbers, and presently, there is only one known herd being carefully preserved in our State.

(B)   The Marsh Tacky is designated as the official South Carolina Heritage horse."
SECTION   2.   This act takes effect upon approval by the Governor./

Rep. LIMEHOUSE explained the amendment.

The amendment was then adopted by a division vote of 18 to 14.

—————————————————————–
Then Rep. Ken Kennedy proposed this additional amendment:

Rep. KENNEDY proposed the following Amendment No. 2 (Doc Name COUNCIL\MS\7332AHB07), which was adopted:
Amend the bill, as and if amended, by adding an appropriately numbered SECTION to read:
/ "Section 1-1-710.   The mule is designated as the official work animal of the State of South Carolina." /
Renumber sections to conform.
Amend title to conform.

Rep. KENNEDY explained the amendment.

The amendment was then adopted by a division vote of 51 to 19.

———————————————————-

Then, as you can see below, all hell broke loose:

Pursuant to Rule 7.7 the Yeas and Nays were taken resulting as follows:

Yeas 29; Nays 52

Those who voted in the affirmative are:

Alexander              Anderson               Barfield
Battle                 Brady                  Branham
Brantley               Ceips                  Chalk
Clemmons               Davenport              Gambrell
Harvin                 Hodges                 Hosey
Howard                 Jefferson              Kennedy
Kirsh                  Knight                 Limehouse
Lowe                   Rutherford             Scarborough
Sellers                W. D. Smith            Stavrinakis
White                  Williams

Total–29

Those who voted in the negative are:

Agnew                  Allen                  Anthony
Bannister              Bedingfield            Bowen
R. Brown               Cato                   Chellis
Cobb-Hunter            Coleman                Cotty
Dantzler               Delleney               Duncan
Frye                   Funderburk             Govan
Haley                  Hamilton               Hart
Haskins                Hiott                  Huggins
Lucas                  Mahaffey               McLeod
Moss                   Mulvaney               J. H. Neal
Ott                    Parks                  Perry
E. H. Pitts            M. A. Pitts            Sandifer
Shoopman               Skelton                D. C. Smith
F. N. Smith            G. M. Smith            G. R. Smith
J. R. Smith            Spires                 Stewart
Talley                 Taylor                 Thompson
Toole                  Umphlett               Walker
Weeks

Total–52

So, the Bill, as amended, was rejected.

Oh Dennis, you Menace!

A colleague shared with me today a photograph that provides the answer to two long-burning questions:Mrskucinich

Q1. Does Dennis Kucinich ever smile?
Q2. Why does he keep running for president when he doesn’t have a chance?

The answers are as follows:

A1. Yes. That’s his wife, Elizabeth, age … well, all I could find is that she was 31 years younger than he.
A2. It’s a great way to meet babes.

How do other candidates stack up on this critical issue? Well, Chris Dodd brags constantly about his young wife — that is, he brags about his young children, which for an old goat like him amounts to the same thing. But to his credit, he doesn’t give her her own picture page on his Web site (unless I missed it).

Both ladies, however, were briefly on display Thursday night — the backs of their heads, anyway. (Nice hair, huh? Hubba-hubba.):

Youngwives

That is SO last decade, senator

The McCain campaign sent me a fund-soliciting e-mail pushing "John McCain Mousepads:"

We are asking that you join us today by making a generous contribution
of whatever you canMouse_announcement_large
afford. With your contribution of $75 or more, we
will send you one of the official John McCain 2008 mouse pads below as
a special thank you. If you are not able to give $75 at this time,
please select the additional contribution options below. Thank you for
your support!

My question is, in a time when even the hand-me-down mouses I get to use here at work on my Windows 98 desktop are optical meeses, who on Earth still uses mouse pads.

Some have tried to make an issue of Sen. McCain’s age. This doesn’t help. It’s like he said, "Let’s put out something high-tech, that shows we’re ‘with it,’" but you know how grandpa always embarrasses himself when he does that.

What’s next, Walkmen? How about a $1,000 buggy whip?

Anyway, if you actually do want any McCain stuff, the coffee mug is much more reasonable, at $15.

A Chicago Idyll

Chicago

T
he Plan was for me to be back in South Carolina Sunday night. It didn’t work out because of a little time-travel anomaly: My flight out of Pennsylvania last night got delayed, and delayed again, until it wasn’t even leaving until AFTER my connecting flight at Dulles would leave.

So I stayed over a night, and ended up going to Chicago (cue overdub, w/voice reading Sandburg poem). Which means I got to play this game:

Mike Fitts answers his phone; I say, "Hey, could I speak to Mr. Rooney? This is Ferris Bueller. I’m sitting in a bar in Chicago watching the Cubs’ season opener." Which was true. Unfortunately, when I told him the score was nothing to nothing, he failed to say, "Who’s winning?" so that I could say, "The Bears." Other than that, it was perfect.

Since MIke’s a Cubs fan, it pleased me to tell him that so far, they were having a perfect season. OfDa_bar
course, it was the first inning. Before there were three outs, the Reds would score two, prompting the crusty guy next to me (I think he was some kind of cousin to Slats Grobnik) to laugh and say, "The Cubs not being behind only lasted about five minutes."

A few minutes later, I left to go check on my flight, saying I hoped the rest of the season goes better. The Grobnik guy laughed again and said, "Thanks, but I don’t really care." He was more interested in insisting to the barmaid that since this was Monday, it was supposed to be bean soup for lunch, not lentil. She said she ran out of beans. So he said he’d take the lentil, with less levity than he employed in accepting the fate of the Cubbies.

At that moment, I was supposed to be in Augusta at the Masters practice round. I had never been before, and was only going this time because my brother-in-law from Memphis couldn’t use his tickets. But thank to the airline, I missed that. So I got what enjoyment I could out of my little unplanned Ferris moment.

All of this helped me appreciate the editorial I read in the Trib I had just bought — coincidentally on a fateful day. Meanwhile, guess what else is up for sale in the City of Big Shoulders?

Warthen denies he will run

Amid speculation, editor might consider No. 2 spot on UnParty ticket

By JOE DOAKES
jpdoakes@yahoo.com
    EPE Brad Warthen says he’s not running for president in 2008.
    That’s the official line.
    But nearly every week there’s another sign that Warthen might be running for something.Stupification

    The Midlands Unpartisan calls speculation that he’s planning a bid for the GOP nomination in 2008 “stupid.”
    That, he said, is “stupider even than the idea that Mark Sanford is a viable candidate for president. I mean, what have I done to brag about? What has he done to brag about? Fuhgeddaboudit,” Warthen added in what could only have been a naked attempt to generate interest in his campaign in the New York area.
    “I mean, what is it with this constant speculation that governors and editorial page editors are worth talking about for the White House? I heard it about Campbell, Hodges and Beasley. I’m serious. It was just as ridiculous each time. I wrote a column knocking down the idea of Campbell running way back when, and he was twice as viable as Sanford.”
    As for considering the vice presidential slot on a ticket of any party, Warthen said “I’m completely open to it, as I understand the vice president doesn’t actually have to do anything.
    “Of course, that makes Sanford a lock for the No. 2 position if he wants it. Nobody can touch his qualifications in that regard.”
    Therefore, Warthen said he would probably stay out of consideration if the S.C. governor expresses strong interest. Nevertheless, he encouraged his supporters, wherever they are, to form an exploration committee.
    Specifically, “I’d like them to explore how much the job pays,” Warthen said. “If I can’t be paid for doing nothing, why bother?”
    Warthen said a lot of other things, but all of it was as stupid as the original rumor, so we’re not wasting any more space on it.

Too late — but here’s my bracket

Brackets_warthen

W
ell, I missed the deadline for getting in my bracket — both to the McCain site and the, uh, less licit arrangement in which I was asked to join — by a few minutes. I have no excuse. I was busy working, which is, of course, no excuse.

But I went ahead and filled it out anyway, so that you can see, once again, how lousy I am at prognostication.

Oh, and if you’re worried that I’m cheating even the slightest bit, I can assure you without fear of any credible contradiction that there is no possibility of that. I haven’t the slightest idea how the first games are going, or even which ones are the first ones. I just raced through the form, looking at the names and the seeds, and writing down winners.

If you doubt me, you don’t understand the extent to which I do not follow sports. I’ll tune in to the league playoffs and World Series as long as the Braves are in the running, and I will pay some attention to the NCAA IF I have filled out a bracket and IF my teams are still in it — which I won’t even investigate until the first games have been played.

I could have turned my bracket in tomorrow to the ool-pay, and nobody’s money would have been in danger. Unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of pull with the local mob.

Beware, schmeeware — I’m going!

A kind, thoughtful, oh-so-lovely colleague down in the newsroom just sent out this notice:

Between 10 a.m. and noon, Starbucks is giving away free cups of coffee (no fancy mocha lattes, just coffee).

http://www.starbucks.com/ourcoffees/coffee_break.asp?cookie%5Ftest=1

Enjoy!

I’m betting this is how Brutus and the rest enticed Caesar to head downtown in spite of all the warnings about the Ides of March: "Stuff it, Artemidorus! I’m going for some free House Blend, and if I stop at the Senate afterwards, no big deal."

Beer and WHAT?!?

Cleaning up my desk, I run into the March 7 edition of the print version of politico.com, and there’s a story about the beverage preferences between Democrats and Republicans, as observed by Washington bartenders.

The findings are fairly pedestrian, mostly:

    "A Democrat’s drink? I think of a gin and tonic or a martini," said Matt Saperstone, a server at Smith & Wollensky on 19th Street, adding that an older, more conservative male crowd orders scotch on the rocks.
    "I think Republicans have a tendency to drink more high-end stuff. … I think of Democrats as more beer drinking," said Matt Weiss, owner of Lounge 201 on Capitol Hill.
    Wine, meanwhile, has bipartisan appeal, Saperstone said. "Republicans drink just as much wine as Democrats."
    The effects, however, are totally bipartisan: "At the end of the night, they’re both inebriated," said Weiss.

I have no doubt. I certainly hope they’re numb before they try the favorite concoction of Sen. Jon Tester of Montana. He orders a Bud Lite, and then asks:Jon_tester1

    "Can you throw some tomato juice in there for me?" he asks the waitress, who, as it happens, works days for Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho).
    The uninitiated at the table learn that the beer/veggie concoction is called "Red Beer" in Tester territory.
    Remember the first time you had a beer, he asks, and how horrible it tasted?
    "If you put tomato juice in it, you woulda liked it right out of the chute," he says, and you just kind of get what "right out of the chute" means.

(Actually, in the print version, "chute" was misspelled "shoot," which shows what you get when you have a publication started by reporters rather than editors. Looks like they’ve got an editor on the Web version.)

Thank the Lord I wasn’t born as a Montana Democrat.

What about around here? I don’t get out to the watering holes much. I’m still at work during "Happy Hour." But what have y’all observed as the favorite drinks of the respective factions?

Footnote: Does the Web site for Lounge 201 remind you a lot of the poster art for "Swingers?" It does me. I’ll bet folks who hoist a glass there think they are SO money

Talk about your “March Madness”

We know where John McCain stands on the war, on abortion, yadda-yadda, but can he pick a winner? More to the point, can you do any better?

Gamecock fans may not have a dog — or chicken — in this fight, but they can test their roundball wisdomMccaingrimace
against that of the guy who’s been sewing up all the GOP establishment support in our state.

I got a release about brackets from the McCain campaign today. I had ignored the annual solicitation to kick in half a sawbuck on a pool, but this tempts me. I know even less about college basketball than some of my critics think I know about public policy, but can my boy John do better?

If you want to join in, you’ll have to get up some info to his campaign so it can pepper you with e-mails — yes, Virginia, this is about the crass business of building a mailing list, so keep your hand on your wallet — but I sort of want to know what the McCainiacs are sending out to supporters anyway. Win-win for me. How about you?

Preferably not with a hollow-point!

Here’s a press release I missed while I was out of town Friday, which one of my colleagues nominates for the coveted Worst Metaphor Award. It occurs to me that you, not being a sworn-in, credentialed member of the Establishment press, might have missed it, too:

FOR IMMEDIATE
RELEASE

March 9, 2007

Wilson: Handgun Ruling
is
"Shot in the Arm"

WASHINGTON –
Congressman Joe Wilson (SC-02), longtime member of the National Rifle
Association, today applauded the ruling by a federal appeals court striking down
the District of
Columbia’s handgun
ban:

"Today’s decision by the DC Court of Appeals is a shot
in the arm for Second Amendment advocates.  For too long DC residents have
been denied the fundamental right to protect themselves and their
families. 

"This is truly a victory for law-abiding, gun-owning
citizens."

 ###

Predictions? What? You think this is a game?

As I so piously state, time and time again, for me it’s not about who will win an election, but about who should win, and we’re just trying to foster constructive conversations about the choices, yadda, yadda, blah, blah.

I mean it; I really do. But there are those who take it all less seriously, and insist upon trivializing the whole process to the level of a reality TV show or some such by making predictions about outcomes. As if anybody could know. And eventually, they wear me down and I make my own prognostications.
This time I’m going to do it a little earlier, since I was gigged by this e-mail today:

Time to put your
guesses to paper (or electronic paper anyway) and eternal scrutiny in guessing
the outcome of the upcoming elections…. In each
case please give the winner’s name. For governor only please also give a
percentage of the vote the winner will receive. Let’s play the feud!

1. Governor (and
percentage of the vote):
2. Lieutenant
governor
3.
Treasurer
4. Education
superintendent
5. Comptroller
general
6. Secretary of
state
7. Adjutant
general
8. Agriculture
commissioner
 
Tie
breakers:
1. The final
breakdown of the U.S. House of Representatives: (e.g. 220 Ds, 215
Rs)

2. The final
breakdown of the U.S. Senate (e.g. 50 Ds, 49 Rs, 1 Ind)

OK, so here are mine:

1. Sanford (57 percent)
2. Bauer
3. Patterson
4. Floyd
5. Theodore
6. Hammond
7. Spears
8. Weathers
Needless to say, I hope I’m wrong on the first four.

The two tie-breaker questions seem ridiculous to me. The number of variables make them as unpredictable as the shifting of the desert sands; I can’t tell you what the dunes will look like in the end. But here goes:

1. 222 Ds, 213 Rs
2. 49 Ds, 50 Rs, and my man Joe!

What do y’all think? I won’t be surprised — or embarrassed — if y’all all do better than I. This is not my thing.

Put Your Strasse in Your Tasse

Sorry about the bad use of German, but I’m not as good as Emile at slogans. I got this internal e-mail from a fellow employee at The State today:

Guys —
    I apologize for the global, but if you need some inexpensive Christmas gifts, my daughter’s school (collective groan) is selling Columbia’s Iron Brew Coffee, which was voted by Food and Wine magazine as the #7 roaster in the country, and the #1 roaster in South Carolina.
    The price is $8.50 for a 12-ounce bag of ground coffee — due at time of order. Plain or a variety of flavors, including French vanilla, holiday spice and Southern pecan. I need to turn in the order by Nov. 13.
     No more emails, I promise. Just drop by my desk if you’re interested.

Anyway, it made me think of Emile’s campaign (and congrats to Emile, by the way, for getting the Charleston paper’s endorsement), and I tried to think of how he might promote drinking local coffee — or at least, locally marketed coffee. I realize it’s not quite the same, but I found myself reaching for inspiration anyway.

I didn’t arrive. "Put your (blank) in your cup?" "…your mug? … your demitasse?

Hey, forgive me for the digression, but any message that’s headlined "Need some coffee?" grabs my attention and won’t let go.

Workin’ on my Memphis blues

Signs2
I
was sitting in a tiny coffee house on the corner of Poplar and Perkins Extended in Memphis when the drugs failed to kick in.

Second cup, no buzz yet, although my leg is jiggling a bit. This High Point Coffee just doesn’t have something that Starbucks has. (As Mike Myers would say in a thick brogue, "an addictive chemical that makes you crrrave it fortnightly," or in my case, daily.)

But the shop itself has something Starbucks does not have — free broadband wireless. Nice little joint. Friendly. I’ve been here three times, and I’ve seen one of the guys who was in here earlier all three times. In fact, I’ve heard him tell people at nearby tables about his recent trip to Jekyll Island three times as well. That’s OK; I’ve tuned him out after the first time — when he answered someone who asked whether that was in the Outer Banks by saying, "well, maybe, I think I heard somebody refer to it as that," at which point I had to butt in and tell them where the Outer Banks were.

Second time, I got into a discussion with a guy named Roosevelt who works at FedEx (you know, like Tom Hanks in "Castaway;" Hollywood thinks everybody in Memphis works for ol’ Fred), vacations at Myrtle Beach, and is orginally from Cherry Point. We talked about our kids and college. He is also a blues musician on the side (the other thing Hollywood thinks everybody in Memphis does, and not without cause). He promised to visit the blog, so if you’re there, Hi. Don’t forget to leave a comment.

It’s been very, very hot here all week, although we did get a slight break last night. I think it touched three digits the one day I played golf. We had a good time, even though I just barely stayed in two digits, so never mind the score. I’ve got my racket, but no tennis. Living in Columbia, I sort of snorted when I got here and they complained about how hot it’s been. I’m not snorting now.

Speaking of hot, the local and state primaries were Thursday, and … I just caught one of those phrases that puts me off track; some girl over at another table just said, …"that’s 2 a.m. in Ireland…" Sometimes life, for those of us with ADD, is like one of those avant-garde recordings such as Revolution No. 9, with snatches of conversation coming from God knows where that make no sense out of context. I looked up to see who was speaking, and there are these two similar-looking girls (from this angle, anyway — sisters, perhaps) over against the window. Walking past them, outside, inexplicably walking the wrong way up the drive-through lane, is a beautiful young woman with short black hair, wearing shades, looks like a model, turning right to look directly at me, although I know all she sees is the bright-sun reflection of Poplar Avenue. She’s just there for a second when she disappears around the corner. Approaching the door is a largish guy in a Nirvana T-shirt, curly, thinning hair freshly slept-in at 2 p.m., carrying a stack of pamphlets or newsletters. He dutifully deposits them on the counter (Memflix, a six-page movie review sheet, mostly writtenMemflix by one Jesse W. Morrison), then steps over to the two girls talking about Ireland. And they all leave. Everybody here seems to know each other, but the folks behind the counter don’t know the Memflix guy. They’ve noticed the flyers before, but didn’t know where they came from. We briefly discuss movies. I’m the only customer now. I get another cup so I can keep blogging. The Memflix guy just reappeared, walking the same path as the model, slurping on a smoothie and carrying a placard of some kind in his other hand, and also disappears around the corner.

Oh, yeah… Thursday they had the biggest ballot in history here in Memphis. Some places in the state, it was the first time with electronic machines, and there were delays. Right here in East Memphis, my sister-in-law-in-law (my wife’s brother’s wife) took two-and-a-half hours to vote. Of course, at the school where she voted, some genius had decided to hold registration the same day. A madhouse.

Results? Well, Harold Ford’s kid won the Democratic nomination for U.S. Senate. I understand he’s made a pretty good name for himself in Washington, much more of a reasonable moderate sort of guy than you would expect a Ford to be. I don’t know him, but I knew his Daddy, long ago. At a dinner one night in 1978 with him, Jim Sasser and Jake Butcher, I learned a lot about how the Ford machine works. Harold had been to the dentist that afternoon, and the painkillers with the couple of drinks he had made his tongue pretty loose, and he was very eager to persuade Butcher he was going to deliver Memphis to him — the 9th District part, anyway. Sasser and Butcher were nervous and tried to shush him in my presence, but he waved it off, and said, "This is off the record, right?" I shrugged noncomittally and said, "I’m just eating here." I was traveling with the Butcher campaign, and I had to eat somewhere. It was all very interesting, but not incriminating. I don’t think I could have provided any testimony that would have kept him from beating that federal rap later.

Steve Cohen, a name it seems I’ve heard forever (his Daddy, as I recall, used to run the state mental hospital at Bolivar) picked up the Democratic nomination for young Harold’s seat. That was a nasty, multiple-candidate race that under South Carolina rules would have meant a runoff. There were accusations of anti-Semitic tactics used against Cohen a la Max Heller. But Cohen made it through, and is now the first white Democratic nominee for this seat in 32 years. Harold pere won the seat from my father-in-law’s former business partner, Republican Dan Kuykendall, in 1974. I remember hearing him speak over at Memphis State when my wife and I were students there, and being impressed — more impressed than I would later be by his performance.

See how Tennessee is just as pervaded by interlocking personal relationships as South Carolina (where our favorite question to ask candidates is, "Who’s your Daddy?" — a question to which we already knew the answer with two of the four GOP candidates for state Treasurer this year, and one Gov Lite candidate)? I would tell you about the Republican candidates for the Senate and congressional seats, but I don’t know their Daddys, so what could I tell you by S.C. standards?

That 1978 dinner with the nervous politicos took place at the Pete & Sam’s out by the airport, which is long gone now. (Butcher paid, which ticked me off, and I had to grab one of his aides’ arms and force a bill into his hand to reimburse him. I definitely didn’t want to be indebted to that schmoe, even if free meals hadn’t been against my paper’s rules.)

PetesamsThe original Pete & Sam’s is still there on Park, by the way, thank God. The highlight of my week was a family dinner there Monday night. It’s the realest Italian restaurant in the world. Unlike the ill-fated airport location, and another failed effort way out East, this one still doesn’t have liquor by the drink. You can order beer, but you have to bring your own wine or whatever. Fortunately, one of my brothers-in-law is a rep for a distributor, so we never go lacking in that department.

I even got Mr. Sam (Pete passed away long ago, I believe) to pose at the register in front of some of his signed celebrity photos (everybody from Elvis to Ed McMahon). See below. He also posed with my father-in-law, whom he has long known and always speaks to with great respect and solicitude. His wife visited our table, too. It’s that kind of joint — dark, homey, with a to-hell-with-decor atmosphere. Not exactly the sort of place you’d see in "Goodfellas" — more like the kind of place that the more-honest relatives of the wise guys would choose to eat at. Extremely real. Tourists can talk about the Rendezvous or Corky’s, and they’re very fine, but I’ll take Pete & Sam’s as my first choice whenever I’m in Memphis.

My father-in-law paid this time, and I had no objections.

Mrsam

Smarter spam

Has anybody noticed spam getting smarter all of a sudden?

We’ve got a pretty good filter at the office, but I just checked a personal account a minute ago, and noticed something  ominous. Instead of the usual, nonsensical series of apparently randomly-chosen words and phrases (such as, "magna may far cookies," "parenthetic what above reader" or "Very rhombus whether fiesta"), the headlines make sense. Worse, they are keyed to recent news developments, which could fool the unwary into thinking they are about to read something relevant and/or interesting.

Some examples from my mail today:

  • The Discovery crew conducted three sp…
  • Bush’s remarks were picked up by the …
  • A massive tsunami in the Indian Ocean…
  • Six of those seized were later releas…
  • According to the U.S. Geological Surv…
  • A British soldier was killed and anot…

This is really not an encouraging development. I wonder how it works? Is someone keying these things in, or is the software going about and cloning real news stories, or what?

Whatever it is, somebody needs to put a stop to that … stuff.

Warthen refuses to debate Ravenel, Willis!

Scoppe_2
T
onight we have the live debate between the undeserving survivors in
the GOP state treasurer’s race. Unfortunately — and I thought I’d best
break this to my fans now — I’ve had to pull out at the last minute as
moderator.

My
excuse? The fact that I’ll be working probably through the night
getting ahead so I can take off a few days, starting tomorrow. It’s not
only a short week for me, but as I mentioned before, I’m also doing
work for a certain slacker who took off all this week.

Standing in for me will be my lovely associate Cindi Ross Scoppe (seen above in her very best excuse for a Vanna White pose), and I assure
you that’s just as good (she’s done this before), so don’t ask for your money back.

I am NOT a liberal

I am not a conservative, either. But I haven’t been accused of that in writing — today. Just watch, though; I’ll be maligned for that momentarily, I’m sure. Doubt it not. Speaking of which, where IS Mary Rosh?

This latest response is prompted by the libelous rantings of fellow blogger Bob McAlister.

I responded to him thusly:

    I looked like that because I knew that from that day forward, I’d have to get up and shave
every morning.
    In truth, I smiled a LOT more back when I had a beard than I do now.

See the proof here.

If I’m a liberal, Richard Nixon was a liberal. Which he wasn’t. He was a crook, though.

Although it really doesn’t feel right…

The Columbia Postmaster suggests, in a letter to the editor today, that we try "patronizing" our rural mail carriers.

Well, OK. I don’t feel right about it, but I’ll try:

Hey, love the car, really. With that wheel on the right-hand side, I thought for a minute it was James Bond’s Aston-Martin. Wow. And I’ve always said nothing beats an early-80s, Day-Glo green Chrysler for style. It’s just as good as one of those "official," custom-built panel trucks the fancy-pants city carriers drive. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

I really don’t see how this does anybody any good, but I tried.