Monthly Archives: April 2011

Your Virtual Front Page, Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Let’s see how fast I can do this (I know; I’ll leave out the facetious remarks!):

  1. Portugal seeks bail-out from EU (BBC) — Another domino.
  2. Ivory Coast: Gbagbo repels attack (BBC) — Today’s war news.
  3. Shutdown would furlough 800K, officials say (WashPost) — A HUGE concern for that paper’s readership.
  4. How A Government Shutdown Would Play Out (NPR) — In case you wondered, and don’t remember the mid-90s. SPOILER ALERT: It ends with the re-election of a Democratic president.
  5. Haley leaves Amazon break up to lawmakers (bradwarthen.com) — You saw that already.
  6. Netflix to Stream ‘Mad Men’ (WSJ) — Hey, it was big news to ME.

The gov tries to explain her (more or less correct) position on Amazon

Here’s a video Nikki Haley is touting in which she tries to explain her action/inaction on the Amazon issue.

As I said before, she’s sort of groping toward trying to do the right thing. She just has trouble articulating it.

But I agree with her that she’s in a tough spot, and Mark Sanford put her there. Hey, I can identify.

It’s a pretty big alumni club

Behind and to the right of Lindsey Graham -- Jim Hammond, Page Ivey, Jeff Wilkinson.

At the energy conference the other day at USC with the UK Minister of Energy and Climate Change and Lindsey Graham and Steve Benjamin and a bunch of other folks (that thing I haven’t written about yet, except in passing), I found myself standing with some other scribes, and one of them — Page Ivey of the AP, I think — noted that all of us were formerly of The State. That is, except for Jeff Wilkinson, who actually still has a job there. Which makes him the rarity. (That Wilkinson’s a survivor. He used to work at The Nashville Banner, which doesn’t even exist anymore.)

But this sort of thing happens a lot, you know. It’s a big alumni club. Hey, at least Page and Jim Hammond of SCBiz still have actual paying news media jobs. Unlike some people I could name.

See? I can find time for this kind of nonsense, but not for an actual, serious post on the thing we were covering. Hey, I’ll get to it, OK…?

Harpootlian moves toward inevitability

The other day, a former Democratic Party executive committee member warned me not to speak as though Dick “The Once and Future Chairman” Harpootian’s candidacy was a sure thing — because, after all, Phil Noble and that other guy were running, too.

Well, first, I don’t think I said it WAS a sure thing (I said Dick returning to this arena should be fun). And second… well, now that you mention it, maybe it IS. This just in, from Jim Clyburn and Vincent Sheheen:

Harpootlian for SCDP Chair
Dear Fellow Democrats,

Please join us in supporting Dick Harpootlian’s candidacy as the next chairman of the South Carolina Democratic Party.

We believe Dick is who and what the party needs right now — a proven leader. He’s tough. He’s articulate. He’s a proven fundraiser. He has the experience to get our party back on track and start winning elections again. We can’t afford to wait until the next campaign season to hold Republicans accountable for their failures. We must start immediately, and Dick shares our sense of urgency.

We believe Dick is uniquely suited to ensure that our party secures the resources not just to compete, but to win. Under his prior leadership as chairman of the state party, South Carolina Democrats had a very successful coordinated campaign, and Jim Hodges was elected governor by defeating the sitting Republican governor.

We hope you will join us in supporting Dick Harpoolian for Chair of the South Carolina Democratic Party at the State Convention on April 30th.

Thank you for your commitment to our party and to our state.

Sincerely,

Congressman James Clyburn
Sen. Vincent Sheheen, 2010 Democratic gubernatorial nominee
Former Gov. Jim Hodges
Sen. John Land, Minority Leader
Sen. Darrell Jackson
Sen. Gerald Malloy
Sen. John Matthews
Rep. Harry Ott, Minority Leader
Rep. Jimmy Bales
Rep. Boyd Brown
Rep. Bill Clyburn
Rep. Todd Rutherford
Rep. John Scott
Rep. Bakari Sellers
Rep. James Smith
Rep. Leon Stavrinakis
Richland County Councilwoman Bernice Scott
Columbia Mayor Steve Benjamin
Former SCDP Chairman Joe Erwin

And the fact is, Dick had most Democrats at “Jim Clyburn and Vincent Sheheen.” Personally, I’m impressed by the last name on the list. While I hate to praise ANY party official, as party chairs go, Joe Erwin was a good one. He’s the guy who managed to stop his own party, at the last minute, from having an effectively closed presidential primary in 2004. My kind of partisan, that Joe Erwin.

Anyway, in endorsement terms, this is looking like the state political equivalent of Blitzkrieg.

Stuff I keep meaning to get to…

I’ve mentioned this before; it’s the central conflict in blogging, or at least the greatest frustration: If you just sit at your keyboard all day, consuming the proverbial coffee and skittles, you can stay completely on top of what you want to say — posting 10 or more times a day, keeping your readers engaged and building your readership.

Trouble is, you won’t have a lot of value to contribute. If, on the other hand, you’re getting out and interacting with the world, reading, talking to people, covering events and otherwise accumulating knowledge and experience that would add value to the blog, would make your posts more informative and up-to-date… then you don’t have time to blog.

Back when I was at the paper, I felt this most keenly during endorsement season, when I was doing as many as four endorsement interviews a day. No, I wasn’t getting out, but people who WERE getting out, knocking on doors in the community and listening to thousands of people, were coming to me and answering any questions I chose to ask. (And my favorite questions, in terms of the interesting answers I’d get, were the open-ended ones, such as, “What are you hearing out there?”) This, combined with what I myself was hearing in the community, added all sorts of context to the positions we would take. But most of what I learned in those interviews just went into my notebook and stayed entombed there. Maybe, maybe a line or two of the unique insights gained from talking to that person would make it into the endorsement editorial. Maybe (because a lot more went into the decision than what was learned in an interview). The rest would collect dust. And I thought that was a waste. It’s one of the reasons that I started blogging: to have a place to put that stuff.

But… I could never keep up with the pace. There just were not enough hours in the day. I would set out each election cycle to file a moderate-sized report on each interview, such as this one and this one and this one and this one, sharing with people the unique stuff that added depth and context to our understanding of the candidate. But the pace of interviews was such that I always fell behind. I’d start doing wrapup posts or columns to merely acknowledge that the interviews took place, but even that would eventually become too much, given everything that I had to do in a day. Once or twice, in desperation, I just put up a bunch of pictures from the interviews I’d been in, as useless as I knew that was (I was just doing it to offer an excuse, showing readers how BUSY I was) I would always intend to get back to posting that stuff, but at some point (say, election day), it all became moot and I had to move on.

I face similar frustrations today. Right now, I’ve got four good posts dying on the vine because I didn’t have time to post about them (each required a little legwork — an extra interview, or time spent listening to a recording to get some key quotes right — that I could not find time for in the day or two that I SHOULD have posted them). And in the meantime, I post a lot of silly, inconsequential posts that I DO have time for, but aren’t nearly as worthwhile.

In one form or another, I still hope to get to all of them. But until I do, I’ll just briefly acknowledge them here:

  1. Something about nuclear energy policy in the wake of the Japan disaster. Bottom line, we can’t abandon nuclear, and shouldn’t. Meant to get this discussion started the week of the quake. But every day since then, there is SO much more I need to read and consider before I frame it, and it just gets harder and harder. I keep collecting links, saying “gotta read that before I write it,” and it gets harder and harder to get to.
  2. Copper theft. This one hit home a couple of weeks ago when ADCO’s air conditioners were destroyed for some copper coils, and I interviewed Chief Randy Scott about the overall issue, and he mentioned a bill in the Legislature related to the problem, and I’ve been meaning to get with the sponsor and chat about it, and it hasn’t happened. And Chief Scott’s probably wondering why he made time for me, since I haven’t written about it.
  3. Bob Inglis. I mentioned that I was going to speak at that conference at Furman, at the Riley Institute, about politics and media, way back on St. Patrick’s Day (another thing I need to get to — take down that out-of-date ad about the event). It was a good event, but the best part was NOT the panel I participated in. The best part came after, when Vincent Sheheen and Bob Inglis (whom Inglis referred to as the contenders for president of the Local Losers Club) sat with Mark Quinn and talked about the state of politics in SC and the nation. I was particularly impressed by some of the stuff Inglis said — Inglis has always impressed me, even when (perhaps I should say, especially when) I disagree with him. But I need to go back and transcribe part of the recording, because there’s a whole section of what he said I want to post. Haven’t gotten to it. But as old as this is, what he had to say remains highly relevant.
  4. Energy conference at Moore School. Last week, Lindsey Graham and the UK Minister of Energy and Climate Change were at USC talking Energy Policy. The minister, Greg Barker, had interesting things to say about how the Tories rebranded themselves as pro-green, and what they’re trying to do about it, and Graham had some things to say about how it would be nice to be able to get things done in Washington the way they do in London (he seemed particularly wistful about the ability in a coalition government to work across party lines without getting keelhauled by one’s own party for it). All very interesting from an Energy Party perspective. I was there for the whole thing, shot lots of pictures and videos… and haven’t gotten to it, mainly because there’s too much to get to. Big irony here is that I helped (slightly) the British consulate spread the word about this among media types — and haven’t written about it myself.

Now, some wag will say I could have gotten one of those things done in the time it took to gripe about not having the time to get them done. Nope; this was quicker. And I just accomplished the task of putting extra pressure on myself to write one or more of these at some point.

Or maybe it’s all in vain; I don’t know. But I keep trying.

The Amazon tax break opposition gets organized

This came in a few hours ago, and I just saw it:

SC MADE NO PROMISES TO AMAZON

Issue Is About Basic Fairness To SC Citizens & Businesses

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE CONTACT: Brian Flynn

April 5, 2011

Columbia, SC– The state government agency that cut a controversial sales tax deal with Amazon.com admits that no promises were made to the online-only retail giant.

“We can’t make a promise,” Commerce Department spokeswoman Kara Borie told The State newspaper on Thursday regarding the deal, which was crafted to lure the company to South Carolina.

South Carolina’s agreement with Amazon only states that the Commerce Department would “use its good faith, best efforts” to persuade the legislature to exempt Amazon from sales taxes.  The agreement even maintains that the chances of such an exemption would also depend on available resources.

The South Carolina Alliance for Main Street Fairness (SCAMSF) – a statewide group representing brick-and-mortar retailers – argues the deal is unfair to other business in the state and will likely cost thousands of jobs and millions of dollars in lost revenue.  The group said the state has more than lived up to its “good faith” commitment to Amazon.

“This is an issue of basic fairness.  Amazon should not be able to receive a deal that provides it a competitive advantage over South Carolina businesses,” said Brian Flynn, spokesperson for the South Carolina Alliance for Main Street Fairness (SCAMSF).  “Furthermore, it is clear Amazon was not promised anything; instead, the online-only retailer is trying to bully our state into giving them an unfair advantage over other retailers.”

Added Flynn, “Not only will South Carolina businesses be negatively impacted by this special deal, but South Carolina consumers will continue to be held liable for unmet tax obligations due to the fact that Amazon refuses to collect the sales tax and places the burden on its customers.  Elected leaders in Columbia should stand with their constituents and employers and oppose a special handout to Amazon that will end up costing us more jobs than it creates.”

SCAMSF also noted Amazon signed the deal knowing there were no guarantees that a sales tax exemption would be included.  South Carolina currently is experiencing a budget shortfall that is $700 million.

The South Carolina Alliance for Main Street Fairness (SCAMSF) is a statewide organization representing brick-and-mortar retailers that collect sales taxes and are committed to a fair and equitable sales tax system that eliminates the competitive tax advantage granted to certain online-only retailers.

###

I gave the contact, Brian Flynn, a call after I read it, mainly to find out who the South Carolina Alliance for Main Street Fairness might be. He said it was a brand-new chapter (formed in response to the Amazon issue) of a national organization, Stand with Main Street. The point is to fight the tax advantage that online businesses enjoy over real brick-and-mortar businesses here in our communities.

Brian says he is calling himself the executive director, and is paid by retailers, from Mom and Pops to big boxes. I asked him what else he did for a living, and he said he’d just returned from Afghanistan. He’s an intelligence officer with the National Guard — 178th Field Artillery.

I thanked him for his service.

He says while this is the first issue the new organization has worked on, he hopes to see a “fairness” bill introduced in the Legislature later.

Hey, what gives? I took that picture!



Someone has started one of those fake Twitter feeds that trashes the person in question, and this morning I was looking at it, and thought Hey, I shot that picture! What gives?

It looks like someone did what I did back on this post, and grabbed a screenshot from this video I shot at the Stephen Colbert champagne brunch atop the Meridian building in October 2007.

This happens a lot. Because of all the people I’ve interviewed over the years — especially since I went digital in 2005 (before that, I was still using my Nikon 8008, being a film snob — now, I feel guilty because I’ve abandoned it, beautiful implement that it is) and started shooting pictures in ALL interviews, for the blog — when you search for SC newsmakers on Google Images, you tend to get pictures by me. Note, for instance, that the very first image that comes up when you search for “Harpootlian” is one of mine.

But hey, shoot your own dang pictures. Or pay be some royalties. Come on — I know you’ve only got 25 followers, but show some respect. I need to wet my beak. Or at least give a guy a little credit……

Your Virtual Front Page, Monday, April 2, 2011

Here are the headlines (things seem to have calmed down slightly from the recent tidal surge of world news):

  1. Guantanamo trial for 9/11 accused (BBC) — I don’t know what sort of defense Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has prepared, but about the only thing I’ll say in his favor is that he has grown a truly awesome beard while in captivity. He looks way better than when he was captured.
  2. Police Kill Yemen Protesters (WSJ) — As the U.S. calls for leader to step down.
  3. F.A.A. to Order Airlines to Inspect 737s for Cracks (NYT) — After that five-foot hole appeared in the roof of a Southwest Airline’s jet while in flight Friday.
  4. Gen. Petraeus Being ‘Seriously Considered’ To Head CIA (NPR) — I’m sure he’d do a good job.
  5. U.N. and France Strike Leader’s Forces in Ivory Coast (NYT) — So… have the UN and France been taking steroids, or what? What’s with all the aggression suddenly? They used to hate when WE did stuff like this…
  6. Spartanburg woman recognized as SC mother of year (Associated Press) — Congratulations to Marianna Black Habisreutinger! (Apparently, having an easy-to-spell last name is not a prerequisite.)

Finally, rap that a chap like me is culturally prepared to get into

Really enjoyed this item in The Wall Street Journal this morning:

In ‘Chap-Hop,’ Gentlemen Rappers Bust Rhymes About Tea, Cricket

Just Like in Hip-Hop, British MCs Feud Over Styles: Waistcoat vs. Pith Helmet

BRIGHTON, England—For some British rappers, nothing goes better with laying down rhymes than a gin and tonic and a Sunday afternoon stroll…

Professor Elemental, a self-styled “Steampunk Mad Professor” and leading chap-hop MC, is one of its top exponents. He is easy to spot in the Marwood Café here, even amid its décor of spectacle-wearing stuffed owls and dismembered mannequins. Clad in Victorian-explorer garb, complete with pith helmet, he is eager to talk about his planned trip across the Atlantic.

“I’m going to break America, and ride it like a pony,” Elemental—real name Paul Alborough—explains while sipping English Breakfast. “Global domination, then a nice sit down and a cup of tea.”

First though, Mr. Alborough, 35 years old, has a score to settle. In doing so, he is subverting another hip-hop staple: the feud, or beef. Biggie and Tupac, Lil’ Kim and Nicki Minaj—rivalries are as important to the genre as rapping is.

Elemental’s rival is an hour’s train ride away in London: Mr. B, The Gentleman Rhymer—real name Jim Burke—is backstage at the Wam Bam Club, a burlesque nightclub in the Café de Paris…

In the video above, you can see Professor Elemental throwing down some trash talk aimed directly at Mr. B, below.

Finally, hip-hop that I can get into! As comfortable and satisfying as a proper English breakfast!

Unfortunately, after listening to it, I don’t feel any less whitebread than I did before… Oh, well. Stiff upper lip and all that…

Feelings, nothing more than feelings: The video launching Obama’s 2012 re-election campaign

Have you viewed the video kicking off Obama’s re-election campaign (which was all anyone was Tweeting about this morning, it seemed)?

Not much to say about it — because it doesn’t have much, or really anything, to say.

All it really conveys is… feelings. Vague feelings at that. And even for communicating vague feelings, it’s low key.

I’m a bit of a wonkish sort, and prefer a tad more heft than this — not much, just a bit would do. Presumably, more substance is to come. But then again, I’m reminded that Obama is a Democrat, and that party reflects the distaff side of the gender gap, so…

OK, there’s more I could have said there, but I thought better of it. Each party has its aspects that fail to connect with me, and with the Dems it tends to be a certain… femininity… in communication style.

There, I said it. Fine. I haven’t been yelled at all day; might as well start.

Of course, hats off to the ad wizards behind this because they DID start off with a Southern white guy. From the beginning, you hear that voice, over the touchy-feely strumming of an acoustic guitar, and you think: Who’s that? Certainly doesn’t sound like most Obama supporters I know. Which, of course, is what I’m supposed to think. What that guy is saying, by being who he is demographically, is “Don’t put Obama in a box.”

Anyway, what did y’all think of it?

Your Virtual Front Page, Friday, April 1, 2011

No, it’s not an “April Fool’s” edition. For that, I refer you to The Gamecock:

  1. Jobs Report Signals Improving Economy (WSJ) — Well, that’s good to hear, eh?
  2. Afghans Angry Over Florida Koran Burning Kill U.N. Staff (NYT) — Why can’t these people just write a letter to the editor or something? Or at least go after the people they’re actually mad at?
  3. New protests flare across Syria (BBC) — … And are met with deadly force.
  4. End of Ivory Coast Battle Seems Near (NYT) — An African drama you may not have been paying attention to.
  5. Federal workers worry over shutdown (WashPost) — Meanwhile, in another sector of the economy…
  6. House OKs Medicaid cuts (The State) — This is old now, but I missed it yesterday (not having time to do a Virtual Front Page).

Harpootlian’s back! (THIS should be fun…)

That look he gets when he's fully aware that he's being a wise guy -- in other words, his usual look. / Screen shot from 2007 video by Brad Warthen

Just got this email confirming what we’ve been hearing the last day or so:

Harpootlian for SCDP Chair
Dear Friends,

I’m writing to ask you to support my candidacy for Chair of the South Carolina Democratic Party.
I’ve decided to run for two reasons.

First, I’m outraged that Republicans like Nikki Haley and Ken Ard continue to get away with not telling the truth and breaking the law. It’s time for this to stop.

Democrats must hold Republicans accountable constantly — not just during election season. As your party chair, I won’t give them a moment’s rest by demanding real transparency and accountability.

Second, I’m ready to win. I have a record of success in holding Republicans accountable for their policy and political failures, and with your help, we can do it again.

Here’s how:

·  Raise enough money for us to have the resources to fight and WIN.

·  Force Republicans to defend their record of failure.

·  Start organizing our grassroots machine for the next election now.

·  Deepen our bench by recruiting strong candidates.
These are my objectives as the next Chair of the South Carolina Democratic Party. I know that we can do this because we have done it before. I had the honor of serving as your party chair from 1998 to 2003. During that time we unseated an incumbent Republican governor and elected Governor Jim Hodges. We successfully reelected Senator Fritz Hollings, Congressman Jim Clyburn, Congressman John Spratt, and others. We also raised the money to win.

I am writing to ask for your support as our next Democratic Party Chair. Click here to declare your support. Let’s wage a relentless campaign to hold Haley, Ard, and the Republican establishment accountable, and let’s start NOW.  It’s time to put the Democratic Party in South Carolina back on the path to success.

I’m honored to have many of our party’s strongest leaders supporting my candidacy, including Congressman Jim Clyburn and our 2010 gubernatorial nominee, State Senator Vincent Sheheen.

Finally, I believe I can accomplish these goals in a single two-year term. At the end of my two-year term, I hope to help elect a new Chair who shares my vision as described above.

I would be honored to have your support for South Carolina Democratic Party Chair, and I look forward to working with you to take back the state we love.  Thank you.

Respectfully yours,

Dick Harpootlian

PS – You can help spread the word by showing your support on Facebook and encouraging your friends to do so as well.

This should be fun. Notice that I’m not saying it will be edifying or uplifting or anything. I just said it will be fun. Dick usually is.

Nikki Haley doing right thing (I think) for wrong reasons

The other night, I went to a reception for new Commerce Secretary Bobby Hitt, my old shipmate at The State. Bobby was near the front door, and we exchanged pleasantries. Standing there with him and Mike Briggs from Central SC Alliance was the head guy from Amazon, whose name escapes me at the moment — and he didn’t have any cards with him, or I’d have it in front of me. (If this were a newspaper, I’d hold this report until I got the name, or rather, got a reporter or editorial writer to get the name for me. But it’s not a newspaper, it’s a blog; and you’re not paying for it, so get outta my face.)

Anyway, having said “Welcome” to Bobby (a bit ironically, since I’ve seen and chatted with him numerous times since he came back to town), I said an even more fervent “Welcome!” to Mr. Amazon, and we, too, exchanged pleasantries. I thought, “I really should ask this guy some questions,” but didn’t have any on me. At that point, I spotted the bar. I needed to be somewhere else in about 20 minutes, so if I were going to have a free beer, it was now or never. So goodbye, Mr. Amazon (Yes, interviewing a source when you have the chance is important, but there are other immemorial traditions of journalism that must be honored as well.)

On the way to the bar, though, I saw Lanier Jones, president of ADCO, and said, “Lanier, you should go over and meet the Amazon guy.” Which he did.

A couple of days later, this came out:

Amazon’s 1,200-job project in jeopardy

Online retailer Amazon.com pressed S.C. lawmakers Wednesday for a sales tax break for the distribution center that it is building near Cayce, amid concern that denying the incentive could jeopardize the $100 million project.

Amazon executives warned refusing the tax break is a deal-breaker for the project, projected to employ 1,249 full time by 2013 and provide up to 2,500 part-time jobs, some legislators and Lexington County officials said.

“The implication is if they don’t get it, they’ll pull out,” said House Majority Leader Kenny Bingham, R-Lexington. “That’s clearly an option they will look at if they do not get it.”

That day, Lanier said something about the fact that we knew about that. I didn’t know about it, I said. Lanier said that when he spoke to the guy, Mike said something about a tax problem, and the Amazon guy said, “It’s a dealbreaker.” Lanier figured I’d heard the same.

So maybe I should have hung around a tad longer. I just didn’t know that at the time… Oh, well.

Bottom line, what should SC do about this?

Nikki Haley has chosen, like Pontius Pilate, to call for a basin of water:

Gov. Nikki Haley on Thursday washed her hands of an effort to lure more than 1,000 jobs to Lexington County.

Haley said she does not support a tax incentive designed to entice online retailer Amazon.com to Lexington County, making clear her opposition a day after company officials said they will pull the plug on a planned distribution center unless they get the tax break.

But Haley said that if lawmakers — who are waiting to follow the governor’s lead — approve the tax break, she will not veto it….

So basically, whatever happens, it won’t have her delicate fingerprints on it.

Not that I mean to cast aspersions with the Pontius Pilate thing. Actually, Nikki’s right (I think; I’m still cogitating on this) not to support the tax break. And she’s right (although not what you’d call courageous, or a leader) to recognize that this is a hot potato.

But she opposes (kinda) it for the wrong reasons. She opposes it because of a Policy Council-style ideological objection to using incentives in economic development. Hey, I think a lot of incentives are a bad idea, but not all of them. That’s the problem with ideology; you don’t make distinctions between bad and good, you just always bet on black. Or red. Depending on your ideology.

The actual PROBLEM with the tax break is that businesses should not be allowed to skirt the sales tax. Not only do we have too many exemptions in the sales tax as things stand, but allowing Internet businesses to do that places other SC businesses, such as the proverbial Mom and Pops, at a terrible disadvantage.

Not only that, but it’s unfair to Walmart and others that have asked for such a break, and been turned down. So you have an equal protection problem.

But Nikki Haley isn’t going to put it in those terms. So I did.

All of that said, I don’t relish the idea of turning away those 1,200 jobs. Policy abstractions are one thing; actual jobs for South Carolinians is another.

So I’m a bit torn about it still. As the governor seems to be. So we have that in common.

This is an issue that I would have had a lengthy discussion with the editorial board about, to develop and sharpen my own thoughts before saying anything in the paper.

I don’t have an editorial board now. So what do y’all think?

Gamecock scores major Darla Moore scoop

Or perhaps, rather than Gamecock, I should say, The Daily Sudoku & Crossword.

The students at “Ray Tanner University” had a bit of fun with this one, and really did a pretty good job — with the headlines, anyway (I just picked this up a few minutes ago, and haven’t had time to critique the text). The biggest laugh, of course, is “Darla buys Governor’s mansion,” but for those of more sophisticated tastes, the “1.0 GPA? 750 SAT? You’re in!” speaks to the main issue involved in Nikki Haley’s quest to replace anyone trying to elevate standards at the university.

And yes, it’s like this throughout this special April 1 edition.

Enjoy.